Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year Everybody!!!

Ah, don't you just love the fresh clean smell of New Year's Day, when the world is full of all sparkly new possibilities and the year is yet to be marred with a single bad memory!!!

Resolutions... Yes, I do resolutions, and usually I make them happen, in the past few years anyway. I'm always fairly realistic with my New Year's resolutions, mind you, because I just hate getting to the end of a year and looking back and seeing that I didn't follow through with something, so I tend to make resolutions I'm fairly sure I can stick with, hahaha!

Resolutions for 2007

  1. I will spend less money on things we don't need. This means that before every purchase I will ask myself, "Do I/we (as a family) need this item?" I define "need" as physical and/or emotional need because I recognise that there are times when we don't physically *need* something, like takeaway dinner, but emotionally we *need* a break. However, we do not *need* to eat takeaway every day or week for a break, if we find ourselves *needing* an emotional boost via a purchase regularly, then there is something amiss that NEEDS to be put to rights to prevent further emotion based purchases... I hope that makes sense?
  2. I will formulate a working routine and stick with it with regard to keeping the house in order - to a standard where we're not going mad in the chaos and where I would be happy for people to come into the house and look into every room. This may include hiring a cleaner to come in once a week/fortnight to wash toilet/bathroom/floors, depending on what our budget allows.
  3. I will put as much effort into my writing this year as I put into losing weight last year. Every week i will write SOMETHING towards my portfolio, be it a short story, a piece of my "Echos" manuscript (can you believe that 10 years after initially showing this to Dave - I wrote it 12 years ago, mind you - Dave actually remembered the title of this manuscript this morning, when I couldn't for the life of me remember it!!!), a poem (really have to start learning to write poetry), an article, or just "a snippet"...
  4. I will continue to work on the bit of weight I have left to lose and then on maintaining my healthy weight and increasing tone and fitness.
That's well and truly enough, I think...

I did a written ritual last night, and a reading for myself asking what 2007 would bring...

I drew four cards, the first popped out at me, so it is meant for taking special note of... The next three were drawn... I'll list them here with my impressions of them, in reflection...

Eireen - Peace - "There is no need to worry, as everything is working out beautifully"
  • This card popped out while I was shuffling, which means it is to be taken special note of in relation to all the other cards. My first impression of this is that it relates to me concerns my ongoing hope for a fourth child, in a timeline that won't impact on Bryn, but would also work with my strong desire to write. I was told by Connie that I could and would have both a new baby and success in writing, and I've been worried about how that might happen. Also because I want Dave to want this next baby, I don't want to force it on him, and I am willing to let go of a fourth child, but then I worry about always having this low level longing - I don't want to feel like this for the next 20 years of my life (thinking past menopause it would be a non-issue). So, I worry about longing and worry about having another baby and how that might impact on everyone, Bryn, me, Dave... This card is saying to surrender up all this worry, it will all work out for the best, however that is...
Ishtar - Boundaries - "Love yourself enough to say no to others demands on your time and energy"
  • I read this card as a confirmation that stepping back from MAP and AB to concentrate on my writing, as well as allowing the boys to go to school (against my better judgement at times) is right for me on this path at this time. Those things had a time of their own and were the right thing to commit to at that time, but now I need space and time to write and refocus on this new part of my journey and that is not a selfish thing (I worry sometimes that the "convenience" of the boys choosing to go to school right now is just too serendipitous and that somehow I engineered this sub-consciously and it will harm them)...
Aine - Leap of Faith - "Take the risk and put your true desire into action"
  • Again this is the twofold desire for another baby and to be published and become a recognised author in print. Both these things burn in my heart and the card says
    Procrastinating about your dreams won't make them go away. Neither will it make them happen. Indecision is the death of soul's burning passion to improve, grow, and learn. Don't worry about making a wrong decision. Instead, worry about making no decision at all! Then take time to pray, meditate, investigate, research, go on nature walks... and make your decision. Once made, the universal energies will immediately support your decision, and doors will successively open as if by magic. The magic, you see, is that you've set your mind to accomplish something. And this intention is what sets you on your magical journey. Trust that the universe will support you in all ways. Trust that your intention is clear and right for you. And then take a leap of faith and jump fully and squarely into the midst of putting your dreams into action. Don't hesitate of delay a moment longer!
  • So, there you have it. I want to be published and I want another baby, I need to just decide to do these things, work towards these things, and the universe will see to it they happen!
Mawu - Mother Earth - "You are called upon to help with environmentalism"
  • At first, I really couldn't fathom what this card was about. I know a lot of people who are into environmentalism, but honestly I'm not *into* it like that. I recycle. We don't drive a car, but that's not my choice, I was using cloth nappies, but slipped away from that in recent weeks, we don't water our garden or anything, but environmentalism isn't a passion of mine I'm shy to admit, so I couldn't fathom why I was getting this card or what it had to do with anything else in my life... I decided to draw another card to see if it clarified anything for me, but it was Guinevere, which spoke of being more romantic. The next card was Diana, which spoke of focused intention and making your mark. The next card was Cordelia, which spoke of going outside and being with nature, and finally I got Kali, which spoke of new beginnings and endings and how the old must be released so the new could enter... By now I was really confused! Then I realised I was looking for a particular answer, and there wasn't one. So I sat quietly thinking about the other cards I'd drawn and about writing and babies and whatnot, and suddenly the thought of the manuscript I'd given to Dave to edit way back when I had a bit of crush on him came to me... Now all the other cards made sense to me... Guinevere talking about love, that was about when Dave and I were courting and I had him read my manuscript, it was how we broke the ice so to speak, the manuscript got put aside though. Diana referred to my onging desire to write and becoem a recognised author. Cordelia spoke again of going outside and communing with nature, which along with the environmentalist theme actually refers to a sub-theme of the manuscript itself, and then Kali taking about beginnings and ending and making way for new stuff; the manuscript is a good one, but it needs a lot of work, it's a great place to START but I need to clear away a lot of the old manuscript to make way for the new stuff that needs to be written to make it publishable.
The RELIEF of finally figuring out what the last card meant, LOL, cannot be probably expressed here! So, now I have a plan, a goal, a path to follow. Can I just add here, one of the things I asked for at the beginning of 2006 was to get a clear map about what the next part of my life would be about... Meeting, marry Dave and having the three boys was such a major goal in my life that once Bryn was born I felt like I'd accomplished everything I set out to do in this life (writing aside, but I wasn't feeling any desire to write at that point either)... I was all at sea for a VERY long time. Even when, towards the middle of 2006 I knew I would have to get back into writing (thanks amongst others to Rae's dream), I didn't know WHAT or HOW I was supposed to write. Now I feel like I have a compass to work with!

3 comments:

Rae said...

I'm glad if my dream helped you clarify what you'd been feeling for a while. You are a writer and its such a joy to read your blog and see you powering through your goals. :)
Happy new year!!!

Cabrissi said...

*VBG* I had a feeling baby number four wasn't totally out of the cards yet! ;-)

Sounds like some very resonating things revealing themselves to you in the cards! Missing you at MAP but of course I'm so happy for you that you're pursuing your writing as well! I claim dibs on the first autograph at your booksigning!

Sif said...

Yes, I'll use the pen you got me!!!

Teenagers and the failing parent...