Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The "Can't-be-bothered"s

Oh Gawd! I think I'm becoming self-indulgent...

I have to be careful because I do suffer from agoraphobia and I have to always make sure I'm not allowing myself to slip into old patterns of thinking with that regard. Lately, I've been suffering a lot with the "can't-be-bothered"s when it comes to interacting with other people. Don't get me wrong, I love interacting with others, but sometimes I need a little push to make me "get out there" in the first place.

I had a lovely time at Laura's blessingway the other night, for example, but yesterday I should have taken the boys to homeschooling group and I didn't, even though once I get there I really enjoy the interaction (and so do they)...

I was also supposed to catch up with my friend, Renee and her kids in December/January and well, I haven't even rung her... I haven't received an invite to her daughter's 2nd birthday, and I have to wonder if that is because they're not having a party, or because we didn't go to their son's birthday in November and didn't organise to meet up while Dave and Stuart (who are friends of 30 years or so) were on holidays, maybe she just thinks I don't like her or something?

I've also not be going on forums much these days. I frequent AB, of course, but I'm not posting nearly as much as I used to, it's like I have nothing to say. I'm only visiting NP once or twice a weeks now, and mostly don't post there anymore. I've completely stopped visiting EB. I'm not participating much on my homeschooling lists either.

Instead I post here...

Maybe I just like the sound of my own voice?

I've been playing around with photoshop on and off (very time consuming), but unlike others this is not about working toward any kind of career in DTP... I've been knitting, and that will hopefully lead to some sort of small business venture, but nothing I'd expect to become my life's work, yk?

So, what the hell am I doing with my life, and do I really care???

I mean if I don't put in an effort, I can't expect others to either... Hmmm, I seem to be lacking some sort of motivation and/or direction...

1 comment:

katef said...

oh I get the 'can't be's' too... most often it is with social interaction...sometimes I just can't be buggered making an effort to get my act together enough to get out there. Like you I also know that I'd enjoy if I did though. I have no words of wisdom except that when I find I am falling into this trap I MAKE myself do at least one thing in a week that I know will make me feel better about it all.. usually going to playgroup. But sometimes wallowing is fun too :)

Teenagers and the failing parent...