Friday, August 31, 2007

Listen to the man; If you're gonna do it, do it right!

The downs and now the UPS...

Counting the good stuff last night has seen me wake up this morning in a much more positive frame of mind. My period is finally over, and what's more I have fertile signs, again EARLY... Watery CM, mild O-pain, but still a negative OPK. Also I've measure 6.0 on the acid strips, which is much better than the overly alkaline 8.0 yesterday... Still not 4.5, but I've still got to get the info. from Cindy about what exactly she means by acid...

If I have another 22 day cycle, I'll have to start wondering if the universe isn't trying to fit in extra cycles for me to try to conceive with next year!

Reading Leah's blog from today, I'm thinking I really need to reconsider how I deal with the boys asking for stuff all the time, especially Erik. At the shopping centre the other day, Erik, Luey and I had a conversation which went something like:

Erik: Mum, can you please put some money in the skillstester and try and get one of the stuffed animals?
Me: No
Luey: Mum, can you please get me a smoothie from the smoothie lady?
Me: No
Erik: Mum, can you please let us have Maccas for dinner?
Me: NO!!! Now listen, you two HAVE to stop asking for stuff all the time, it's relentless and I just hate having to go through this EVERY tiime we're in here. I'm just going to say, "No" to anything you ask for from now on, ok? Get it?

I mean, all those requests were seriously back to back, even before the, "No" completely left my lips the next child was asking for something... But still, they still believe in, "Ask, and you shall receive" and I want them to believe that. I don't want them to start thinking there's no pointing asking for anything...

Good things...

Well, Bryn has been asleep in bed for the past four hours... Tonight, it was warm enough for him to go to sleep in our bed, instead of on the couch. Dave and I both lay down with him as he was a cranky pants at going to bed, despite having been Uber-whingey today (pretty out of character for him, excepting these past couple of days, so maybe his two year old molars are on the move?)... After about 40 minutes he drifted off, and so did we, I think because I came out at about 8.30, after what felt like a cat nap, and Dave soon followed, closing the bedroom door behind him. I wasn't sure if this was a good idea, being that Bryn has gotten used to sleeping in the noisier loungeroom over the past four months, but here we are, four hours later with not even a peep from the Buddha boy...

After Law and Order, Dave and I had a chat about the Erik at school, and interacting with the other parents at the school and so on, I think we're both feeling fairly comfortable there now, despite knowing that we don't share a lot in common with most of the parents there. We both tend to feel, and not in a bad way, that if we scratch the surface of most of the other parents there, they're more "white bread" compared to our "wholemeal" wrt life philosophy and parenting choices and political leanings etc. It's ok, and we don't feel superior to them, but we both feel that perhaps our way of being might be harder for other parents to digest, if that makes sense, so we both tend to "dull down" our conversations with the other parents. We have both outed ourselves mildly in difference circumstances and been met with slight recoiling, LOL, so we don't think we're projecting too much with our perceptions of the other parents... But yeah, I guess we feel like we're not total fringe-dwellers in the school community, if that makes sense...

After that, our discussion turned to writing, and the practice of writing. Dave and I have quite different methodology when it comes to writing stories and it was quite thrilling to rediscover that about each other tonight, and I'm feeling very sated by our conversation, like we've reconnected on one level, perhaps a more important level than we have in a while. It was our writing that first brought Dave and I together, but in recent years we've each busily plugged away at our writing paths in isolation to one another, and so tonight we were able to compare notes and discuss the merits of each other's style and method which was good fun!

I broke away from my vegan endeavours today and rediscovered my lactose intolerance. How can I continue to ignore this? I've always maintained it was quite a mild intolerance, but in all reality it's moderate. I had a thick shake today, and some chocolate tonight (didn't finish it, and that was WITH sharing with Dave, so I'm definitely lowering my intake threshold, which is great!)... And tonight I had bloating, wind, and a sudden rush to the loo, and off course, then it all came back to me, that this has been a regular occurance in my life that I've just accepted as normal, but well, it hasn't happened in the week since I cut out dairy, so hey, I need to stop doing this to myself!

