Pics from Toora

I've put up a bunch of pics here...

Here are a few I didn't put on that thread though...

I really liked this pic of Rach and Matty because of it's "private moment in a public space" feel - oh and the fact that Rach can balance and run across a giant balloon pillow thingy without dropping her son!

Here's Bryn thinking, What do you mean all the champagne is gone???

I love this photo for the reflected light on Bryn's face. It's taken at dusk and light was just magical!

I love this photo because of how calm and confident Kate looks, and how focused little Emma is, also the contrast of the bright little child in the towel against the long black sillouette of her mum...

I was struck by how grown up Luey is looking suddenly. He was extremely confident in the water with his vest on (and at one time off, to my horror)...

This photo makes me laugh. This was the second day on the trip and on the first day I'd taken Bryn into the pool and he'd wailed for about 1/2 hour. Eventually I had to concede that he wasn't going to like being in the water that day, and I had to get out, despite having looked forward to being back in a pool for the first time in YEARS! On the second day, I was determined to get Bryn to like the water. First we sat by the pool watching the other kids swimming, him with a bit of wobbly bottom lip. Then we got into the pool, and I sang to him, and got into deeper and deeper water with him. He wasn't really warming to the whole water thing though. So I sat him on the edge of the pool, and then dunk him in the water, and straight back up onto the side of the pool, while making different "Oooh" and "Bop!" noises to try and make it "fun"... S L O W L Y he started to warm up, and actually started straightening his legs as if to slide himself back into the pool when I put him up on the side of the pool, and after about 20 minutes of this, he was smiling.

I finally got him in his ring, and he slowly started splashing the water, and within about another 10 inutes, he was blowing bubbles into the water with his mouth!

So, we got in the hot pot/spa, and then I got Shae to take this photo with me grinning like and idjit and him looking like he's thinking, Oh yeah, she's definitely lost it now!

And here's Erik looking all grown up too - I love the mountains in the background on this one...

Interesting times...

I'll start this blog by saying, this isn't a whinge, I'm not unhappy :)... In fact, in the light of recent posts I'm very happy with how I'm handling things, I think there has definitely been a bit of a shift...

The thing is, of course, with all the preps for the boys going to school, and then with Erik actually starting school, and Luey thinking he is missing out and not understanding why HE can't go for full days too, there has been a lot of upheaval.

As well as this, Erik is totally jazzed about being at school and so he's finding it hard to go to sleep at night because, as he puts it, he can't stop thinking about everything he's done all day and all the kids he's played with (both Dave and I take time with him, individually, to discuss his day, so he gets an opportunity to "get it out")...

On Friday morning he woke at 5am and he'd wet his bed. This was because he normally wakes at that time to go to the toilet, but he was extra tired and sluggish waking up and just didn't make it out of bed fast enough.

Yesterday, coming back from school, he was very tired and emotional... Because he was going to school for another long day, and Luey was feeling left out, i took Luey with me to a major shopping centre to run some errands, but while out I actually had to get Luey a little back pack for our daytrips out, then I also bought Luey a plastic shark, and let him have a go on a fairground game in the shopping centre, from which he won some plastic binoculars... So, yes, he did score yesterday, but also he was feeling very down about Erik getting to go to school and play with all the kids and do fun stuff, so I thought it might be nice for him to have a special day himself.

So, of course, you can see what's coming, and I knew what would happen too, but really had thought Erik would understand that he got to be at school with all the kids and do fun stuff there... Nah, forget it!

First thing was he wanted McDonalds for dinner, now we haven't eaten Maccas all year, until two weeks ago, we had one meal as a special treat, first time this year! But since then, he's been asking for Maccas on a regular basis, always when I'm around other people too (maybe he thinks I'm less likely to say no then, in fact, I'm MORE likely to say no, because I don't want people thinking he has Maccas all the time, yk?)...

So, I said no... Tears... Then he wanted me to buy him a toy because Luey had gotten a bag and two small toys yesterday, again I said no, more tears... I was really struggling with this because we were on the bus to the shopping centre by now, and Bryn was also getting stroppy, so then I had two kids crying... So, I said, maybe one SMALL toy from the Reject Shop - BZZZZ - WRONG! Bad idea, that one... First off, Erik starts trying to negotiate for a "better" toy option (Erik is my Master negotiater, always trying to better his end of the deal, LOL), THEN Luey picked up on Erik GETTING something, and of course, he then HAD to have something too...

So, getting rather overwhelmed by this point and realising my mistake, I pulled the plug completely... NO toys for anyone, only dinner out (as pre-arranged with Dave), and NO Maccas... Lamenting ensued. Then from me, "Well, if you two don't stop all this carry on right now, not ONLY will you not get any toys or Maccas, but Luey I'll take away your bag and other toys, and Erik you can forget the camping trip" - Oh yes, very clever, NOT!

