Sunday, August 05, 2007

Matriarch or Martyr...

One friend wrote the following in reply to another friend today, and I just liked it so much, and can see how I can apply this to myself, so much, that I wanted to put it up here. I've edited it to remove any personal information, and to make it more generally applicable to different people in different situations, but I definitely see the truth in this and while at times I live according to this way of thinking, I think, if I lived this way more consistently I'd be happier more of the time, LOL...

You know you can only control your actions, not anyone else's. Really resolve on what is important to you and commit to live it regardless of how others act or how you feel - cause sometimes our temporary negative feelings stop us creating action that will go a long way to alleviating them occurring again. You can't let other's action impinge so heavily on your self worth, and the best vaccine against that is sticking to your own standards come hell or high water. It is really freeing to really focus on having no agenda with other relationships but the one with yourself, and holding yourself to what you commit to. The run on is that other relationships become better. To have that as an agenda, though, would totally defeat the purpose.

It's not foolproof, and there's only so much you can focus on at once, but the affect will be that your overall experience of life will improve. Hold yourself to higher levels of maturity and personal accountability, and enjoy successes you'll know you are totally responsbile for.

Matriarch or martyr - which one feels good? All powerful or all losing? The same experiences can often be reframed either way you are trying to create a new way, both involve sacrifice but only one ends up feeling good. A lot is required of both, but I know I'd much rather be my family's matriarch than martyr, and I'm the only one who can do it. And it isn't an instant solution for fixing everything, but instant soloutions just don't exist.

What can you do today that will make you feel empowered? Can you write a "to do" list for tomorrow, people to call - write the phone numbers and what questions you need to ask. Then do some physical stuff like cleaning to really tire yourself out for tonight, and to have something concrete to look on that you achieved for the day? I think small but determined steps forward will do the most to ease the pain of today.

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Good Job!