And finally, remember the sense of doom I had this morning? Was talking with Dave about it earlier, and of course, he thinks it's about his Dad and that fact that FIL is increasingly becoming more frail and Dave believes that on the outmost, FIL only has another 12 months in him. That could be what my subconscious was processing, though my dread would be more about how to support Dave through this process, I guess... I'd had the impulse to call Dave and get him to call his parents today, but decided against it, and in hindsight that was probably a good thing, because Dave has been baring a great sense of his own dread over this in the past couple of weeks since having a D&M with his mum about his dad... No need for me to add to that...

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Something is wrong...

And I don't know what the hell it is! I started getting this feeling of dread last night, or doom, or something... It's a very uneasy feeling that isn't allowing me to concentrate on anything in particular... I feel like crying but have nothing to cry about and so can't cry... I'm wondering if it is hormonal. Had my cycle stayed on it's proper path than I should have been CD1 today, which would have totally explained the dip in mood last night...

I feel like someone is dying or has died, but that doesn't describe anyone I know.

Bryn is being very demanding today. I'm refusing to put on a DVD, and he is sitting in the chair next to me pleading for food, he's had toast with honey, cheerios, sultanas and apricots and a biscuit. He's had lots of booby, and has been offered water, but doesn't want it... I know he's bored because I'm on the computer, and yet I can't face doing anything else because of this feeling.

I tried distracting myself by organising a gift for a friend, this always makes me feel much better and it did for a few minutes. Then I got distracted when looking at the local gym for costs and creche details (thinking maybe if I got some regulated exercise I'd feel better) and saw the kids holiday program, so thought I'd check that out for the boys (holidays in about three weeks)... Then remembered a friend has sent her kids to the community arts centre last holidays, and they also have a great program, but it's all so expensive, so now I'm anxious about how we could possibly afford to let them do anything...

And there are my studies, which I've also been thinking about this morning. I know what I need to do and I know I'll do it and on time, but why am I not doing it now...

What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this? It's a beautiful day outside!!! I don't get it, I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Last night I sent the boys to bed with no dinner, again... Erik had lied to me on the way home, for fun! Not even to get out of trouble, just to see if I'd fall for the lie, or so it feels.

We have an appointment to get him assessed next Wednesday, but I'm beginning to think they won't find anything and then it'll be, "This is just his personality and a stage and he'll get through it, and you need to stop projecting issues onto him". What if that's the case? What if he's just fine and it's us who have the problem because somehow we just don't know how to parent at all and not getting through to him is our fault because we're not imaginative enough to figure it out?

I really hate that I can't trust him, even when he seems to be being helpful. Last night he told me I could just go to the toilet and he'd get Bryn out of the stroller, but in fact, he was setting things up so that he could nick some cereal out of a box I'd opened on the way home to prove the Bryn that it wasn't Cheerios... Because I'd given Bryn some of the cereal in his hand, Erik had asked for some too, but I'd said no, because he'd just had a snack and we were about to eat dinner, and well, quite frankly I don't want him eating cereal straight out of the box, yes, even though I gave Bryn some cereal. There is a difference between a 2 year old who needs pacifying so we can get home with the least amount of fuss, and an 8 year old who just wants because someone else has had, but can well wait 30 minutes until dinner is served...

Argh! Why am I feeling so crap right now? Things are mostly going my way, I should be feel good... What's wrong? I wish whatever it was would just speak up, so I could deal with it!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

All the beautiful babies...

You know, it's no bloody wonder I'm so very clucky right now! I was thinking just now, as I photoshopped this photos just how BLESSED I am to be sorrounded by so many gorgeous little people to photograph! I had about 12 photos I wanted to post, for sometimes less is more, so here are my fave faves!

Baby L, 5 months.

Baby A's feet, 8 days old.

Baby L.

Baby M, 2 months old.

Baby A - is that a smile???

Baby A.

Baby K, 18 months old.

Monday, August 27, 2007

A word from Lucy Baker today...

I am subscribed to Lucy Baker's email list, and received this this morning and thought it was something I should pass on! I can see myself in a number of those points, so something to work on there!

Having a great sense of self-esteem is necessary if you are truly here ti improve yourself in this life. With a healthy sense of self-esteem we can make the right choices in different aspects of our lives, such as relationships, health and our careers.

