Friday, September 08, 2006

Winds of Change...

A friend was telling me yesterday that it was a windy day where she lived, and windy days made her feel a bit scattered and restless... I've heard this from another friend, and have heard the windy weather stirs up the spirit, so it makes complete sense really, doesn't it?

Well, I've been having somewhat of a stirring of the winds myself, of late... Last year I had a real feeling that I'd come to the end of an era in my life during my pregnancy with Bryn, and after he was born. I'd always known I'd have three children (at least), and in some way, having Bryn was VERY important (not that the other two weren't, but for some reason having Bryn was non-negotiatable)... I don't know that he is going to be some great leader or revolutionary or something, perhaps he is important on a much smaller scale, perhaps he's here to teach me something, or Dave or even one of the boys, who knows, but he is very important...

Anyway, after having Bryn, it felt like I'd completed a massive project, and while I was extremely happy with that (and still am), with that sense of relief you have when you hand in a final assignment, or reach the summit of a mountain... I also had that feeling you have when you don't know what to do next. Life can't just end when a HUGE goal is met, yk?

So, for the most of the past year, I've had a real sense of aimlessness, not knowing what to do next, but sensing there was definitely SOMETHING to do...

Now, I'm starting to get a sense of purpose back, and it feels good, but weird too, because it's in a completely different direction to where I've been focused in the past five years or so... I feel myself moving away from the topics and issues that have preoccupied me in recent years, and moving towards something that I only have, as yet, a blurry outline of... It's a little scary... I was quite comfortable in my role of community leader (using that term VERY loosely to describe being involved in organising community events and projects and so on with a group of lovely ladies who had similar convictions), to go out on my own, doing something that doesn't involve my friends, or even interests them.

In my group of friends I've seen each one slowly discover what moves them, and it's been so inspiring to watch! I've found myself swayed this way and that with inspiration, thinking, oooh maybe that's for me, or that, or that? Finally, though I've come to see my passion lays in yet a different direction again :)...

So, next year, I've so far planned to do a photography short course. I'm also going to be preparing a portfolio of writing for the Masters in Writing that I'll be doing the following year. As part of that, I've decided to work through "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron (I've heard great things about this book from friends of Dave's and he's just borrowed a copy to work through himself, but I'm going to buy my own copy so we don't have to share, LOL)...

It feels really good to have a renewed focus!

3 comments:

Rae said...

Oh YAY YAY YAY!!! :)

I can see you loving photography and writing. Imagine getting assignments to take photos and write on particular issues. You will thrive! :)

You remind me a little of me, wanting to express youself and the need is almost so enormous within you that it needs parameters to be harnessed in a sense. Your problem will never be finding inspiration, it will be trying to channel it into one thing at a time. ;) Leah is another example of this. Just a feeling I have even though I haven't met her either! LOL ;)

Sif said...

Yeah, LOL, that's a fairly apt description of me, at least...

I actually think I have a "working" book title (since this morning), which means I have a theme! And as late as last night I was lamenting to Dave that I can't find the theme - but I was looking too closely at thing, not standing back far enough to see the overarching theme that has been there for a bloody long time, actually...

Now, do I write fiction or non-fiction, that is the question (fiction would be easier, LOL, but the theme might be lost on too many readers that way, as people do seem to need a sledgehammer these days to break through all the gunk already piled up from the processes of society, hahahaha!)...

Rae said...

Ooh exciting. The cogs are in motion!! :)

Teenagers and the failing parent...