Tuesday, January 29, 2008

How will history be documented in the future?

I've been thinking about this for a number of weeks now.

One of my absolute favourite books as a teenage girl was The Diary of Anne Frank, it inspired me to start writing a diary. If you watch almost any historical documentary on SBS or ABC, you'll see references to diary entries and old letters written between people. Last night Dave watched the end of a four part documentary called Warlords about Churchill, Roosevelt, Stalin and Hitler and how they changed the course of the world during WW2 with this various negotiations. The most interesting, insightful parts of the documentary were the thoughts from these men recorded in their correspondence with each other and other people.

So, ok, now we have this wonderful information age where almost anything is available at the fingertips of a person with an internet connection and a modicum of reseatch prowess. It's bloody wonderful, I love it! I certainly wouldn't want to go back to the "dark ages" when you had to traipse down to the library to read information that was probably at least a year old, if not much older, and therefore outdated.

However, with the advent of blogging and emailing, are we burying all possibility of future generations to access our thoughts in the decades to come?

I mean, sure, our thoughts are "on the net" readily accessible to everyone if we want them to be, but for how long? What happens to these blogs, and these emails after 10 years? Or 20 years? What about 100 years from now. Will they still be accessible. Will historians in 100 years time be able to track down the intimate thoughts of the worlds movers and shakers at the end of the 20th century, or the beginnning of the 21st?

Are we in the process of starving history by not putting our words and thoughts on paper that might last 1000 yesrs when computer harddrives have rusted and been corrupted?

I don't like to think about this too deeply, because it's actually a bit unnerving, don't you think?

Monday, January 28, 2008

Coming to the end of the holidays...

And it hasn't been as tough as I expected it would be.

For one thing, getting a new front gate has made a huge difference and I feel really good about the amount of time the boys had just mucking around in the back yard together. This summer has really seen the bond fostered between the three of them. Sure, there has been plenty of fighting, but the anger is always fleeting and they really seem to enjoy each other's company.

I reallly, really do love the feeling of having my own little tribe happening. I can't wait to add another person or two to the mix and see even more of a tribal thing happening between them. It's very cool, and so much more like how I imagined family life than how it was with just the two of them.

I got some really good advice the other day about Erik's issues with stealing. I was told he is a 5 personality, numerologically speaking, and fives tend to be exuberant, impulsive and restless (this so very much describes Erik). As teens, fives are the ultimate risk takers - which made me laugh because Erik is my little base jumper; he jumps and goes, "Wow, check out the view, now how am I going to land on my feet?"

This person told me that seeing as he's been stealing from the age of four, something back then happened that has left an empty space in him, that he is trying to fill by stealing stuff (mostly food items which he eats, rather than hords). When Erik was four was when we were in Bendigo, he turned four two weeks before he witnessed me have a seizure on the living room couch and then saw two men come into the house and cart me away in an ambulance, and I was gone for four days, and he could only visit me very briefly when my mum drove Dave and the boys down to Melbourne for day trips. Erik was still breastfeeding at this stage (as was Luey) and so his main source of comfort was gone during that time, a time that was very stressful for him and caused quite a bit of anxiety for a few months to come.

Soon after we uprooted the family and moved back to Upwey. The first week in the new house was very stressful. We were also dealing with a lot of stresses socially for Erik with a disturbing friendship for him with another boy who was well and truly suffering from a lack of boundaries and acted out a lot. I put a lot of pressure on Erik not to play with this child (for fear of the dangerous stuff they got up to together that also put other children in danger), and that was very stressful for him, too.

As well as this, soon after we moved, I forceably toilet trained Erik by refusing to put nappies on him, so he HAD to go to the toilet. He coped well enough with wees, but because he had a fear of pooing on the toilet, he would only poo at night in his night nappy. The stress of withholding his poos would probably have been awful to him.

Dave and I were not doing so well at that time either. We came VERY close to splitting up. Closer than any of my friends or family ever knew. I can't imagine the boys didn't pick up on that, but Luey was only two, and still co-sleeping and breastfeeding all day, so the impact on him was probably a lot less.