Doubt is one factor which leads to low self-esteem which can affect our abilities to succeed in the long run. If you want to know if you or other people close to you have started exhibiting any signs of low self-esteem you should take a careful look for any of the following symptoms:

Apprehension of any changes in life or any new experiences.

Need for perfection in everything and need to appear perfect to everyone they meet. Remember, we are either Control Freaks or Control Freaks in Recovery! Which are you? And how much fun are you to live with???

Always apologetic about everything they do whether it’s really their fault or not.

Talking negatively about themselves. People with low self-esteem are always putting themselves down by making unnecessary and negative statements.

Shows symptoms of addiction. People with low self-esteem tend to get affected by negative addictive behaviour and this addiction may be to substances or harmful habits.

Lack of individuality. People with such behaviouur show a complete lack of self-belief and often choose to follow others blindly instead of seeking their own paths. What passions did you used to have, that have slipped away because you are focused on outside of yourself nowadays? Is it time to redefine yourself and start being selfish in a good way again?

Unhappiness with their current status. Such people are always unhappy with what they have no matter how perfect their lives are. They fail to appreciate what they have with them and are always looking for more.

Put down behavior. People with low self-esteem often criticise others frequently in a bid to look better to people and feel better about whom they are.

People suffering from low self-esteem frequently lack energy to do anything else and find the smallest and simplest of chores inundating.

Over exaggeration of failures and problems in their lives.

Constantly feel hopeless and distraught about issues that they shouldn’t.

Tend to either neglect their appearances a great deal or focus too much on preening themselves constantly.

Never like to own up when they are wrong.

Constantly think about past mistakes instead of focusing on the present.

Always complaining about non-existent physical symptoms.

Find it difficult to resolve simple issues without involving other people.

If you see these signs in yourself or in other people it makes it easier to understand that you suffer from self-esteem. It is then up to you to find ways to help yourself or the other individual get the necessary courage to take care of their lives as well as their feelings.

Remember, Albert Einstein said on the subject of self-esteem that 'anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new'. Helen Keller - who booked herself the most challenging of lives - suggested that low self-esteem keeps us bullied into being a victim and adopting other people's views of the world rather than creating our own, when she said 'never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face!'

And, finally, in the words of Howard Thurman, 'Don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.'

Make this week your rebirth week. God knows, you deserve it.

Taking steps towards my future...

I've had a productive few days...

I'm transitioning really easily to a vegan diet this time around. The weather is REALLY helping, but I'm not going to diss anything that helps! I'm feeling great, and I figure that is the ditching of the high salt/high sugar foods. I'm less dehydrated, and my blood sugar is very obviously much more stable, which is just fantastic! I've just had a new cycle start in recent days and haven't had the huge dip in bloody sugar that I normally experience. I was very tired last night having been out at Rach's blessingway all day, but that's pretty par for the course for me, being an introvert.

As well as this, I ordered my 6 months plan from A-gender. So, that should arrive some time in the next five weeks or so. I order it to start in January, but I'm kind of thinking maybe I should have said February, LOL, because well, I have yet to convince Dave to do this. I believe he will though, so even if January is a good cycle for us, and he's only been on the supplements for 8 weeks, and me too, I think it should be ok.

He was saying yesterday that I should LOA us a big lottery win - he's so funny! I said that 50% of LOA is action, and 50% is the Universe reacting. If we want money we have to put in some effort! I said that I do things in the belief that the Universe will come to the party. And as an example, I told him I'd paid $119 for a six month plan to conceive a girl. Just like I bought the bike buggy for when we've moved closer to the boys' school. I have faith these things will happen, so I act accordingly, in preparation. I mean what would be the use of me waiting to get the six month plan (which takes time to get here) until Dave agreed. What if he agreed in December, and then I was caught short, and would have to wait till the plan got here and until he'd taken the supplements, which would be another three months.

It's all about preparing in faith.

Oh, just as I'm writing this, Bryn comes to me with a Bob the Builder DVD and goes, "B for Bobby!" I'll have to ask Dave is he showed Bryn that, or maybe one of the boys, or maybe Bryn is starting to recognise the Bs in words (which would not be surprising as he's been "reading" ABD, on his DVDs for a while now (all being ABC tv productions, hahaha)...

