Sunday, December 09, 2007

Anger again...

I've encountered a bit of anger again this week. Not directed at me, thankfully. It was misdirected anger.

I think anger is a natural human emotion which serves a very important purpose. All anger is derived from fear, and fear often warns us that something is wrong. Something needs to change. Many people seem to get stuck with the anger phase of implementing change though. Some people are simply not equipped to effect change without anger in place to motivate them because other fears also play part. Fear of not being liked is a big one I've noticed.

When I was a child, I experienced a lot of anger that was based in the fear of not being accepted or liked. My mother could not effect change without anger. An example of this was when Erik was a newborn. Our relationship wasn't great. I didn't let her have him over at her house on her own. When Erik was nearly 6 months old she and s-dad decided, over one weekend, to move interstate because they'd been interstate on a trip and loved it. However, mum couldn't make that move without starting an argument with me and blaming my not letting her have Erik for her move. Her just wanting a change wasn't enough motivation for the move, she had to move out of anger towards me.

So, anyway, I've seen people being "righteously" angry this week, and it's reminded me about the fear-anger dynamic and how anger is like some medicines, good in small doses, just enough to kill of the threat, but poisonous in large doses, or taken over extended periods of time - and quite addictive, too...

Anger frightens people becasue it poses a threat, the threat may be a counterthreat to ward of danger initially, but eventually it's just threatening and just create's more fear, anger and opposition.

I find it very sad when angry people don't get why people react badly to them. It's even sadder when they feed of other people's rejection of them and become more angry, more sure they must be right to be angry, and more difficult to be around. Eventually they become a selffulfilling prophecy, and the pattern of rejection they've experienced before continues.

Love is far more powerful than anger. Just like how a strong wind can be fierce and blow a man's coat off, it can also cause a man to cling to his coat all the harder, while the sun without raging can convince a man to willingly remove his coat of his own volition...

2 comments:

casso said...

Maybe we'd all be less angry if we lived in the country. :o) Oh hang on, they all vote for the Nationals so they're motivated by fear too! Having anger aorund me is always a great reminder about why I try to eschew anger stemming from myself. Frustration is pretty common with me, but it passes so quickly. I can't remember offhand when the last time I was really angry was.

Was this real life anger or virtual anger?

Sif said...

Both :).

My frustration spills over into anger fairly regularly, and it is something I've been working on for a looooong time with only marginal success. I do let go of anger pretty quickly though. So, I tend to have more flashes of anger then prolonged anger, but still...

Teenagers and the failing parent...