Anyway, so I can see now why Erik might have started stealing. It was a way for him to control something, and to comfort himself (with food). It was really a survival skill that he developed to reassure himself that if he was abandoned again (by me), or if he couldn't access comfort (from me or Dave) for some reason, he could care for him, get his own food, etc...

I was told that until he'd healed that hole, the stealing would continue, and other behaviour would continue to evolve from the anger and disgust we show him when he steals from us.

I was told that whenever I wanted to tell him to just get out of my sight (something I've actually said more times than I care to remember) I should instead hug him. I should turn my rejection into loving. That would fill the hole and the stealing would simply disappear.

That may seem like an overly simplistic solution, but yk, it really resonates with me, and what's more, it's allowed me to have so much more compassion for Erik, which cannot be a bad thing. So, I've started to implement this new behaviour in myself. It's not easy, because of all my children, Erik is the one I have the hardest time being affectionate with. I nearly cried hearing this stuff, it is something that breaks my heart this strained relationship with my firstborn.

Anyway, I've seen some really lovely things in Erik this Summer, especially when he is caring for his brother's and being nice to them. He has also been very helpful around the house when I needed help. He really likes to be part of the grown up work, and doesn't often shy away from housework.

Luey, my little big man. These last couple of days, he's been so emotional. Yesterday and today he's thrown a couple of whopper tantrums - one because his birthday this year is on a Tuesday, a weekday, and he wants it to be on a weekend, and he wants a party at DarkZone, but they don't allow kids under 8 in there, and he'll only be 7... I think he's feeling a little bit tense about starting school again the day after tomorrow. Both Dave and I are going to drop the boys off on Wednesday and I'm going to introduce myself to Luey's teacher (it'll be good to have Dave there as he's already met Mrs D.)... Luey got to do some painting today, while Erik was at his best mate's birthday party (at DarkZone, don't you know), and Luey has such an artistic flair! He is meticulous with his work, too. Because Erik is artistic, Luey has kind of ended up in Erik's shadow, but Luey really has his own talent for painting, and a great eye for colour. Something to encourage there.

Bryn's language skills have really benefitted from having the boys home all summer. Today I heard him singing along to the theme tune for Bob the Builder, and he actually had about 90% of the words. I swear, before the holidays he only had about 10% of the words. All day long now, he chatters away in complete sentences and it's really just happened in a big way in the past two weeks I think. I'm very nervous about sending him to daycare even for just three hours a week, from next Tuesday onwards. I'm not a fan of daycare at all and honestly if Jayne wasn't going to be working there and her daughter attending for those three hours, I simply wouldn't do it. I'm hoping that already having people he knows well there will make the difference. It is much more like being part of the village because he'll already know one adult really well - Jayne is really like part of our family, like an aunty to him... Well, anyway, that's how I'm asuaging my guilt over it. That and the fact that I really do feel a need to be involved in the boys classrooms and this will afford me that opportunity.

So, anyway, I can't believe the holidays are almost over. Tomorrow I'm going to cut the boys' hair. They have their new school shoes. They need new pants for winter and new sun hats, but that'll have to wait until next week...

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Catch up photos....

Ok, some of you have seen this first pic, but I couldn't resist posting it again, because he is just sooooo adorable in his floral flairs. I LOVE these pants!!! How groovy is my little dude???

Taken yesterday of my three scalliwags having built their latest cubby house (it changes every day, yesterday I think they were going for the windswept look)... Bryn is just loveing mucking around with them outside!

This is from my dad's surprise visit at the end of December. I can't get over how little he seems to change over the years, his beard just seems to get whiter, that's all...

I had to smart sharpen this next pic. All my Christmas pics are a bit dodgy, I must just have been off my game that day... Anyway, Christmas Eve dinner 2007 (note the empty chair at the end of the table which will be allocated next Christmas, even if said family member might not be big enough to sit in it!