So, yes, anyway, Spring is nearly here and I'm feeling rather Springy and refreshed and looking forward to the future!

Saturday, August 25, 2007


But first... How beautiful does my cake stand look??? I got my first opportunity to use it yesterday!

And now, what you actually came here to see... All the pics are doubled up in b/w because I couldn't decide which I liked better... He's a gorgeous little bubba, though, cluck, cluck, cluck! My fave photo is the second to last one, what a precious little face!!! I remember Bryn like this! So gorgeous! Archie, that is (but Bryn too, of course...)!

Pregnancy Pics...

Of Jen, finally!

I am SOOOO glad I got these photos when I did! Two days later, little Archie was born, in fact, the labour started the late evening of the day after these were taken...

My faves, are...

This one

This one

This one

This one, this is my all time fave. Jen doesn't like it at all, but it really shows her bubbly personality, and her relatively happy-go-lucky way about her that makes her such a great friend (yeah, yeah, I'm sucking up because I'm posting this pic! But I really do love it for those reasons!)

Cracking a bit of a Mona Lisa smile in this one...

I really like this one, too... Even if it is a bit daggy (that is me making her hold the flower was a bit daggy, not the model herself)...

Align Center
And I really like this one because it shows that phenomenon of "readiness" that happens at the end of pregnancy. When I took this shot, I remarked to Jen that she looked ready to meet her baby, just a little bit over the pregnancy stage (even though she was trying to enjoy every moment of it, because it's likely her family is complete now). Mind you, it might also simply have been that I made this heavily pregnant woman kneel...

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I no! This is NOT fun...

Sorry about the quality of this photo, it was taken with my crappy old Kodak EasyShare, because I still haven't found the time to get the DSLR to the shop, argh! Had to sharpen the photo myself, so that's why it looks grainy and strange...

Anyway, check out what our poor little Buddhi-wa did today. We were at the boys' school, and he was taking a single step down on his own, there was nothing for him to hold onto, but he usually manages just fine, but today he must have been a bit distracted or something and he went down head first!

The Klonk! was so loud that a mum 50 metres away came running because she was sure I was going to need to call and ambulance or something. Luckily, I could offer him booby for comfort or else I think he might have been inconsolable - as it was he was pretty distraught...

Since turning two, Bryn has had another huge language growth. It doesn't feel like he "learning" more new words, so much as he's finally found the confidence to try them out. One phrase he uses a lot is, "This is fun!", other variations are, "That's funny!" and "Erik/Luey/Daddy funny!" - I'm apparently not very funny... Anyway, today I have expected him to come out with, "This is not fun!" Poor little Buddha!

In other news...

Dave and I seem to be getting back on track, relationship wise... It's really amazing was a bit of sex can do, LOL, we're actually being kinder to each other during the day! There is a softness in his voice that I hadn't heard for a while, and he's not complaining as much about life in general! At least it seems that way, I hope I not just seeing what I want to see!

I've caught up on most of studies now, and that's just by not being on the computer for two days! Imagine what I could achieve in weeks of day time computer freeness!

I'm totally hanging out to see Jen's little boy, named Archie, but want to wait till the frey of postbirth visitors dies down a bit. Not wanting to project, but while I REALLY enjoyed having visitors after Bryn's births, I enjoyed the visitors who came when he was 2-3 and more weeks old far more than those who came in the early days when I was still struggling to concentrate on anything but gazing at him, hahaha!

Writing is flowing like blood through my veins atm! Doing a couple of the Writing for Children exercises yesterday really got the juices pumping and it was harder to stop than it was to get started, LOL! Mum is 3000 words into her novel (which is due in about 12 weeks!!! Only 37000 words to go! I'm so excited to get to that stage of this degree! But first I have to complete these units, hahaha!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Bits and pieces...

Today Bryn discovered a clean pair of Luey's undies with The Wiggles on them (some of the boys undies at 5 years old!)...

