Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Compulsion, not Addiction...

Just got back from visiting Jen at her place this morning (got in a lovely walk, met her half way to her house, debriefed about Y chromosone carriers, and felt a hell of a lot better)...

Somewhere in our ramblings we got onto the topic of addictive personalities. I've always thought I had an addiction prone personality, but today it occurred to me that I'm not really prone to addiction so much as compulsion.

Yes, I might say I'm addicted to crap food, or I was addicted to cigarettes for 13, or I'm at risk of becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol, if I consume them regularly, but truth be told, I don't suffer with addictions as such. I smoked regularly and at times heavily for 13 years, until I was 26, but at the age of 26, having met Dave, who never smoked and really hates the smell of smoke, I decided to stop smoking, and I did just that, cold turkey, with no REAL cravings.

Once I moved in with a friend and smoked pot every single day for a month. Now, if I had an addictive personality, you might think I'd become addicted to pot, but then I decided it wasn't a good thing to do, so I moved out and haven't touched the stuff since (12 years)...

Meanwhile, I can taste a new kind of chocolate once, and then HAVE to have it every night for months, and if I don't have it, I'm worse than a little disappointed. I CRAVE it...

Same goes for many things, if I decide I need to walk everyday and find a path to walk, and do it for a few days in a row, I find I come to rely on that walk, and I'm compelled to walk the same path at the same time of day every day, or I feel like something is seriously wrong in my life...

This last week I nearly passed out because I'd decided to weigh myself that day, and so I didn't want to eat until I weighed myself, and of course, I had to wear the same clothing I always wore, even though it was cold out, and I had to use the exact same scale. That day things took longer than I planned, and in the end it was past 5pm at night, I hadn't eaten a thing. I didn't end up weighing myself on the scales I'd used before, so even though I got a great result from the weigh in, I HAD to go weigh myself again the next day on my preferred scales, in the same clothes, having not eaten yet...

It was compulsive behaviour that I was prepared to go to fairly extraordinary (self-torturous) lengths to make it happen "just so"...

I have a lot of compulsive behaviour when I think about it...

2 comments:

Juniper said...

Ahh... Sif, addictions and compulsions... I obviously can totally relate! I think that you are right, they aren't exactly the same things, however I think some people are prone to both (eg. me!).

Off to bed!

HipbubbyMama said...

Not completely sure of the difference, but I certainly crave things, so I'd say I'm an addict :( Compulsions-hmmmmI'm compelled to go shopping when I'm depressed lol so maybe thats a compulsion-I dont suffer withdrawals if I dont get to go tho ;)hesvxm

Teenagers and the failing parent...