Friday, August 17, 2007

A few changes...

Dave and I had a chat tonight, just a casual chat, nothing too serious, but we're going to make a couple of changes. Some inspired by Leah, some by Clel, some of our own making...

  1. I'm not studying enough and one of my worst vices is the net. I don't actually need the net to study, but I do need my computer, and it seems that I can't go more than an hour without having to check email, or AB or EB, or various other things... So, I've asked Dave to help me out by locking the modem cable in the filing cabinet before he goes to work. I can then plug it back in when he gets home from work to check out my fave online haunts. So, during the day, I'll just have to occupy myself otherwise - either hanging out with Bryn, cleaning or studying...
  2. Dave and I are going to have 1 or 2, and possibly more, but it depends of other stuff, of screen free time. Basically, we'll have a look through the tv guide, figure out when our fave shows are on and then have the tv on those nights (we're fairly sure that won't be more than 4-5 nights a week). The other nights we'll chat, listen to music and so on. One of the nights we can watch a DVD together, but not just flick on the tv or the computer for the sake of it...

The next lot of things are things *I'm* going to do, that I haven't discussed with Dave...

  1. Organise a meal each week night, at least, so Dave feels cared about. Reading Leah's blog the other day about that book she was reading (can't remember the name) that was basically saying that men feel nurtured through food and sex, and thinking how Dave's sex drive is so low, I got to thinking that maybe that is because, in our relationship I've never nurtured him with food. Food has always been something I left up to him, and at first he loved that, but I don't think he enjoys it now at all, but rather feels pressured by it. When I "cook" I make next to no effort at all. Not in food preparation, and not in making a nice place for him to eat in (mostly these days I've commandered the dining table for my laptop and so we eat around the coffee table or on chairs with our plates in our laps... MAYBE if his nurture need for food is met, he'll develop the need for sex (sort of like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, only with "man needs" instead of "humankind needs")

  2. Actually offer to do stuff like rub his feet, which he really loves - again so he feels nurtured.
  3. Be prepared to "just do it", when he does make the move (this came to me tonight when he made a suggestion for a shower together some time soon - didn't quite catch *when* he said that would happen... Of course, wouldn't you know it, he suggests this *just* when I'm suffering with a headache of all things! And I could feel myself getting annoyed, with the "oh, NOW you want it, after all this time, you pick a time when I'm not in the mood and I'm supposed to be grateful" - of course, if I'm not into it, I'm just as likely to put him off, because he's finally making the effort, you know?
  4. Require more of myself wrt my healthy and wellbeing and appearance. I was doing this until three or four months ago, but then I just got a bit miserable about all this other stuff and let things slide - which I'm paying for now. So, on my other blog I'm going to start a plan and just stick with it and make it work because it's to my own benefit but might also help this relationship get off it's crutches already... And it would help if we could both comfortably fit in that shower stall, huh?

2 comments:

Leah said...

sounds like a really good plan - the best ones have doable concrete steps hey?

the shower thing sounds very promising too :) i hope you find "romancin'" your man back to the bedroom is highly successful :)

meanwhile, here I am on the pc AGAIN ... i wish I had an internet fridge that only let me read blogs and recipes lol

katef said...

Oh I like your plan... very 'doable'. I am definitely feeling the need to make plans at the moment too.. I wonder if it is a seasonal thing or if we are all just in similar places in life right now?

Teenagers and the failing parent...