Remember, this is me handling this WELL! Previously, I would have threatened to wallop them both...

Anyway, Luey then decides to GIVE Erik his binoculars... I tried to put a stop to this because Luey is a notorious Indian Giver... But, Luey was insistent.

This morning I woke up to a raging row between Luey, Erik and Dave... Luey wanted his binoculars back... I've basically said he can't have them back, now that he's given them to Erik. He's not happy about it at all... There have been a lot of squabbles this morning, and I know it's because they're both adjusting and tired and cracky and what not...

I myself am feeling rather on edge, I've got to say. All this bickering, and my inability to "do the right thing", as in me making choices, I later regret, as me feeling a bit of low level rage, which I'm handling really well, but basically just putting a stopper in it...

One thing I'm learning is I do cope better when I get physical exercise - maybe my ADD has a hyperactivity component in it afterall??? So, anyway, at about 11.30am I'm going to get Bryn down for a nap, luckily he's pretty predictable with his nappying, and then I'm going to walk up to the shopping centre, do my shopping for the trip away and walk back, that will give me some head space and also some physical exertion...

Yeah, so interesting times...

On a happy note, Bryn got his SS pressie from my EB group yesterday, and part of it was a Little People set (a mechanic with a towtruck and a car) and he LOVES it, hahahaha! We used to have lots of Little People stuff but the bigger boys wouldn't really play with it, preferring their Duplo, so we gave it all the lovely Audrey, but now we've got more of it, and Bryn actually likes it, go figure!

I have to send of my SS package today, or at least get it ready for Dave to send on Monday, I've bought it all, just haven't wrapped it yet...

IL's are coming over tomorrow for Lunch, MIL's birthday lunch, I'm sure they'll want to see the boys in their uniforms, they're very excited about the boys going to school (and being "like normal little boys")... So, busy, busy, busy seems to be my mantra of late...

Erik following in his great grandfather's footstops?

Erik went to school for a full day today, and when I went to pick him up he was just coming back from his performing arts class, and his teacher (sub today, regular teacher on camp) was over the moon about his participation in the class today. She says he's very enthusiastic and a natural at acting. Erik teacher (not the PA teacher) said maybe Erik would be able to join the special performance group, even though they usually don't get to volunteer until grade three...

Oh and the PA couldn't believe Erik had only been at school for two days because he was so confident joining in!!!

Ah, I'm feeling good about this move today :)...

My mum's dad was in the theatre, he was primarily a make up artist and wig maker, but also acted (amongst other things, I think)... I myself have been on stage a bit, not that I'd ever dreamt of making a career of it, but I've been in a few musicals... So, it's not really surprising that Erik likes the limelight...

My various neuroses...

We're getting ready for a camping trip with friends next week :)...

I've been generally excited about this trip for a month now, it's my first real holiday with the boys elsewhere than my mum's, and while I love visiting my mum, she doesn't have a swimming pool, or a spa, or a giant jumping pillow, or a beach in her back yard, so this is something new and exciting!

But in recently days, an anxiousness has crept over me... First it was, how will I cope with all the kids and their excitement and restlessness. Luey is bound to completely ignore instructions or requests coming from me, he does in the everyday as it is, and Erik is bound to get hyper excited by all the goings on and not go to sleep at night... There's the whole swimming pool thing, how to watch two not-able-to-swim active, excited, overconfident boys, while also watching Bryn and trying to enjoy myself...

Next came, what will I eat, and how will I not put on 5-10kg while away, when I'm desperately trying to crack into the 60s kg range by Dec. 1st... How will I manage all my food phobias (I can't stomach meats that I can't guarantee are fresh, or foods cooked by other people, that I'm afraid I won't like the taste of and will offend the other people by not wanting to eat)...

Then there was, Oh no, my period is due the day we go away, how am I going to swim and enjoy the spa, argh!

Finally, I realised I'm basically just feeling trapped because I know once we're on our way there, there is no turning back, so if I can't cope, I can't bail, yk?

But further to that, I'm starting to deal with my rage issues, and my relationship with Erik, in particular, but Luey to a lesser extent, and I'm afraid this will all be too much stress and I'll disintergrated into a million enraged little particles and everyone will want nothing more to do with me...

Today at playgroup was very challenging. One of our members is psychologist, and a number of our members had very traumatic childhood's (like my own), and so eventually the conversation turned to how we parent when we're trying to deal with trauma from our own childhood. The question was posed to our Psych friend, "What's the difference between anger and rage, and what's the difference between anger at a child and abuse" and the answer came back and descrived the way I feel and what I've done with Erik, and Luey to a much lesser degree as rage and child abuse...

