Sunday, February 10, 2019

Me; the cliche...

Tomorrow will be two weeks since my cardiac arrest and one week since the ICD implant.

The implant site swelling is slowly reducing and today it started to get quite itchy. I can’t decided if that is a good thing or not. Itch is a sign of healing, but can also be a sign of infection. There is no excess heat though, so for now I’m thinking this is healing.

I haven’t done much of anything since I got home. On Thursday (the day after I got home), my dad and his best mate came to visit from on the VIC/NSW border, they stayed six hours and it was fantastic to see them, but I was wiped all of Friday. Yesterday, I wasn’t much better, the cleaners came for a couple of hours, as they do every week, and today I’ve been wiped again.

This is leading to a very frustrated me.

I’m getting very lethargic from doing nothing, but doing anything seems to wipe me out.

And then there is work. Tomorrow, I have to contact our WHS officer as well as our HR office to find out what the next step are. I am worried, to be honest, because I don’t know what I am capable of at the moment, whether I can start back full time, whether they’ll even let me. What if my absence means we’ve lost funding because I didn’t get those groups going? Do I even have a job to go back to?

I did the math today (I don’t recommend doing this when you don’t feel great physically and/or emotionally), and without my job, we’ll drown. Even if I lose more than 4 days a fortnight, we’ll drown. It’s the new cost of the rent. I need to not think about that right now.

Emotionally, everything is dawning on me now. The reality of nearly dying. Wondering if I’m happy with how my life turned out. Am I loving my life, or am I just getting through the days. Is it a first world entitled perspective to believe I have the right to love my life? Do the majority of people on this planet love their life, do they even think about it? Is having the space and time to think about it a luxury? Is discontentment just a sign of having far too much time and space and becoming far too self-obsessed? And round and round and further down the rabbit hole I tumble.

I have identified two things I do when I’m anxious. I eat crap - I don’t each a lot but what I do eat it pure rubbish. And I spend money. I rarely go to the shops, I order online, or I buy in app lives for my game. I’m pretty disgusted with myself. I want to sort these responses. Maybe that will help me feel more in control? I just don’t know. This situations has thrown me off axis completely.

Friday, February 08, 2019

Cardiac Arrest...

On the 28th of February, I suffered a cardiac arrest.

Dave says I got up, made myself a coffee, waited for it to cool while looking at my iPad, took a sip, and keeled over.

Dave called Erik downstairs to call 000 while Dave, who thought I was having a seizure, attended to me. He noticed my breath was thready, and then I stopped breathing. Erik took over and did compressions until the ambulance arrived - actually three ambulance, a fire truck, and a police car, according to Luey who was just arriving home while all of this was happening.

What I gather from cobbling together everything I’ve heard since, I cycled through the gamut of arythmia types, even in an order they don’t usually present.

I died three times.

I spent 9 days in hospital and had a defibrillator+pacemaker implanted.

It’s been a bit of a shocker... no pun intended.

I haven’t really had time to react to it, and I’m not sure what happens next.

Obviously, I’m not at work. I have a clinic appointment on the 20th of February. I think I only have leave days until the 18th. I have no idea what happens after that. I don’t know if I go straight back to full time, or part time, or even back at all, at this point.

Other than having a lump protruding from around my left collarbone where the device was implanted, which a a little tender, and a sore sternum from the compressions, I only feel a bit tired if I try to do too much (how long is a piece of string).

My memory is more shit than usual - which is saying something, but I’m sure that’ll right itself as well.

Wednesday, January 09, 2019

Syta's visit...

At the end of November a minor miracle happened here in Melbournetown. My aunty Syta came to stay for a month. This was a dream come true for us, and for her. I would never have imagined that one of mum's brothers or sisters would ever make it down to Australia, despite many plans to do so by so many of them.

Anyway, it finally happened. Although she stayed here for nearly a month, I didn't get to see her a lot because I was working and she and mum did a trip down memory lane to Sydney.

I did however get to all to myself on one Saturday and I took the opportunity to show her around a small part of Melbourne. I planned the following route for us because I wanted her to see a couple of places in Melbourne I knew she wouldn't have gotten to. 


For breakfast we went to Bluetrain for real pizza and a drink (beer and Pinot Grigio).

Syta isn't particularly afraid of heights, so I took her up to the 88th floor of the Eureka building and showed her the layout of Melbourne. Of course, Harlem got to see the top of Melbourne as well - he is also not bothered by heights.

We went out on The Edge. I've done this before so I wasn't worried at all. Syta was a bit iffy about it all, but hey, it's an experience she'll never forget. We weren't able to take photos ourselves while in the box, so we took photos of other people going out on The Edge.

Afterwards, I took her down Degraves, which she loved. I should have taken a photo of the street long cafe, but we were so busy looking at everything that I completely forgot.

Next we visited the iconic Young and Jacksons pub. We start on the bottom floor for some live music, beer, and bourbon and coke.

Harlem made a fun backdrop for the disco lighting...

The we moved up to Chloe's bar to visit Chloe, because, let's face it, you haven't really been to Melbourne if you haven't visited Chloe. Harlem was quite a show stopper with a bunch of patron's wanting a photo of him, and even a photo with him! We also had a nice lady take a photo of us with Chloe, but I'm keeping that one for my private collection.

and beer and bourbon and coke...

Finally, we migrated up to the Cider lounge for some gin and tonic, and Zambuca with coke.  Where we were hit on by a drunk old dude who probably thought we were dried up old singles with nothing better on offer. I sent him on his way toot sweet.

From there we went to Hosier (Hosiers?) Lane to have a look at all the graffiti.

