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So happy to say...

After all my bellyaching in the past couple of days, the boys and I had a lovely day out today. At first I really wasn't sure what was going on. I'd decided to try and have as positive an attitude as possible, not to go on and on about them "behaving". not to micromanage them in my fearfilled hope to avoid any kind of public embarrassment. Just to accept them and love them as they were and to move on from any embarrassing situations as smoothly as I could, while gently guiding them...

So, we left the house just before 10am to go catch a bus. As we were walking up to the stop the bus zoomed past. Being that the busses are currently on a holiday timetable this meant a 30 minutes wait until the next bus. This would usually spell disaster because of the boys finding it extremely challenging to stay close to the bus shelter when having to wait for anything more than 5-10 minutes. I decided not to make a point of asking them to stay in the bus shelter and sit still and wait for the bus. Erik did his thing of "racing the cars" on the nature strip in front of the stop, and Luey, oddly enougn, mostly stayed close to me, chatting with me and Bryn...

At one point I showed Luey a little tricky high five (as in high fiving with your hands) game, that goes "Give me five, give me ten, up high, down low, oops, too slow!" He thought that was funny and we showed Erik and all had a good laugh when both boys managed to get me before I moved my hands away...

As so we passed the 30 minutes rather pleasantly, and got on the first bus. On the bus the boys shared a seat and sat in the seat for the ENTIRE time with their hands in their laps, no fighting, no fidgeting, I couldn't believe it! I hardly dared to breathe in case I broke the spell.

We got the shopping centre where we had to change buses, and there was another 20 minutes wait there. The boys asked for a bottle of water each, and I said they would have to share a bottle as I didn't have enough change to get two from the vending machine, and didn't want to go into the centre. They didn't try to bargain with me. Then the vending machine actually gave them two bottles, which was such a bonus, we were all happy about that, and they both happily shared their water with me and Bryn.

On the next bus we had a repeat of the beautiful hands in lap behaviour from the first ride, and I have to say I was gobsmacked. I'm positive they've never done this before (and I'm just telling Dave about it as I write this, and he's just stunned repeating, "Gee, gee. gee!" over and over).

At the play centre they were great too, they usually are. Erik stole money from my purse at one point, which I found out about after the fact, and I told him I knew he'd done it, and it upset me, but I didn't rant and rave, and I didn't refuse to give him the icecream I'd promised him. Later in the afternoon, he stole more money from my purse, and this time, I made sure I was holding my purse at all times, and again I said I'd noticed and I was happy about it, but we still had a drink from the Donut King on the way out of the shopping centre because I wanted to do something else to prolong the good mood among us all...

When we were nearly back at the shopping centre Erik asked if we could have a go on one of the games machines at the centre, and I said no, and explained that I didn't have the correct change because that is what he'd stolen from my purse and I didn't want to spend any more money than what I'd allocated for today because it would leave me short for shopping for dinner. He actually apologised for stealing the money and accepted my answer. He then asked for more water because he was hot, and I said sure I'd get more water.

When we got home, he brought me a dollar coin and said it was the change from what he'd stolen from my purse! Like, wow man!

So, in so many ways, I feel like we've had a great day today, and the boys also felt like we'd had a great day today when I was saying how nice it had been to go out together. Yay for us!

Comments

casso said…
Yay for you guys indeed! That is awesome news Sif!What do you think was the clincher for making the day a good one? What do you think you were doing differently that made the boys respond so positively? I am so happy for you all.

Cheers, Cass
Sif said…
TBH, I'm not sure I did anything at all to effect this change. Erik did ask me late this afternoon if they'd been well behaved today, so maybe he was making a special effort, but that doesn't account for Luey, unless he had a chat with Luey, and even then, I don't think Luey could have stuck with "trying to behave" all day just because Erik asked him to. yk?

It was a hot day today, which had me thinking maybe the heat drained the excess energy out of them, but then again, we've had hot days before when we've been out and that didn't seem to change their behaviour.

So, I don't know really...

When Erik asked me if they'd been well behaved today. I said it had been a lot of fun to go out with them today and I'd really enjoyed myself. I reflexively nearly said, "Yes, you were very well behaved today, you were such a good boy", but then I thought about the UP book, which I'm going to order, and thought it might not be a good idea to reinforce the idea that I'm looking for a "behaviour" as opposed to them enjoying themselves as well as me enjoying myself.

Anyway, I'm very grateful for today. so that even if today doesn't happen again for a long, long time, I know it can and probably will happen AGAIN sometime.
Juniper said…
That is just so great Sif, I am impressed! It sounds like you had a really fun day!

And I think you dealt with any "issues" really well, in particular how you used the "consequences" of Erik stealing the money, by having him unable to do the game machine. I am sure Luey saw the consequences of this as well, and I bet he also was taking note. You should be proud, I think you dealt with that really really well!

I am sure many factors contributed to today being a better day than the other day, some of which were in your control, some of which weren't, and some of which may have just been luck. But *your* way of thinking and attitude was something that *you* did to contribute to the change in atmostphere. And maybe Erik at least was trying extra hard to keep things calm, as it must be obvious to him that it helps *everyone* get along.

I reckon, take note of how *you* thought differently today, but don't over anylase the whys, just enjoy the peace and fun you had today, and fingers crossed it will happen *more* often than *less*!

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