I KNOW this, it's not news to me, but something about being with other mums that I respect and that I want to like me, and realising I was the only one who could be described this way just peeled back that layer of detachability I've had surrounding this. It all welled up and I couldn't cope. I didn't fall apart there and then, but for nearly 2 hours after leaving playgroup I was on the verge of tears thinking about Erik and his experiences with me to date. he hasn't deserved any of it, neither has Luey, but it's mostly Erik who has copped the brunt of my rages... I felt sick t the point of vomiting.

I like that this stuff is finally surfacing, it means I can deal with it. I'm very uncomfortable with trying to deal with it at playgroup though, it's too much.

I'm going to ask if people don't mind not discussing this stuff at playgroup, because it's just too raw for me, as much as I want to know more and learn more, I need to do it in an environment where I don't feel so exposed.

Please Mum, can we, pleeeeeaaassseeee1

The boys have never had their photo taken with Santa before, and Erik is nearly 7.5 years old... Today they saw Santa at our local shopping centre and basically BEGGED to be allowed to have their photo taken. I tried to discourage them, but Luey proceeded to lean against my belly at a forty five degree angle in a desperate attempt to stop me walking past Santa...

So anyway, decided seeing as there wasn't a line, we got a photo taken... By "a" I mean one, because literally two seconds after this pic was taken, Bryn realised I was standing waaaaaaay over THERE and he was stuck with Erik and Luey sitting next to some strange guy with a towel on his face...

But yeah, now we have one of "those" photos...

Erik told Santa that he wanted a Yugi board, I told him Santa had that all in hand... It's funny, yk, Erik and Luey know that the Santas at the shop are "representatives" of the Christmas spirit, and not the real St Nic they're based on, but Erik told me today he likes to "believe" in Santa, just because he likes Santa... He said he wished he could meet the "REAL" Santa, so I told him, he can when he's asleep. In his dreams he can talk to the real Santa, and that THAT Santa would be the real Santa...

I need feedback...

ARGH!

I'm really worried that I'm just caving into mainstream thinking...

Erik went to school last Thursday and Friday, and today he is sooooo restless, he's been getting up both mine and Dave's nose all morning, just bouncing about and generally acting very restless...

He thinks school is exciting, and so in comparison home is booooring now (how quickly did that happen)... Part of me is sorely tempted to just start him now and be done with it, but part of me feels like maybe I'm just "reading" him as being bored because it would be so easy to let to go to school and just deal with Luey and Bryn through the day...

But the truth is he DOES want to be at school...

I don't know what to do!

A pleasant surprise...

Your Vocabulary Score: B+

You have a zealous love for the English language, and many find your vocabulary edifying. Don't fret that you didn't get every word right, your vocabulary can be easily ameliorated!

How's Your Vocabulary?

Today's psychic reading...

Wasinteresting, and while I *liked* everything I heard, it was all a bit too good to be true, but she said to count on it, and that I'd be wanting to call her back to say, "OMG, you were right!" - Anyway, here goes...

First she asked if I'd been having headache and I said no, but actually I have now that I think about it, but that didn't come up again...

Ok, next she said there's a lot of money coming my way, a business opportunity I've been reticent to take up with another woman, but if I did I'd end up with more money than I could imagine (this is the book a friend has been saying we should write together for the past three years, but because she and I aren't completely on the same wavelength I'm concerned it'll lead to a clash)... She said there would definitely be some locking of horns over this venture but it would turn out GREAT! IF I took it up...

She said I'd been hurt in the past, and to the point of looking over my shoulder, which means I don't trust people enough and that was why I was reticent to go into business with this woman.

She said there was a man who was flirting with me, and that he is a bit obsessive and I should be very careful because he wouldn't be satisfied with a flirtation, he would want more, and if I wasn't firm it would ruin my marriage.

She said I was a very strong woman.

She said I ran the finances in our household and that I was very good at saving.

She said I often feel alone, and that I have a tendency to bulldoxe people, rather than accept that they just aren't on the same wavelength, and if I just stopped bulldozing I wouldn't feel so isolated.

She said Dave and I have a very strong marriage, and we are rick, in the none-financial sense.

She asked if someone I knew was pregnant, I said yes, she said that person was VERY happy :D...

Next I got the wish forfillment card, and she asked if *I* was pregnant, I said no, she said I will be and I will have girl. (later I asked her a time frame and she said in the next year, but maybe towards the end of next year)...

She said I would breastfeed and I would have a problem with mastitis in my left breast so I needed to watch out for that...

