Freebirthing
The subject of freebirthing (unassisted child birth), has recently come up on AB, and I've found myself revisiting the subject, reading sites and blogs on it that I'd previously checked out. I had another look at the Autonomous Birth blog...
Ok, one assumption behind free birthing is that birth is part of the sexual continuum, and hold the same level of intimacy between the woman and her child, or the woman, her child and her partner, as the act which created the child.
On an entry I just read there was a description of the blogger's first understanding of this sacred intimacy when she attended a friend's birth and witnessed the friend labouring in the embrace of her partner, and the blogger realised the feeling that she should not be there, that this was an intimate time. Now, the blogger isn't naive enough to assume the reader would take that feeling alone as the legitimation of freebirthing as the ultimate birth process, so she shows that that, indeed, the labouring woman had also be uncomfortable with the presence of others at her labour and birth. This consensus between these women acts at the legitimation of freebirth.
A few things occurred to me when reading this...
Firstly, I was reminded of a birth I attended where I also witnessed the intimacy of the relationship between the birthing woman and her partner, and I also felt that sense of "I shouldn't be here", that I was silently (in a darken room), witnessing something so intimate and sacred, that I was acting as a voyeur. I don't know that this woman or her partner felt the same, it has never come up in conversation. What I do know is that this experience, as much as I was concerned with my own feelings, had very little, if anything, to do with me. What I felt and thought was irrelevant. This woman's birth was not about me and my feelings.
The other thing that occurred to me. Even though I have also felt the sting of having my "birth bubble" burst by the well-meaning, but intrusive presence of my midwife and my Dh, I would not assume that my feelings on this translate to the entirety of womanhood, even if there are other women who feel the same way I felt. I also feel completely unselfconscious in my nakedness during labour and birth, despite birthing in front of complete strangers, but would presume to tell other women they should feel the same way I do about being naked in front of strangers during their labours.
Finally, and I realise that this could be something particular to me, but for me, at least, birth has never felt like and intimate sexual act continuum. I had one orgasmic birth (my most intervened birth), but my Dh and I have never connected during a labour or birth. This could be, most possibly is, because he withdraws in fear, but then again, I don't know that we have ever connected in conception either. We love each other deeply, but our children were never conceived as a result of our love making, but rather as a result of optimally timed conception sex.
Perhaps this is where we "went wrong"?
I don't know :).
What I do know is that because some women (and theirpartners) feel the very understandable, to me, need for privacy in birth (I do totally understand this because I've felt the same in the wake of all my births, my own ideal would be to having a circle of friends at my birth, but them moment my baby was born, they all left the room, and left me with my baby until I called them back), for those women who don't feel this need, for those women who DO want the presence of a midwife, or Dr or friends, or whatever, that's all good too.
There IS no one way to feel. There is no "right" way to birth. If you don't feel what another woman feels, it doesn't mean you've missed the point, or not had the ultimate experience, and if you did you'd understand. Feelings that are particular to individuals and even groups cannot be translated to the whole population. That would be like saying, if I tried base jumping I'd experience the exhilaration and the freedom that other base jumpers feeling, and if I didn't it would be because I was holding on to imfect fears, and if only I could release those fears I'd be free to experience the "rightness" of base jumping. Well, sure, IF I could become a base jumper, feel what they felt, then yes, of course I'd feel that exhilartion and freedom because I'D BE THEM!
As much as we all want others to feel what we feel, to experience our feelings on any situation imagineable (wouldn't I LOVE for other to feel the incredible sadness and rage I feel over babies being left to cry themselves to sleep - if everyone felt what I felt they'd UNDERSTAND how cruel that practice is, and they'd IMMEDIATELY cease and disist, and the world would be more perfect and ideal), as much as that would be wonderful, unless they can become us, with our life experiences and understanding of the world, it ain't gonna happen...
It's just a tad Narcissistic to assume you own feelings on a matter are the only right way, even if you can find a bunch of people who agree with you. Hey, a huge number of people seem to agree that birth is dangerous and must be overseen by trained medical staff, and surely if we felt and understood what *they* feel and understand, we'd agree... A growing number of people don't agree, and in the circles I travel in NOT feeling and understanding what those medical staff feel and understand is a good thing...
So, yeah, Congratulations to everyone who has found and experienced their birth ideal, whatever that may be, don't let anyone tell you that if you could just experience *their* birth ideal, you'd understand, you'd be a BELIEVER too, because you can be darn sure they have no interest whatsoever in feeling and understanding what YOU feel and understand... No matter how perfect you feel your birth experience was (or how awful you feel it was, and want to prevent others from experiencing the same)...
