Last night when we transferred him to the bed, he got very angry (at the cold) and yelled for about 10 minutes inconsolably, then finally fell asleep, about 30 minutes into his sleeping a bubble of giggle popped up out of this mouth, it was SOOOO cute, made me giggle too. 10 minutes later another bubble popped out - I think he must have been dreaming about playing witht he boys, because it was the same giggle he giggles when he's got Luey chasing him around the dining room table...
Anyway, to the title of this post... Today Erik lost a great toy that his best friend from school gave him for his birthday just two days ago. Erik had wanted to take it out of the house to show off, and I had warned him he might lose it (he is prone to losing stuff when out - yet another thing he's inherited from me, eek!)... But he really wanted to take it, and in the spirit of giving him more responsibility as he gets older, I agreed he could.So, he lost the toy. He didn't seem overly upset, but I was...
I've been thinking about this tonight. Why was I so upset? Well, basically it comes down to wanting to make a good impression on his new friend and his friend's mum who had gone to the trouble of finding this excellent interactive toy for Erik, that encouraged him to read etc...
I'm now afraid that on Monday, either Erik or I are going to have to admit he's already lost the toy, and I'm afraid Erik's friend, or his mum are then going to think we don't value their friendship. *I* value Erik's friend's friendship and the effort this child's mother has put into fostering the friendship between these boys a lot!!! Before this friendship, Erik really didn't have a good friend he could call his own. This friendship has really helped Erik blossom socially!
I worry that Erik will do something to "stuff up" his new friendship, but do I even have the right to take on that concern??? Is it my place to play intermediary between Erik and his friends? To sheperd Erik's behaviour with regard to his friends and make sure he does and says the things *I* think are good and helpful?
I mean, I'm not exactly a "friendship poster girl"! Erik has more natural ability in making and maintaining friendships than I did at his age.
I suspect I'm transferring too many of my own friendship issues onto him...
2 comments:
I thought about this myself when Zoe first started school this year, but rapidly came to the conclusion that the greatest benefit to her is to model the behaviour/s I'd like her to show, and then help her around specific issues by talking about it and role playing. Being naturally a bit of a loner, it has been a bit of a challenge for me to try and be more outgoing in front of her but I can see now 6 months down the track that it is having great benefits for her.
JMHO, but I think you need to step back and trust Eric to find his own way, although I'd also explain that his friend and his mum will feel sad that he hasn't looked after the toy they specially chose for him...
Love that perspective on that first picture :)
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