Saturday, September 30, 2006

Getting Counselling...

This has been coming for a looooong time, but it's time to step and take responsibility for my anger issues. Got the name and number of a good counsellor the other day, one who doesn't seem to have issues with attachment parenting practices. Gave her a call and unfortunately she is totally booked out for a while to come. She recommended a colleague though, who works in an adjoining office, who she said would also be open to various parenting practices.

My issue with finding an open counsellor is that I don't want someone who is going to assume my anger stems directly from the pressures I put on myself with cosleeping, extended breastfeeding and homeschooling. I'm sure, with my anger remaining unresolved, these practices probably contribute to the stress I feel, but i don't believe they are the cause of my rage.

My evidence for this is that I feel far less rage towards Luey and Bryn than I do towards Erik, and Erik was my baby who slept apart, sleep really well (even by modern "sleep schedule" standards - he's sleep 12 hours a night, and two tow hour naps each day until he was two!), he also self weaned at 19 months of age and was never truly demand fed (I started out schedule feeding him every three hours and he just made that his ongoing habit so that even when I "demand fed" him, it was at three hourly intervals)...

Homeschooling does mean no respite, but then I have a very supportive dh, who is home four days a week, and even when he was home for 4.5 months straight I still felt the rage, I definitely didn't exhibit it nearly as often, but I did feel it...

So, I know I have to deal with this if I'm to have any hope of being the kind of parent I know my kids deserve...

In the past few days I've found myself thinking I might even consider "forcing" my kids to go to school, just to "get a beak", and I know that wouldn't make any of us happy, but I'm feel very burned out atm, and very confused about how I'm parenting (I know I do my best, but I find myself emotionally manipulating my bigger kids and it's wrong, wrong, wrong)...

So, anyway, biting the bullet and getting counselling. It'll probably cost a fair bit (for someone on my budget anyway), but I have high hopes of it making a big difference to me being able to start liking myself as a parent again...

3 comments:

Rae said...

Oh good on you! It's a very bright person that asks for help. I hope it goes well :) I also think you have a really good point about having reservations with counsellors that have biases against alternative parenting. This is my main worry with counsellors. You don't want to pay them to be arguing against them! Gawd!

Cabrissi said...

IMO a good counsellor can be a real blessing in helping sort things out and letting you work out how to help yourself... getting one who you really 'click' with and is willig/able to put aside their own biases is the trickiest part though. I hope this turns otu to be the really good thing you want it to be!

HipbubbyMama said...

Hope the counselling works out! I agree that getting one who is sympathetic to AP practices is essential. Remember my old counsellor who told me I had ishooooes bc I wouldnt leave Liam to cry in another room? hmmm... THe guy I see now is pretty open to AP and sounds like he does a lot of it himself with his son (without knowing it had a name) We had a nice chat about secure attachment once :D Anyway, good luck, well done for taking the step!

Teenagers and the failing parent...