Noooooooo! I'm not ready...

I read a couple of posts today from people describing their babies growing up and not being babies any more, these "not babies" were only 5-8 months older than Bryn... I'm so not ready for him to grow up! I've never enjoyed the "baby months" as much as I have with Bryn, he is so adorable (not that the other weren't, I was just in a "it's soooo much work" frame of mind, too much so to enjoy them like I do him :(...).

Bryn is definitely in the seperation anxiety stage now, he can't stand for me to be on the other side of the room and NOT holding him, even if Dad is showering him with affection and attention. With the other two, I really found this stage hard. With Bryn there are certainly times when I kinda wish he'd be happy with Dad, just for a little while longer, but I view his anxiety so differently this time. For some reason I can see the great love behind it, I can SEE that he is literally in love with me and just wants to be right by my side all the time, like the infatuation stage of a new relationship.

I feed him and glance down to find him staring at me, willing me to look at him, and then he breaks out in smiles because I do!

It's so amazing and deep, and I just don't know how I'm going to deal with it when he reaches that inevitable stage of his life where he will start to grow away from me, to form his own seperate identity (in just a few month, eeep!)...

Comments

Leah said…

*sniff sniff* :)

7:20 am

The symbolism of elephants...

Just recently I've been seeing and noticing elephants everywhere!

A few weeks ago I saw the Samsung Elephant Ad, and watching that led me to watching a video with an elephant painting (seriously, you have to watch it to believe it!).

Then last night the boys told me they were having a free dress day at school to raise money for 'Mali the Elephant' - who turned out to be a paper maché statue which the children will paint and then show around the council before it comes back to the school to stand outside the performing arts room.

Then this morning I followed a link from Twitter to Toushka Lee's blog and read this post about an elephant orphanage in Sri Lanka.

This morning the Grumpy Old Man did another driving test and unfortunately didn't pass. We've booked his next test and are looking forward to that now. About ten minutes before he walked in the door I saw this poster on Facebook...

At the time, I didn't know if the Grumpy Old Man had been successful or …

Alone... And Stuff...

Do you ever just need to be alone?

As the boys are growing up, we have more times when the house is quiet. The youngest will be asleep. One will be reading, one will be playing on his computer with headphones on, one will be painting and there is stillness.

Sometimes, even that is not enough.

Sometimes I crave being alone, with no possibility of someone suddenly realising they have to tell me something important or ask me a question or even just crash about in the kitchen.

Sometimes I crave S P A C E, lots and lots of space, being able to walk from room to room without encountering another soul.

This is how I felt when I woke up this morning, so instead of getting ready for work, I decided to stay home. Get up, but not go anywhere, no hear the sound of my own voice, or anyone else's.

I think this might just be part of getting older. After a lifetime of chasing after other people and trying not to be alone, my mind and body is full of thoughts, experiences, feelings, and busy-ness …

12 Things Happy People Do Differently - a self-reflection...

A few days ago a Facebook friend posted the above poster on her wall. I believe she got these points from this blog which she enjoys reading, and the bloggers on the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog derived their discussion of these points from this book, available on Amazon - you're welcome! I have to admit, I haven't read the blog or the book I've just mentioned but wanted my readers to have access to the sources of the poster for their own reflective purposes.
The New Year will be upon us in but a few days and I thought this a great opportunity to do a little personal assessment on how I'm playing the happy game. I'm often not very happy at all - I don't need to be happy all the time, let me just say that up front - I personally believe that life is a balancing act and those who seek euphoria often will also often feel desolation because in all things there must be balance. The great riches of the few on this planet come at the personal cost of the many as is …

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