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Exahusting Week...

Well, if you're on this page looking for a witty reflection on the state of life inside my head, you'd better come back another time, nothing witty to see here...

This photo of Luey sporting his sparklepox is about as rib tickling as it gets today. I'm feeling extremely worn out, physically, emotionally, mentally - the whole spectrum (too tired to list the rest of the ways I'm tired)...

I'm not unhappy though, so this isn't going to be one of those ranty whingey blogs where I spew malcontent out into the net...

It's been a BIG week! A really big week. One of those weeks you're bound never to forget really. The kind of week it takes weeks to prepare for, a few days to get through, and then weeks to recover from - kind of like Christmas, I guess - or birthdays, when you decide like an imbicile to have three kids in the span of 6 weeks because it fits in with your study schedule...



The boys started school this week, as seen in the sig I made to mark the event. That confused look on Bryn's face was a permanent feature for Thursday and Friday as he could not for the life of him figure out why the boys were disappearing for hours each day, then coming home, without dad no less, having a shower, eating and going to bed. I think Bryn made the biggest adjustment this week, poor little mite!

I managed, after literally months of preparing and reading and rereading the school information, to stuff up Erik's first day of school by, um, missing it completely. For some reason i thought Erik and Luey were starting on the same day, Thursday, but Erik was supposed to be there on Wednesday. In the end it didn't make a big difference at all, but still, oops!

Erik started the year by losing his brand new take home folder, that's my boy! I mean really, that is just like me at his age!

Luey isn't saying anything much about school. He's firmly committed to NOT TALKING about it! He seems happy to be going though. He hasn't complained about anything or seemed upset in any way, and this morning he told me he couldn't go shopping with us because he HAD to go to school! When I told him he didn't have to go today or tomorrow, he was perfectly fine with that too, not upset or anything. He just seems to take everything in his stride. I really wish I could see inside his head though. I've always said I wouldn't worry about Luey because he's far more socially self-assured than Erik etc. but still it's a bit unnerving when Erik tells me everything he can remember about his day, and Luey say nothing at all...

Erik has already been invited for a afterschool playdate, in a week and a half. Funny thing is, the other boy's mum seems more keen about this than either her son, or Erik. Not that Erik isn't keen, but this isn't one of the kids he goes on and on about ad nauseum, iykwim? I think he's happy to be being invited somewhere though...

Wish we lived closer to the school though. would make play dates easier to organise, and would basically make pick up and drop offs easier. We have a lease until August which we're not keen to break (have a broken lease on our record already, so want to try and keep things neat), but as soon as we're free of the lease I'm going to find us a place right near the school that is bigger than this place, but not more than $300 a week, with a lock up garage, and two living areas, three bedroom of decent size, a fully enclosed yard in good conditon for Bryn to play in and airconditioning! Can't wait!

Another big thing this week was going back to see my counsellor. I've been looking forward to this, and this week I also found out that she is eligible for me to receive 12 sessins at nearly half price through Medicare, and she is have my visits back dated for last year too! Isn't she lovely!

We had a talk about an incident involving the next door neighbour and her son that left me feeling very anger and unfairly treated last week.

This anger and sense of being unfairly treated is a bit of theme in my life. So we're going to look into it further, but she was also suggesting I have a very high benchmark for myself that I'm very hard about myself on achieving. That's just another way of saying I'm a perfectionist, like my mother.

Because of this high benchmark, I don't allow myself to "stoop" to levels I see other people stoop to, or if I do give in to that impulse, I judge myself particularly harshly for doing so, and so I'm either angry that I've stooped, or I'm angry that other people feel it's ok to treat me (or people I care about) in a way that I would not feel comfortable doing myself. Anger and resentment I guess...

Letting go is very hard for me too - well, duh, it's in my natal chart, isn't it!

On the train home I was thinking. Once you start counselling, and you start to identify what your issues really are, how do you know when to stop having counselling. I know I'm not even near that place yet, but seriously, is counselling/therapy something you do for life, or do you get a set of skills that will help you deal with your own neurosis from that time on and when you're effective at using those skills you stop getting therapy? I mean, otherwise, I can see myself having counselling for the next 50 years!

Comments

Amanda O. said…
Oh wow... what a week. Some of them are just big like that! We've had a busy week, if not a big one but a fun one anyhow! ;-) Xing fingers for you that you guys can find the perfect house for your needs to rent when your lease on this one comes up! Seeing as how you've had so many things manifest for you in the past months, I'm sure the prefect one will present it self at the perfect time! Hopefully with nicer neighbors too! As far as knowing when to stop, well I'm hardly an expert but I went to mine for 4 years? Or maybe a bit more. Major issues to work out as I was horribly socially phobic, depressed/anxious, complex PTSD and struggling with my hearing loss. She was an absolute gem, someone I totally clicked with and at times I still wish I could just go have a chat and get her opinion on things but the time I stopped was right for us to stop imo. I'd really reached the point in the issues I went there wanting to deal with where they weren't FIXED totally, as in completely over... but I had enough of a handle on them and a direction and the tools I needed to go solo if that makes sense? It felt like if I went any longer it'd be like leaving the training wheels on a bike when I needed to take them off and do the rest on my own, even if it meant a couple of emotionally skinned knees. Not doing so would have meant I was stopping working on myself and just hampering further growth. Not sure that's a great lot of sense but I think when you're ready you'll just "know" it's time!

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