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Interesting times...

I'll start this blog by saying, this isn't a whinge, I'm not unhappy :)... In fact, in the light of recent posts I'm very happy with how I'm handling things, I think there has definitely been a bit of a shift...

The thing is, of course, with all the preps for the boys going to school, and then with Erik actually starting school, and Luey thinking he is missing out and not understanding why HE can't go for full days too, there has been a lot of upheaval.

As well as this, Erik is totally jazzed about being at school and so he's finding it hard to go to sleep at night because, as he puts it, he can't stop thinking about everything he's done all day and all the kids he's played with (both Dave and I take time with him, individually, to discuss his day, so he gets an opportunity to "get it out")...

On Friday morning he woke at 5am and he'd wet his bed. This was because he normally wakes at that time to go to the toilet, but he was extra tired and sluggish waking up and just didn't make it out of bed fast enough.

Yesterday, coming back from school, he was very tired and emotional... Because he was going to school for another long day, and Luey was feeling left out, i took Luey with me to a major shopping centre to run some errands, but while out I actually had to get Luey a little back pack for our daytrips out, then I also bought Luey a plastic shark, and let him have a go on a fairground game in the shopping centre, from which he won some plastic binoculars... So, yes, he did score yesterday, but also he was feeling very down about Erik getting to go to school and play with all the kids and do fun stuff, so I thought it might be nice for him to have a special day himself.

So, of course, you can see what's coming, and I knew what would happen too, but really had thought Erik would understand that he got to be at school with all the kids and do fun stuff there... Nah, forget it!

First thing was he wanted McDonalds for dinner, now we haven't eaten Maccas all year, until two weeks ago, we had one meal as a special treat, first time this year! But since then, he's been asking for Maccas on a regular basis, always when I'm around other people too (maybe he thinks I'm less likely to say no then, in fact, I'm MORE likely to say no, because I don't want people thinking he has Maccas all the time, yk?)...

So, I said no... Tears... Then he wanted me to buy him a toy because Luey had gotten a bag and two small toys yesterday, again I said no, more tears... I was really struggling with this because we were on the bus to the shopping centre by now, and Bryn was also getting stroppy, so then I had two kids crying... So, I said, maybe one SMALL toy from the Reject Shop - BZZZZ - WRONG! Bad idea, that one... First off, Erik starts trying to negotiate for a "better" toy option (Erik is my Master negotiater, always trying to better his end of the deal, LOL), THEN Luey picked up on Erik GETTING something, and of course, he then HAD to have something too...

So, getting rather overwhelmed by this point and realising my mistake, I pulled the plug completely... NO toys for anyone, only dinner out (as pre-arranged with Dave), and NO Maccas... Lamenting ensued. Then from me, "Well, if you two don't stop all this carry on right now, not ONLY will you not get any toys or Maccas, but Luey I'll take away your bag and other toys, and Erik you can forget the camping trip" - Oh yes, very clever, NOT!

Remember, this is me handling this WELL! Previously, I would have threatened to wallop them both...

Anyway, Luey then decides to GIVE Erik his binoculars... I tried to put a stop to this because Luey is a notorious Indian Giver... But, Luey was insistent.

This morning I woke up to a raging row between Luey, Erik and Dave... Luey wanted his binoculars back... I've basically said he can't have them back, now that he's given them to Erik. He's not happy about it at all... There have been a lot of squabbles this morning, and I know it's because they're both adjusting and tired and cracky and what not...

I myself am feeling rather on edge, I've got to say. All this bickering, and my inability to "do the right thing", as in me making choices, I later regret, as me feeling a bit of low level rage, which I'm handling really well, but basically just putting a stopper in it...

One thing I'm learning is I do cope better when I get physical exercise - maybe my ADD has a hyperactivity component in it afterall??? So, anyway, at about 11.30am I'm going to get Bryn down for a nap, luckily he's pretty predictable with his nappying, and then I'm going to walk up to the shopping centre, do my shopping for the trip away and walk back, that will give me some head space and also some physical exertion...

Yeah, so interesting times...

On a happy note, Bryn got his SS pressie from my EB group yesterday, and part of it was a Little People set (a mechanic with a towtruck and a car) and he LOVES it, hahahaha! We used to have lots of Little People stuff but the bigger boys wouldn't really play with it, preferring their Duplo, so we gave it all the lovely Audrey, but now we've got more of it, and Bryn actually likes it, go figure!

I have to send of my SS package today, or at least get it ready for Dave to send on Monday, I've bought it all, just haven't wrapped it yet...

IL's are coming over tomorrow for Lunch, MIL's birthday lunch, I'm sure they'll want to see the boys in their uniforms, they're very excited about the boys going to school (and being "like normal little boys")... So, busy, busy, busy seems to be my mantra of late...

Comments

casso said…
I had this thought literally as I fell to sleep last night thinking about your situation the other day with the boys. James and I had tried to thrash out some UP friendly methods of dealing with it and the big one we came up with was that being on the bus meant nothing meaningful would be resolved there (not with all the old grannies sticking their big ears in anyway, LOL!).

So as I was drifting off, I came up with this idea of the 'bag of holding' (I am a D&D nerd, sorry!). What you could do is start using this idea at home so that you could progress to using it out of the home for things like this. Anyway, what my idea was - find a little box or bag or something and stick a couple of stars on it and write a name on each star (include parents too!). Then say to the boys that the box holds everyone's thoughts/words in there and 'traps' them inside. Then when it's a better time to discuss them you can open it again and re-discuss the issues that were the problem.

One part of my thinking was that given a little time from most issues, we all calm down. The other was that it can give *you* a little more time to try and work out how you're going to handle it (without the big emotional element of frustration, stress, etc). You would, of course, have to work on using it beforehand at home so that the boys know and trust that the issue at hand will be revisited (you couldn't have used it first off in this situation for example, cos I'm sure they would have just said "No way" and continued).

The other point Jimbo brought up was that Erik's 'present' s going to school. Not that you want to use that as a weapon against him (ie: "If you don't let Luey have this toy then you're not going to school on Monday" kind of thing - VERY un-UP, lol!). But more in the vein of "When you went to school yesterday that was the equivalent of getting a shark for Luey. And I know that because you want to look after and care for your brother, you want to see him happy" sort of statement.

Another suggestion - ask *them* what you should do. Say - look, I really don't like to see everyone unhappy. I was just trying to make Luey happy because the normal thing that makes him happy, which is Erik, wasn't there. Now we have $3 to spend today on making the two of you happy. Why don't you try to work out a way that we can best spend it so that you can get on with the rest of the day?". If they can't organise something then you can say "Looks like you need me to help you make the final decision. How about I give you a couple of suggestions and then we all choose?".

Anyway, thought I'd pop in and try to offer some different approaches - it must be so difficult when you're in the moment to actually think of them that getting a new perspective could be helpful....or annoying! LOL! I am not precious so just tell me to back off if you want! :o) Steel skin over here, so no hard feelings if you want me to step away hon.

Cheers, Cass
casso said…
Oh and just wanted to add - if their suggestion is really something you're not happy with (Erik bullied Luey into giving him $2 and Luey just gets $1 worth of present orsomething similar), just don't worry about it. That's the dynamic of their relationship and if you tell them they can decide and then over-ride what they choose then they won't trust that you will allow them that as a real option in the future.

Ok, I am now officially going to stop worrying about this topic, LOL! :o) Hope you have a good weekend.

Cheers, Cass

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