Thursday, July 20, 2006

Big Change

Dave has a new job. A guy he used to work with at the Union had an opening coming up and offered Dave a job co-ordinating advertisements for University diaries - so, a lot like the job he used to do, only now he'll be co-ordinating ads for a number of diaries, instead of just putting together one diary, for one University. It's part time work, the only kind Dave would do now anyway. About 15-20 hours a week, depending on the season (we moving into the busy season now, so it'll be more like 20 hours a week, but by next January things might slow a bit)... I'm hoping though, as this is a private business and therefore always trying to grow, it won't just blow out, because my concern is that Dave will be asked to do a few extra hours here and there and before we know it, he'll be working 3-4 days a week, something that wouldn't suit this household at all!

I should be really happy that Dave has this job, tht he didn't have to go out and bust his balls competing with younger guys (he's 47) for work, and that he's working for someone he knows and likes, but instead I'm worried about how I'll cope at home with the boys when he's at work. I'm worried that now he won't ever have time to get his liscence, and that he won't do his writing (something I believe he really needs to be doing)... I'm worried that J will have the same expectations of Dave that he would have of himself, and well he has let go of two long term relationships in the past five years to make this business work, so he has a lot invested in it, and maybe he will expect Dave to work overtime etc.

The money is good, he's earning more than he was before because he'll be getting about the same for less hours. Money isn't everything though.

I need to find some peace, and believe everything will be ok, and we'll be provided for in the sense of having the emotional support we need to cope with this new arrangement. I have to believe Dave won't be stressed and tired all the time, like when he worked for the University and that I'll be able to cope with the boys on my own, and be the kind of parent they need.

I think mostly, I'm mourning the end of this time when we've just been able to hang out as a family, and I've had a lot more social freedom to go places without the bigger boys, to sleep in a bit on the days after a bad night with Bryn. The hope that Dave would get a liscence in short order, and that he would set up his small publishing or get into painting the way he always said he wanted to. I liked our somewhat bohemian life, I don't want to let go of that, maybe I don't have to, it just feels that way right now...

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