She said there was a man in my life that I would be cutting ties with, not Dave, she said she felt my brother or father (I was actually wondering if it was my brother or my father)...

She said I was having arguments with a woman, and asked if it was my mother, I said no, she said this woman wants money from me, but to be careful because this woman has a gambling problem.

She said my Amma is with me, and that my Aunties have strong metaphysical abilities as had my Amma.

She said I was a healer in a past life.

She said the giggling twins were discussing which of them would be my daughter.

She also asked which of my sons has a strong feminine side - this last question didn't go anywhere, but it confirmed for me that she was certainly connecting to something, as a friend had told me before Bryn was born that if he wasn't a girl he definitely had a very strong feminine pressence...

So, yeah nothing I didn't want to hear but a couple of challenging things... The venture with the other woman gives me the heebeegeebees... And getting pg in the next year - I just don't see how that'll happen...

Coming clean...

I've been avoiding posting this for the past couple of days... I've known I had to post it and put it out there to keep myself honest and accountable, but it's not something I've been looking forward to revealing...

I went to my third counselling session this week and we finally started to get down to some of the real issues, a big one being my relationship with Erik. On the periphery it involves Dave too, but as these sessions are for me and about me, the truths are also mainly about me...

So, we got to talking about my anger issues, and how Erik seems to trigger my anger so much more than Luey or Bryn, even though I know it's not him I'm angry at... One thing that came out was that Erik *knows* that some behaviour get me soooo mad, and yet he persists in doing them, and I know he has real impulse issues, I recognise them from my own childhood, but I also know he really doesn't *think* about the consequences of his choices until he is experiencing those consequences...

B (my counsellor) has been listening to my describing my relationhsip with Erik for three weeks now and said that from what I'd told her it definitely sounds like Erik has attachment issues. At first I thought she meant he was too attached and didn't have enough sense of self seperate from me, which is what a kinesiologist had told me about three or four years ago, but this was not what she was saying.

She explained that it sounded like Erik's most prominent attachment anchors were based in experiences of me being tense or angry around him. That while he doesn't ENJPY this it's a status quo that he is comfortable with in that he knows how it plays out and it's predictable. Whereas if I'm relatively calm or relaxed or seem to be enjoying myself in his company, he gets uneasy because he doesn't know what to expect next, it's not his recognised "norm" relationship with me. Therefore when things seem calm he is compelled to create disharmony because disharmony is the norm he is used to and he knows how to deal with it - usually this means shutting it out...

The rememdy? Well, to work on introducing more and more moments of harmony into his relationship with me, so that the harmony comes to balance out disharmony or neutrality. This is done by spending one on one time with him, where I'm not torn in several directions and do thinks that focus on how much I appreciate his company and him.

It breaks my heart that I have to have this explained to me, and yes, when she said all this it rang true, it was what I already knew, but hearing it from someone else felt good in a sad way. I know I don't have these issues with Luey and Bryn, I can get frustrated with them, but it's not out of balance or out of control.

She agreed that not cosleeping with Erik and employing CC have impacted negatively on our relationship, but said it was as simple as putting it down to not doing or doing certain parenting practices.

She also said that recognising parts of myself in Erik had a lot to do with my issues with him, mainly because I'm on a quest to perfect myself and he reflects back at me how imperfect I am, and that would cause resent in me. She said I need to let go of the need to make right the wrong from my past and my families past - LOL, when she said that I felt as transparent as so much Glad Wrap, I tell you...

So, there you have... I started learning all about attachment theory even before Erik was born, and yet I still didn't manage to avoid malattachment issues in my own child. But, yk, I have to say, something has gone right along the way because I know I did a lot better by Luey and Bryn, and now I have the help and support I need to give Erik what he didn't get in the early years...

Ok, tired now, off to bed...

The start of a new era...

Erik had his first half day today, and when I went to pick him up he didn't want to leave, and his new friend, Matilda didn't want him to leave either and was very keen for me to know he was really enjoying being at school (as if she was afraid I'd think he wasn't and would take him away)...

I'm SOOOOO PROUD of him!!! His teachers told me he had had a marvellous time, and Mrs P (not his main teacher, but the other teacher who shares the double room he's in, and who I REALLY like), said in a slightly surprised voice, "He did so well socially! He's getting on really well with the other kids and isn't shy at all" Maybe she thinks homeschooled kids can't possibly have had the opportunity to learn useful social skills, LOL...

Ms G (Erik's main teacher) was keen to know when he'd be back and when I mentioned that he'd already told me a couple of times he wants to go full time NOW, she said he was more than welcome to do that...

