Thursday, September 21, 2006

Erik wants to go to school...

I'm so upset, I wasn't even going to post this blog... I just want this to go away. I feel like I've completely failed him. He wants to go to school for two reasons (these are his reasons) a) he wants to make friends, and b) he wants his own locker... Ok, so I don't know what that second reason is about, but the first one is like a skewer through my heart... We've failed him. He feels isolated. This despite taking him to homeschooling group where he didn't make any friends because he hangs around the edges, and tries only to make friends through Luey (that is Luey makes friends and Erik moves in and monopolises them - he's so much like me :(...).

I'm so afraid for him. Even though this won't happen until the beginning of next year now because we want him to learn to read this summer first, I'm so afraid that once at school he'll be teased and/or bullied. I'm afraid he'll be ostracised like I was because he is so much like me in how he interacts, latching onto adults and being so awkward with kids his age in group situations...

And, of course, him missing the first couple of years of school (well, at least the first year, if he was held back a year, which I'm sure we would have done anyway) won't help either...

What's more, I think the school system in Australia SUCKS big time, and so this whole thing would not be about an education for him, but rather about him socialising, and after all my arguing that kids don't need socialising at school, this is a huge egg face for me...

I feel sick.

Luey doesn't want to go to school next year. That confuses matters more for me, I mean, what if he too decides in two years time that being home is bad, and being at school would be better?

The depth of my feelings of failure right now are just unmeasurable...

Oh, and he'll have to go to the local public school, which doesn't have a good reputation, so basically not only is he going to school, something I just don't believe in, he's going to a poor quality school...

To put this in terms others might understand...

Not only is he having an OB, he's opting for an elective c/s...

Or
Not only is he not being breastfed, he's drinking Coke...

Someone please wake me from this nightmare...

3 comments:

Shae said...

Hugs Sif! You haven't failed him at all! He may change his mind before next year or shortly after starting school-what about a team sport or something?
It must be hard for you (((HUGS)))

HipbubbyMama said...

*hugs* Ok, what I'm thinking is, even if he *does* still want to go to school at the end of the year (and hopefully for your sake you can disuade him!)it doesnt *have* to be the crappy local school. What about Coonara? I know it's a long way, but this way you can make Dave get his license. And he could go PT there. Or there's a good sounding public school in Box Hill South, Robert Mccubbin; you could probably bus it to there (it's right near my old school Kingswood, which I know has a bus that goes to BH central going right past it). They are multi aged, and sound like they have a similar philosophy to the school Liam will attend next year. Google it, they have a website. Or-if the issue is socialisation, could you try getting to more homeschooling groups? Or some sporting/music/drama whatever activities as Shae suggested?

And of course you havent failed him! He may have suddenly come to the realisation that he's missing out on something (not saying it's neccesarily a good something, but as far as he's concerned it's something most kids do that he doesnt, so naturally, he's curious)Maybe he needs to try it out, to realise he would prefer to be homeschooled after all!

*hugs* hope you can work something that's mutually satisfatory to all parties concerned!

Leah said...

lots of *hugs*

remember it is still 2006 - so not only can you give manifistesing something else a red hot go, your fears of bullying and ostracism - it isn't inevitable about his experience at school - it isn't included in the curriculum :) it could be completely different. Maybe Erik will manifest the group of mates he desires? He will be attempting it with a pure desire so don't discount it.

You have not failed him. I don't want to dismiss your fear, the depth of it ... but imagine a scenario where he thrives at school, where he genuinely enjoys it, even with the inevitable ups and downs. And you still persue many of the learning opportunities you value at home ... and these extra 2 years under his belt have given him the chance to be ready for that environment ... it is definetely not how you envisioned it but your desires for him - enjoying his life, learning with pleasure, will still be met if it plays out like that. And I know that is at the heart of your decision to HS, you chose those goals and then that HS is the most likely means to attain that for him. HS itself is not your goal, I know you aren't as linear as that!

Anyway, I don't see any egg on any faces. I see some pretty brave parents who are striving to do the best by their kids first in their choice to HS and then modifying the plan as needed ... and you'll modify again if school doesn't work out for him, or if you can come to some other set-up that meets his needs without school. And there is no way he'll be subjected to years, even weeks, of bullying unchecked with you as his parents. He knows school is optional, that's pretty empowering for a kid.

Change, and then change back...