He instantly took a shine to this beautiful garmet and insisted I help him into it, over his nappy. Now, this should not be mistaken for toilet interest, it isn't! It's merchandising interest for sure. He then refused to put any pants on over the "Widas", and spent the next 30 minutes pointing at his crotch and squealing with glee!

And here are Dave and Luey cooking dinner, just now... Dave has been letting Luey, specifically, help him cook in the kitchen. Luey loves this time they have together! I hope this means, one day, Luey will be able to cook a meal or two for us each week on his own!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

What a wonderful world...

Need I say more...

Jen's little boy is here!

The phone bellows like a cow
The time is finally here
All night life music
Slow paced with tempered breathing
New life struggles forth

A circle of women wait
Candles lit and thoughts flow out
Strength and Peace to her
Who cradles life in her womb
New life struggles forth

Finally, the wait is done
The phone bellows like a cow
The news is all good
Babe entered the world backwards
Another son born!

He was born at 1.30pm, at home, a suprise breech and he weighed a tiny 7lb 6oz - which makes him the smallest of Jen's babes! He was born 4 days before his EDD, and so he is a Leo - which is just fantastic as far as I'm concerned (having a little Leo munchkin of my own!)...

I cannot wait to meet him, there is no doubt he'll be utterly adorable!

While I was sitting around fidgeting, waiting to hear that bubs had arrived, I started the poem above, and wrote the third stanza after we got the sms from Jen :)...

Friday, August 17, 2007

Ooooh, I really like this, might actually have to go out and get it!

It's been a long, looooooong time since I bought any NEW music... But this might be the drop that breaks that drought...

A few changes...

Dave and I had a chat tonight, just a casual chat, nothing too serious, but we're going to make a couple of changes. Some inspired by Leah, some by Clel, some of our own making...

  1. I'm not studying enough and one of my worst vices is the net. I don't actually need the net to study, but I do need my computer, and it seems that I can't go more than an hour without having to check email, or AB or EB, or various other things... So, I've asked Dave to help me out by locking the modem cable in the filing cabinet before he goes to work. I can then plug it back in when he gets home from work to check out my fave online haunts. So, during the day, I'll just have to occupy myself otherwise - either hanging out with Bryn, cleaning or studying...
  2. Dave and I are going to have 1 or 2, and possibly more, but it depends of other stuff, of screen free time. Basically, we'll have a look through the tv guide, figure out when our fave shows are on and then have the tv on those nights (we're fairly sure that won't be more than 4-5 nights a week). The other nights we'll chat, listen to music and so on. One of the nights we can watch a DVD together, but not just flick on the tv or the computer for the sake of it...

The next lot of things are things *I'm* going to do, that I haven't discussed with Dave...

  1. Organise a meal each week night, at least, so Dave feels cared about. Reading Leah's blog the other day about that book she was reading (can't remember the name) that was basically saying that men feel nurtured through food and sex, and thinking how Dave's sex drive is so low, I got to thinking that maybe that is because, in our relationship I've never nurtured him with food. Food has always been something I left up to him, and at first he loved that, but I don't think he enjoys it now at all, but rather feels pressured by it. When I "cook" I make next to no effort at all. Not in food preparation, and not in making a nice place for him to eat in (mostly these days I've commandered the dining table for my laptop and so we eat around the coffee table or on chairs with our plates in our laps... MAYBE if his nurture need for food is met, he'll develop the need for sex (sort of like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, only with "man needs" instead of "humankind needs")

  2. Actually offer to do stuff like rub his feet, which he really loves - again so he feels nurtured.
  3. Be prepared to "just do it", when he does make the move (this came to me tonight when he made a suggestion for a shower together some time soon - didn't quite catch *when* he said that would happen... Of course, wouldn't you know it, he suggests this *just* when I'm suffering with a headache of all things! And I could feel myself getting annoyed, with the "oh, NOW you want it, after all this time, you pick a time when I'm not in the mood and I'm supposed to be grateful" - of course, if I'm not into it, I'm just as likely to put him off, because he's finally making the effort, you know?
  4. Require more of myself wrt my healthy and wellbeing and appearance. I was doing this until three or four months ago, but then I just got a bit miserable about all this other stuff and let things slide - which I'm paying for now. So, on my other blog I'm going to start a plan and just stick with it and make it work because it's to my own benefit but might also help this relationship get off it's crutches already... And it would help if we could both comfortably fit in that shower stall, huh?