Picked up his uniform, hat and bag today too, and ordered Luey's (he was allowed to take his bag and hat home today though)... Also bought the boys some shorts and got Luey a plain navy short sleeved polo, so next week, when Erik wears his uniform, Luey won't feel left out...

Here they are in their bits and pieces looking soooo cute!

They HAD to have "stuff" to hang off their bags like the other kids... They didn't care that the stuff they chose was fluffy cutesy girl stuff...

Look at Erik's face, hahaha! He's so excited!!!


And the excitement continues!!!


On a more sober note...

As if to "test" this homeschooling mum, Erik tells me today that he did some writing... The assignment? To write something he does when he's good, and something he does when he's naughty... ARGH! OMG! His very first proper day and already stuff that grates on me... BUT he didn't seem at all phased by it, he was just excited that he got to write something, and quite happily wrote that when he is naughty he steals lollipops from my cupboard (something he and Luey did yesterday)... When he's good he walks across the road "very goodly" and long the street "very goodly"...

Oh my!

Anyway, he also told me two girls (Matilda and another girl who's name he couldn't remember) argued over who would get to be his "buddy", and he told them they both could be, that he didn't mind because he wanted them all to be friends.... Aaaawwww! What a diplomat he is already, hahaha! He rEALLY wants to go every day for the whole day... We might try a whole day next Friday and see how he goes, and then the following Friday and if he still wants to go everyday, then we're thinking of seeing what that would entail with regard to fees etc... It would only be for two or three weeks anyway, but might mean he gets a better chance to get to know the other kids...

Big milestones for Bryn...

Yesterdayday I left Bryn with Dave for the longest time I ever have in his short 15 month (tomorrow) life... I went to my counselling session, then met Jen for lunch afterwards and all in all was away from him for 6 and a bit hours. Apparently, he started crying as I walked down the driveway (I heard that but kept walking, as I didn't want to confuse him by coming back and seeming concerned, afterall he was with his dad and his big brothers who love him, and who he loves and trusts)... Then Dave sat with him for a bout 10 minutes while he settled down, finally getting distracted from his upset by the appearance of B1 and B2 on ABC, LOL... After that he was fine... Went down for his nap at the normal time, slept nearly two hours, played with the boys, and was calm and smiley when I came through the front door. Had REALLY long boobies (much to my relief, LOL)... And has been fine, and went to bed as if nothing different had happened today.

This is soooo good for me to see...

I was thinking about why babies want to be with their mums and dads ALL the time while sitting on the train going to the counsellors, and I came t the conclusion that for our babes it's like being IN LOVE... You know how when you're first in love with someone you just want to be with them all the time, and your heart ACHES when you can't be with them, and if they go for a short while, you can manage, but if they start to want to make a habit of going away and doing stuff without you, you start to wonder why they don't want ot be with you as much as you want to be with them... Well, I reckon that's how it is for our babies. They simply fall in love with us, and being away from us just pains them, and if we going away often they just can't understand why we don't want to be with them the way they want to be with us... So, basically, to be able to leave them without them blaming themselves, we have to ensure they fall in love with other people too, LOL, like dad, and nanna, or other people they see and can trust to be there for them and they can feel love them too...

Other miles stones... Ok, if you're not aware of my preoccupation with Bryn not walking yet, you must be living under a rock, LOL... BIG NEWS!!! Yesterday (Dave and my anniversary) he took multiple steps right off his own bat... TODAY he crossed the loungeroom TWICE!!! I think it's fair to say HE'S FINALLY WALKING!!!!

It's so funny... Erik walked in the week before turning 16 months. Luey walked in the week before turning 14 months, and now Bryn has decided to walk in the week before turning 15 months! The must be something special about "the week before"...

Finally, he's CLIMBING! It had to happen, this was NOT something I was long awaiting mind you... It started last week with climbing up on an upturned crate, then up on the couch, and finally his MAJOR goal, my very much coveted (by ever male in this household) black leather chair by the tv! Boy was he pleased with himself when he managed that, and thus come the following pics, LOL...


Bryn making it quite clear what he thinks of my requests for him to sit on his bottom in my chair...


Boogying down to The Easybeats and The Monkeys....


Aren't I the cleverest little chappy in Australia!!!

Big milestones for Bryn...

Today I left Bryn with Dave for the longest time I ever have in his short 15 month (tomorrow) life... I went to my counselling session, then met Jen for lunch afterwards and all in all was away from him for 6 and a bit hours. Apparently, he started crying as I walked down the driveway (I heard that but kept walking, as I didn't want to confuse him by coming back and seeming concerned, afterall he was with his dad and his big brothers who love him, and who he loves and trusts)... Then Dave sat with him for a bout 10 minutes while he settled down, finally getting distracted from his upset by the appearance of B1 and B2 on ABC, LOL... After that he was fine... Went down for his nap at the normal time, slept nearly two hours, played with the boys, and was calm and smiley when I came through the front door. Had REALLY long boobies (much to my relief, LOL)... And has been fine, and went to bed as if nothing different had happened today.

