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Peace, Serenity, Order...

I really need to attract these thing right now... Especially with assignments and the holidays looming. We're supposed to be having a house inspection in the next fortnight as well. This week has been stressful, but the stress of it didn't really hit until Thursday night. I started having panick attacks at that time, and also started coming down with a head cold. Yesterday I somehow managed to hold things together, but today I'm feeling very scattered.

Was going to attempt a clean up of the house which has fallen into ruin in the past few months (much like my body, interestingly enough)... Instead, I'm going to the blessingway of a mum from BaBs. I'm totally not prepared for this today, but really do like this woman and want to support her at this time.

So, as I tried to rush around the house after deciding to go, and tried to clean up, and I was overwhelmed with a feeling of tiredness. Dave felt the same way and so when I called the Skip guy to find out if he would take away our fridge and other junk, Dave offered no resistence (a week ago he was totally against the idea of another skip)...

Every now and then get like this. I feel overwhelmed and I just need to re-establish peace, serenity and order. This is what made Dave so attractive to me. His entire family is about order - not necessarily peace and serenity, but certainly order.

I've definitely corrupted him over the years and he is a lot less ordered than he used to be, but he does say he is much more adept at thinking on his feet than he used to, and says that is as a direct result of being with me and having the kids - he sees it as a good thing, so that's good, too...

So, a skip is arriving on Monday and we can finally get rid of the futon and the boxes that have been taking up space on the enclosed back porch. The fridge in the front foyer will be gone, too. I'm also going to make Dave fix his study, and we're reordering the boys' room, and possibly switching the boys' room and the study over as well in prep. for Bryn moving in there.

We were talking about Bryn's toys in the loungeroom - he really doesn't play with most of them, and Dave was saying we should pack up this and that. Now "pack up" seemed like an acknowledgement of us possibly having another baby, but then he said we should get rid of a couple of other things, and that's more in the vein of "because Bryn is our last"... Don't know what to make of that. But not in the frame of mind to deal with it right now...

Comments

Amanda O. said…
If you find the peace, serenity and order can you send some here??? LOL

I hope the clean-out of the house makes you feel a bit better... I go on binges like that too, where things have just gotten nuts enough it all needs a good sorting out! It seems to me I always feel like I'm chucking out my internal clutter when I do that as much as the "stuff" clutter or maybe it's just giving me a feeling of being able to control something making me feel more able to change my mental momentum!

Hugs and sympathies flowing from this way on the panic attacks. They suck big time, I've had two mini ones (as opposed to full fledged, can't breath, passing out) after not having them for years over finances atm.

Will be crossing fingers for a better response than you've been getting from the teachers with E's principal... geeze, what a lesson to learn for all the kids involved - you can get away with assaulting someone if you just deny it, if you're a victim someone helping may just make things worse and if you try to help you get choked and blamed for the whole thing. :-?

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