Stan Lee had passed away only a couple days earlier, and someone had been quick of the mark with a dedication.

I got a pick of Syta next to a 'hole in the wall' - though actually it was a side window, probably more for ventilation that a servery, but she got the idea.

I was going to show her The Forum, but there was some concert happening at 8.30pm and goth types were already queued up around the block at 5pm.

So, we went over to Fed Square and I took her into the Bird's Nest - which is probably the only part of the Fed Square design that I appreciate.

Finally, we treated ourselves to our 7th drink of the day at Time Out - a Toblerone Coctail, which consisted of Kahlua, Bailey's, Frangelico, and chocolate - oh my god, so yummy.

I think Syta and fun and saw a different side to Melbourne.

Thursday, January 03, 2019

Home office...

Well, I've given in.

After I did the whole decluttering, minimalist thing, I vowed I wouldn't have a home office again - we never seem to have a room we can dedicate to a quiet place to write anyway). You see, the whole minimalist thing is all about just sitting anywhere with your laptop - on the floor, on your minimalist 'mattress on palette' bed, or at your kitchen bench. That works fine if you have good vision, but when you're nearly blind, but resistant to using a screen reader program as I am (I know, I know, I need to get over myself), you really need a desk, and a chair, and speakers, and a mouse, and a lamp, and, and, and...

So, yesterday I bought a desk and a chair for $50 off the Facebook marketplace, and then took Bryn's monitor and speakers off him (he has my iMac, so he's fine), I bought a lamp (not exactly a bargain, but I really liked the look of it, and the warm light turns out to be just right for me).

I had to buy a HDMi displayport-to-mini displayport adaptor, and of course Microsoft made it so that you need a specific Microsoft adaptor for the Surface Pro (which cost more than the chair and desk). Bloody Bill Gates!

I did all of this for you, dear loyal blog reader of mine. I have missed you and I hope you have missed me. I also hope this set up means I'll have more opportunity to blog. I'll end this post here, but I will no doubt do another blog very soon because there is so much I haven't written over the last few months because it's just been too hard with no desk or large monitor.

Thanks for being patient with me.

Friday, December 21, 2018

Family Christmas Dinner...

On Sunday we had our Icelandic Christmas dinner. It was, as you can see, a family affair. I should really tell you who these people are. From the left moving back around the table: my second born, Luey, then my third born, Bryn, then my mum, my step-dad, my brother's fiance, Anya (there's a story coming about them, keep reading), my brother Mike, Dave, then my empty seat, then my eldest's girlfriend, Lizzie, my eldest son, Erik, and my youngest son, Ari.

I was so happy! You see, this is the beginning of a realisation of a long held dream of mine - big family Christmases. It's been years in the making - 19.5 to be specific - and there have been times when I have wondered if it would ever happen, but here we were with new additions to the table.

Now let me tell you about my brother and his fiance Anya. See, she didn't come to dinner as his fiance, when she arrived she was his girlfriend. There I am, basking in the glory of having cooked a meal for 11 people (Dave helped), and he goes and steals all my thunder by proposing to his girlfriend! Nah, I'm not annoyed, I'm very happy for them, it has been a long time coming, and I'd like to think that the bonbons I chose had something to do with it because one of them won a ring, hahaha. Okay, that was completely unplanned, but still.

This year we decided not to do any presents and it was great! The boys didn't mind. Now though I'm a bit worried because they haven't asked for anything, like nothing, like Dave asked Luey to have a think about it and get back to him later in the day, that was two days ago.

Maybe they're sick?

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Change, and then change back...

About eight months ago, after about 20 months of wearing headscarves, I decided I needed a change. My hair had grown sufficiently that I was able to get it permed, so that is what I did.

Recently, the perm has started to fade. The roots are flat because they grown out about 10cm since the perm, but the perm itself is becoming more like a wave than a curl. I've been debating getting another perm, but then I find myself drawn back to wearing headscarves.

Of course, this year I've done a lot of decluttering and among the things I decluttered were my scarves and shapers. Since it's my birthday in another 2.5 weeks, I have bought myself a birthday present (which I was going to have to do anyway). Soon, I'll be receiving a new shaper in a different style from what I had before, and a couple of new scarves.

I'm itching to get back into wrapping. A lot of my co-workers have said they miss my scarves, which is encouraging. Others have never seen me in a headscarf. Will be interesting to see how they react.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Plans for 2019...

I've spent the day planning for 2019. I've been working in my current position for 18 months and I'm starting to think about where I might go next. I have some idea of what I want to build skills in but wanting is not the same as getting, right?

So, finding a new job is one of the plans I have for next year.

The other two things have come to the forefront because of my NDIS plan. By some sort of mistake I was given a plan where I only managed one small part. I applied to self manage and after six months I've finally got the freedom to choose who provides the services I have listed in my plan.

So, I'm employed a cleaner and I'm now claiming for our gardeners. I already had begun working with the person trainer, but I was reading my plan yesterday and realised to my horror that I haven't used a cent out of a couple of the categories on my plan.

As they say, 'Use it, or lose it.'

One category is capacity building in relation to my writing - which is a skill I aspire to hone. So, I've decided to employ a writing mentor. I want to work on the book I started a couple of years ago, but have completely set aside since starting work.

The other thing I'm going to do is get myself to a physio. One of the things I think is underlying the relentless migraines I've been experiencing for a few years now. I have found a physio clinic in my suburb which I think might work for me. I've never been to a physio, so I'm a little nervous, but if I can get some relief, I'll be over the moon.

I only have until the end of March to use as much of the remaining funds. I'm not how close I'll come but I am going to have a good go at it.

Me; the cliche...