This is soooo good for me to see...

I was thinking about why babies want to be with their mums and dads ALL the time while sitting on the train going to the counsellors, and I came t the conclusion that for our babes it's like being IN LOVE... You know how when you're first in love with someone you just want to be with them all the time, and your heart ACHES when you can't be with them, and if they go for a short while, you can manage, but if they start to want to make a habit of going away and doing stuff without you, you start to wonder why they don't want ot be with you as much as you want to be with them... Well, I reckon that's how it is for our babies. They simply fall in love with us, and being away from us just pains them, and if we going away often they just can't understand why we don't want to be with them the way they want to be with us... So, basically, to be able to leave them without them blaming themselves, we have to ensure they fall in love with other people too, LOL, like dad, and nanna, or other people they see and can trust to be there for them and they can feel love them too...

Other miles stones... Ok, if you're not aware of my preoccupation with Bryn not walking yet, you must be living under a rock, LOL... BIG NEWS!!! Yesterday (Dave and my anniversary) he took multiple steps right off his own bat... TODAY he crossed the loungeroom TWICE!!! I think it's fair to say HE'S FINALLY WALKING!!!!

It's so funny... Erik walked in the week before turning 16 months. Luey walked in the week before turning 14 months, and now Bryn has decided to walk in the week before turning 15 months! The must be something special about "the week before"...

Finally, he's CLIMBING! It had to happen, this was NOT something I was long awaiting mind you... It started last week with climbing up on an upturned crate, then up on the couch, and finally his MAJOR goal, my very much coveted (by ever male in this household) black leather chair by the tv! Boy was he pleased with himself when he managed that, and thus come the following pics, LOL...

Bryn making it quite clear what he thinks of my requests for him to sit on his bottom in my chair...

Boogying down to The Easybeats and The Monkeys....

Aren't I the cleverest little chappy in Australia!!!

10 years together, 8 years married...

Well, today Dave and I have been together for 10 years, living together for 9, married for 8...

We'll toast this milestone tonight, but that's about it for this year :D... I have big plans for two years from now, but don't want to get too cocky, LOL... Getting this far, I think, in this day and age and still being happy together is a pretty good achievement...

I've celebrated today by recieving yet another new nappy, LOL...



Had pre-ordered a Cute Tooshie at the Children's expo last month, and then saw this one with the black cats with their ginormous eyes, and just couldn't resist... Red suits Bryn a lot too...

Well, these past 10 years with Dave have given me many things, but I've got to say the most valued of them all are my three boys, and this is them in all their glory today - Bryn complete with vegemite grin, LOL...

Is 60% weird really that bad???

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

What kind of artist should I be...

You Should Be a Poet

You have a way with words... and a talent for drawing the pure emotions out of experiences. Your poetry has the potential to make people laugh and cry at the same time. You just need to write it!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

Hmmm, well, yes, I'm a writer (at least that's what I've claimed on two of my boy's birthcertificates, LOL), but I've never really given poetry a go. I love to read poetry, and thing it's very clever (certain kinds of poetry), but hmmmm, never thought I had that kind of creativity...

I love our horticulturalist!

Our gardner is ACE! First of all, he has all the charm of Jamie Durie (or however that's spelt), he doesn't look like him (he's got kind of dark blonde curly hair)...

Secondly, he's a family guys about my age, with three boys, who he adores, so he's just GREAT with my boys, chats to them, fusses over them, it's really nice.

But MOST importantly!!! He just does nice little extras FOR FREE, like cutting back the lavender so I'm not at risk of being stung by bees, or STRAIGHTENING OUT OUR CLOTHES LINE!!! I didn't even mention it! He just came to the front door before (to get the money we pay him), and said, "Oh and I straightened out your clothes line, but tell the boys they can't swing on it now, or it might snap next time" I hadn't even told him about the clothesline, or that the boys bent it (that's was probably a given, hehehe)... He just saved us $500!!!

The funny thing is, Dave tried to straighten the clothesline this morning, but couldn't do it - bloody hell, Dave's pretty strong, too! Steve must be Hercules in disguise!!!

Bit and pieces from today...

Went to the new playgroup place today... It's pretty good, though I didn't get a chance to see outside. It was a cold day today... Spent the first hour there on my own. It's funny how, when you're on your own, when you're not expecting to be, all these thoughts of self-doubt flood in... Did I get the day or time wrong? Are people purposely avoiding me? Is someone mad at me? Silly thoughts...

