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Um...

Ok, this is just going to be a bit of incomprehensible drivel because I feel like writing but can't think of any comprehensive theme...

There is still a lot of talk about NY resolutions going on, and the funny thing is as the week goes on it seems mostly to be from the people claiming they don't do new year's resolutions because they don't stick to them or they don't believe in them... Makes you wonder why they're so obsessed with mentioning them then, doesn't it... Maybe their new years resolutions should be to not even bother getting into the discussion of new years resolutions next year, because it would be giving the process too much of their energy - hmmmm, a resolution not to discuss resolutions, sounds good to me!

As for my own resolutions... I think today is my first day of getting into working on some of mine... I'm two and a sip glasses into my "drinking water" resolution today, after 1 and 1/2 glasses in total over the past 4 days... It's a beginning, I guess.

Also did a bit of a tidy up around the house today, which was also overdue. It has helped that Dave went back to work today. Got my room tidied, the boys' room tidied, a load of washing washed and in the dryer. Am about to pack away the rest of the Christmas pressies from the ILs - lots of arts supplies, and a few items of clothing...

Erik has been doing more work in his workbook today, he's really steaming through it, up to page 32 or something already.

Luey is doing his darnedest to bug me today. He's at a loose end and being boisterous. I smacked him on the leg before, just because I lost my temper. Not good. Even now I'm being aggressive just in how I talk to him, I really do need to approach it from a more positive position - B R E A T H E !

Erik has been trying really hard to follow the rules, be considerate and helpful, and I really appreciate it. In fact, he's been more helpful and considerate in the past few days than in a very long time, it's like he's finally getting it...

I resent the powerlessness I feel around Luey because he's so stubborn. He hates cleaning up and so if I ask him to he either just says no, or just pisses off to play, if I get made and try to make him, he does this fake, "I'm scared!" thing and freezes - I know this is fake because he's not actually upset, it's a way of procrastinating or getting out of doing something. If I try to help him clean up, he just doesn't do any of the cleaning up himself, and meanwhile I'm just feel myself getting more and more angry and resentful that it's so hard.

I've actually taken to tidying up the boys' room because I'm so sick of arguing with them about it. Erik would clean it if I asked him too, but it's not fair to him that he has to clean their room all the time. VERY occassionally I can ask Luey to put something away and he will without an argument, but it's the exception, not the rule.

Whinge, whinge, please excuse my whining, I'm just trying to sort this out in my head and sometimes when I write it down I can see where I'm being totally irrational or unreasonable.

While I was writing this, Luey did finish cleaning up, with lots of reminders from me, and now he and Erik and playing in their room. So, it's not as hopeless at it feels at times...


Comments

katef said…
Oh I have a non-packer-uper-er too.. though I was hoping she'd just grow out of it! It is one of the few thinsg that makes me feel totally powerless and incredibly frustrated at the same time! I have even resorted to physically holding her hand and making her pick up a toy and put it in said box.. diaster! Anyway enough ranble.. here's to more water and more packing up all round!
casso said…
LOL, maybe I shouldn't have recommended UP in the previous post! :o) He is very much of the opinion that if YOU want something clean then YOU clean it. So...you might need to skip those pages, haha!!!

Cheers, Cass
Sif said…
Hahahaha, Cass, yk, that's not a bad pov actually. I've fallen into the thought pattern of, if I clean for them, then they will come to expect me to clean for them forever, and they won't learn to clean for themselves, and then when they move out, they'll live like pigs...

Things is, is it my problem if they live like pigs when they move, if that makes them happy? Of course not. My problem is that I don't want MY house (the one I live in) to be a pigsty.

On the other hand, I keep thinking if they make a mess in the loungeroom, and I don't like that, so I clean up, because they don't mind the mess enough to clean it up - do I then teach them to have consideration for other, for me? Or will they just think, oh well, if she wants it clean she can clean it, I don't mind it being a mess so I have the right to leave it that way...

How do I get them to consider my needs as well? When do I get to be considered?
casso said…
I guess the main point I would pick up on there is that it isn't your house - it's their house too (in fact they're much less able to have anywhere else to live than you are). Things like cleanliness and organisation - well some people are naturally organised and others aren't as well. When I was a teenager I was a disgusting filthy pig, seriously. It makes me sick to think of it now. But along with my first adult, f/t job came the realisation that in order to be productive, I also needed to be organised, and to do that I needed to be tidy and that required cleaning. So *voila* I became a clean and tidy person. May not happen for all but it can happen that's for sure.

And as for the 'when do I get to be considered?' aspect...well, there's a woman who asks the very same question at the end of the UP dvd and do you think I can remember what his answer is? LOL! Not after having had this glass of red wine anyway! :o) Maybe you want to see the dvd?
Sif said…
Yeah! Don't leave me hanging!

You know, I think THAT is my big question here with the parenting thing, when do I get considered? I really was never considered as a child, and now I don't feel considered as an adult because I know the kids come first in so many ways, because as you say they have very few real choices... Basically, I've taken up residency in a pity party for one!
Sif said…
The yahoo UP list isn't currently taking new list members, the list owner is waiting for someone to volunteer to take over the list...
casso said…
Oh that happened just the other day (the new people) so she should took on board new members sometime soon. Will follow it up for you if you like. In the meantime, here's an article I thought you might like to read: http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm

Gotta go, chaos in the loungeroom atm!

Cheers, Cass

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