A big week!

Whoo hoo, the boy is two!!! No more babies in our house now, I think I could cry!!!

Here's the birthday boy, celebrating having managed to blow out his own candles for the first time!!!

He's wearing one of his presents, a BtB polo shirt, size 2, so it's a bit big still, hahaha...

And here is the BtB doll action figure he got as well...

He also got some Magtasticks, which is kind of a junior version of Magnetics - he thinks these are very cool! Unfortunately for him, so do Erik and Luey, poor kid has to fight to get a look in on his own birthday present! Oddly enough, the age limit on this toy was 3 years and up, depsite it having not small pieces a child could possibly choke on...

And then, serendipitously, his new shoes turned up. They're pedoodles, which I love, and I had to get him two new pairs because his last pair stinks so much because he refuses to wear socks but wears the shoes almost every day. I got the same size as last time, but since then they obviously had a manufacturing overhaul because the rubber on the soles is a bit stiffer, and is emmitting a petroleum smells (so these will be spending a few days on our covered front porch, but also the sizing is BIGGER... By bigger I mean, these bowlers really look like clowns shoes on him... Oh well, he's bound to grow into them sooner or later...
And here are the much anticipate green shoes in the same brand... VERY STYLISH don't you think???

It was a day for packages because I also FINALLY got my Theta book and liquid crystal therapy vile... I paid for these a month ago, and so was beginning to wonder if I'd ever see them, LOL... Anyway, have started on the LC drops (7 each morning and 7 each night)... The blend I have is Pyrite/Petrified wood...

Here is the downlow on Pyrite...

Here is Petrified Wood...

So, funny because when I pulled the LC cards at my reading, and got petrified wood, but pyrite also fell out of the pack similtaneously, I wasn't sure that these cards really made much sense to me. Now they do...

I'll be interested to see how I go on the next couple of weeks take this course of drops... Hopefully, I'll feel calmer and shielded against negative energy...

On another front...

I've decided to look into this stuff...

I've been reading the threa don EB, and well, I've got to say, it does look promising... Have to run it by Dave, am hoping it will help sway him wrt ttcing #4 - because one of his major concerns is that if we had a boy, I'd want #5... I'm going to agree to using a more permament mode of contraception after #4, if he even agrees to #4... Either way, as I believe *I'm* having number four, I'd like to try and bend the odds in my favour...

And finally... Yes, thanks to those who Congratulated me on being in the paper on Tuesday... It was quite thrilling seeing my photo take up so much of a page. and while I'm not supermodel, I was pleased with a photo of *me* with all my flaws that actually managed to flatter me, rather than enhance my cringeworthy bits, hahaha...

Ok, I think that is me all caught up...

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The ultimate procrastination...

Your Brain is Green

Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance.
You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver.
You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).

You Are Rouge Red

Of all the reds, you are the most energetic and vibrant.
You never need to recharge, and in fact, you often recharge others.
Gutsy and brave, you've never let your fears stop you from doing anything.
You figure that life is all about experiences, and you'll always take that leap of faith.

You Are the Ego

You take a balanced approach to your life.
You definitely aren't afraid to act out on your desires - even crazy ones.
But you usually think first. Morals drive you as much as hedonism does.
You've been able to live a life of pleasure... without living a life of excess.

Your Life is Rated PG-13

Your life isn't totally scandalous, but you definitely don't shy away from adult themes!

Your German Name is:

Adele Ilse

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 67%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is High

You are definitely a "people person." You enjoy spending time with others.
You instinctively understand people, and you are both a good counsellor and mediator.
However, there are definitely times when you've had enough. And that's when you cherish being alone.

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Score: 86%

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence is Very High

You've spent a lot of time introspecting, and it's really paid off.
You are comfortable with who you are, and you have a life philosophy that you are happy to live by.
And you're always re-evaluating what you believe. Because you learn something new about yourself each day!

Your Hillbilly Name Is...

Sandra Dee Beaver

Good Job!