Jayne turned up, and we sat and chatted for 1.5 hours... Then she's showing me around the NH, and we run into a lady I used to work with at another NH about 7-8 years ago. This other woman knew me by my old name, and when she knew me I was about 15kg heavier or so, had a short black bob and was either pregnant with, or had just had Erik.... Hahaha, she recognised me by my voice (yes, it MUST be distinctive, hahaha)... I recognised her by the dress she was wearing, I swear she was wearing the same dress 7 years ago!

I decided to see how far the walk was from the NH to the shopping centre, as the NH is literally around the corner from the boys' school. It took me 26 minutes to walk, at a clipped pace, with Bryn on my back, to the shopping centre.

On my walk I passed the house Amanda had listed on her blog as a GREAT house she and Dh had checked out for buying... Amanda, if you read this... WOWOWOWOWOWOW! I saw the placard outside the house, of the rooms inside, it's GORGEOUS! And it's sooooo well placed - 15 mintues walk from a major shopping centre, recreation centre, great parks - and EXACTLY where Dave and I want to move in a years time! It would be just too good if you guys got that place...

Anyway, so after dropping the boys at school, I plan to walk back to the shopping centre, also I'll walk up to the school to pick them up in the afternoon... I don't know if they'd be up to the walk themselves, but maybe...

While out, I decided to go in search of some new jeans. I have three pair of pants at the moment; mid-blue jeans size 14, dark blue jeans size 16 and black pants with pin-stripes size 16. All three are just falling off me and it isn't a goood thing... So, anyway I was carrying Bryn in the ergo on my back, and he'd fallen asleep, so you can imagine how hard it was to try on pants, but well, I was fairly motivated (it isn't often I get to go out without the bigger boys in tow)...

I went into the change room with three pair of jeans, sizes 14, 13, and 12... All of them in stretch denim, which seems to be the only thing on sale in the large department stores atm... Got the 14 and 13s on easily. Whoo hoo! last time I wore size 13 was back in 1993... Got the size 12s on too, but they felt a bit tight around my bum, but WOW! I got them on, done up and all, even with the ergo on!

That's my brag of the day...

I have to come back soon and talk about how losing a lot of weight is like winning the lotto - both in good ways and NOT very good ways....

Little Angels on Earth...

It's amazing how you can be affected deeply by the loss someone you only know online is experiencing...

Earlier this year an acquaintence lost her little boy after only three days of life. Little Sam's short life and premature death was completely unexpected. A terrible tragedy that I felt deeply despite only knowing his mother very casually through a group we both attended.

Today, another acquaintence, this time online only, lost her little girl, one month after her birth. This time we had a couple of weeks notice of the impending tragedy, and when the news came in today I cried. I didn't know this little girl, had only seen a couple of photos of her, but somehow I felt so deeply the immense sadness of holding your baby for such a short time. Is there a greater pain than losing a child? I can't imagine any greater pain. No mother or father should have to experience it.

Somehow, the loss of a baby seems so much worse. All the dreams and hopes that are left floating in the air around the space where the baby should have been giggling and playing and learning and growing and loving...

In honour of Sam and Heidi and all the other little Angels who tiptoed on this Earth briefly I wish everyone who reads this peace and love, and that we should all spread that peace and love around to all the children we know who are here with us giggling, playing, learning, growing and loving...

Slack slackety slack...

Well, I did actually type out a looong blog the other day, but it was so long that after two days I hadn't finished it and then I had to reboot the computer (bad laptop owner, leaving laptop on standby for two days)...

It was a long blog of my life and basically how bloody marvellously it has turned out.

There were a couple of things that had me reflecting on the turn out of my life. Dave going to his thirty year highschool reunion on Saturday night was one. He finished highschool the year I started school, and I started school six months early (aged 4.5)... He looked very smart in his black drill pants (what else?), shiny new shoes, maroon and black vertically striped shirt and black tie (the woman at the men's clothing shop had tried to sell him a custard/tan tie, because apparently light coloured ties with dark shirts are the newest clothing "statement" for men, Dave reassured her his belly was more than enough statement for him)... There was one guy there dressed in a full suit but everyone else was apparently pretty casually dressed, so Dave was looking quite sharp in comparison. Not only that but his job (Graphic Designer/DTP) sounded very top notch too... AND then there was the fact, he had a wife 13 years younger than him, he'd never divorced, and he had three young boys. Overall he came off very successful, hahahaha! The guy who organised the night, his wife is four years younger than me, and 7.5 months pregnant with her first! So, he didn't have the youngest wife/family there, so he wasn't "weird" hahaha!...

The other spark for reflectin was a post on AB featuring photos of members from their teens and posing the question, had life turned out as people expected. When I thought aobut it, I have everything I ever dreamed off. Then again, I never expected to get these things. I never made many plans for my life at all. So, to have found a life partner, had three kids, gone to Uni, even finished a Masters are all above and beyond my expectations. To have been published is just amazing to me.

In fact, after having Bryn, I went through a period of WHAT NOW? Because basically, I'd achieved more than I'd ever hoped to, and so I had nothing to strive for anymore (that's the problem with peaking early, rofl)...

Material things are very important to several of my friends, and I think that is perfectly valid. These things have never been terribly important to me. Mostly, I think, because I don't like that feeling of wanting something out of reach, so then I tend to try and shift my focus. Besides which, I've always believed if something was important enough to me, I would find a way of achieving it. I guess in a number of ways I have done that. I fought for my kids. I got the camera I always dreamed off, i got the laptop, the dryer, the dining suite. Yes, these things took planning, but I'm not adverse to a bit of planning if that's what it takes...

So, yeah my life ain't too shabby...

One of my fave sayings has always been, "Expect nothing, and you'll never be disappoint". I've been told it's a very negative saying, but I see it as very positive. Everything that happens to me is a blessing, and I never ask myself why me when things don't work out, because I don't expect things to be great all the time...

Hahahaha, this is reading very self-congratulatory, I know, but I suppose I just realised that my life is pretty great :D, certainly compared to what I dreamt for myself when I was a teenager...

First session at school...

We took the boys for their first school transition session this morning... It was absolutely pouring down, and so we decided to take a taxi, because there are now five of us we had to order a maxi taxi, which just took forever to get here, so we ended up being 10 minutes late (with me lecturing Dave about getting his lisence so we can avoid this kind of crap in future, grrrrr - this seems to have happened a few times lately that we've had something important to do and been impeded by bad weather or having to wait for cabs to turn up)...

Anyway, because we were late, the preppies were already in their assigned classes, so we took our boys to Erik's class and he just bolted in there and immediately included himself in whatever they were doing
like he'd been there for years, LOL...

Poor Luey looked a bit bluffed, he couldn't see where Erik had gone but also knew this wasn't his class so he couldn't just follow Erik in either. The Principal turned up then and said she'd take Luey to his class, and grabbed his hand, and I could see he was little shy bout that and I wanted to go with him, but then the Principal was already on her way down the hall, with Luey in hand, so Dave and I both stood there calling out, "See you in a bit, have fun!" Geez, but he looked so small!

We went off to the hall with the other parents for coffee and a short talk by the school environmentalist program co-ordinator. Most of the other parents were in their mid to late 30s I'd say... There were a couple in thiir twenties, a couple in their forties, and at least one set of grandparents. Plenty of dads so Dave didn't look or feel out of place. There were only three babies their about Bryn's age, all the other "younger siblings" looked about 3 or 4, so I'd say it was mostly "completed" families there. Mostly homeowners as opposed to us renting types too. We noticed one other family who took public transport like us... I'm a little concerned about how to go about breaking in to the group of mums. It seemed that most people there knew someone already, or at least had found some one (or three) to talk to. Probably thanks to their kids sharing kinder, but who knows. I'm fairly shy socially until I actually get to know people, I'm hoping the school or someone organises some sort of event where parents get a chance to get to know each other better, because I'm not very good at just sidling up to people and introducing myself... About 45 minutes later it was time to collect the kids.

They were both very excited, had had great fun! Both seemed to slip right into the setting very easily (which I accredited to mine and Dave's awesome parenting job, hahahaha!)... Erik reckoned he'd made two friends already (which means he talked to two other kids there), one boy named Liam, and he couldn't remember the other boys name. Luey noted there is another Lukas in his class (either that or he didn't realise they were talking to him, hahaha), and there is a Zak too, but he doesn't wear glasses (as opposed to Beck's Zak who does - he seems to think "Zak"s should wear glasses!)... Luey was particularly excited because he got to play on a computer by himself!

So, they'll do this again next thursday, and the following, and then Erik will go back on the Friday for half a day, and the following week they'll do their last hour of the Thursday, and Erik will do another half day on the Friday, and the week after he'll do a full day as well...

I was a bit taken aback by how fast they disappeared into the classes this morning because we were late, we didn't get much of a chance to "see them off" but maybe that was a good thing, because it also didn't give them a chance to pick up on our nerves for them...

A lot of the kids were wearing uniforms already, so we might get the boys a set each to wear, especially Erik for his half and full days when he'll be the only kid in the class that's "new"...