Erik perusing his Mars Mission Lego assembly catologue, apparently plotting to assemble the beast without our assistance early Box Day morning. The catologue is quite complex, it has no words, but I had to think hard to see the logic in how all those tiny lego pieces fit together to make the various moving parts of the machine, and yet this 8 year old boy read the catologue like a "My First Alphabet" book!!!

And here are the finsihed products that he whipped together in a couple of hours while mum and dad were still in bed!

Bryn really loved his Wendy and Roley duplo set... Can you tell?

Having donned one of his other presents (a Bob the Builder tshirt), he set about putting Wendy to work flattening out a road or two...

Luey got right stuck into drawing with his new felt tip pens and drawing book. He's already filled that book with drawings, and is steadfastly filling a second book...

Less than two weeks left of the school holidays and what's even more scarey is that by the time the boys are starting back at school, I might already be pregnant with our newest family member!!!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

"And the Candle?"

Mum told me a family story I hadn't heard before yesterday... She'd just received the above cartoon from my Uncle Joi (John, to you), that he'd somehow managed to source from the net. This panel was published in Iceland's nations newspaper on February 17th (I think), 1969. It depicts my grandfather (though isn't a likeness of him) and my grandmother and their six youngest kids (so not my mum)... The theatre mask (with a clown expression), hanging off the boats end (stern?, don't know, doesn't matter) is the "tell" that it's about my grandfather in particular as he was a renowned actor and makeup artist in Icelands national theatre at the time...

Why was this cartoon in the paper? Well, because my grandfather had decided to emigrate to Australia with his wife, six youngest kids, and his mother due to a lack of employment opportunities for himself. He had to support his family somehow.

HOWEVER, the Icelandic nation (at the time only 170 000 people strong) were NOT happy! In fact, they got my grandfather on tv and interviewed (or rather interrogated) him about WHY he would even consider removing his POOR children into the UNKNOWN like that. Why was he removing SIX members of the Icelandic nation from their birthplace??? LOL...

The icing on the cake is that someone decided to call in the Icelandic equivalent of DOCS to investigate the matter, eventually it was deemed there was no case to answer.

Why did they pick on my grandfather (he certainly wasn't the only man moving his family overseas, there were a number of other families moving to Canada and Australia at the time)? Well, because he was well known; our family was well known...

As it turned out the trip was postponed till later in the year, and then my mum went with them (so a whole TEN Icelanders emigrated), but by the beginning of 1972, my great grandmother was extremely homesick and wanted to go back home to Iceland and as she was the matriarch, that meant everyone else went back too, except my mum, who was married and had me (only just) by then.

So, our family went on to increase Icelandic nation population by a further 18 members (including my brother and I because we both have dual nationality)...

Another lovely story mum told me that I hadn't been aware of is that every Christmas Eve (when my family celebrates Christmas), after the church bells ring, heralding the start of Christmas at 5pm, after everyone has wished one another a Merry Christmas, my uncle always goes to a little shelf in his study where he has two photos, and lights a candle. The photos are of my brother and I... Awwww, I nearly cried hearing that! And if even a few seconds go by without him going to his study after wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, his son will say to him, "And the candle?", because it's such a well known part of their Christmas ritual!

Family is very important...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Feeling hormonal...

i was going to say I was feeling down, but truth be told, I'm 100% sure this is just hormones messing with me right now. I don't think I'll be exercising today. It's 41 degrees outside and even with the aircon on, the house is not feeling particularly cool. After being outside for the past two days, the boys are railing at having to be inside. I'm sick to death of this diet already, and really want to cheat on it, but I know that is simply because I'm premenstrual and this is fairly normal for me.

I think all the dairy is messing with me a bit though because I've been so moody and crampy and bloated and just generally pmsy for about three days now, and despite a touch of spotting yesterday, I have nothing to show for it... That's not really that surprising mind you, I'm only CD11 today, so at a minimum tomorrow should be the last day of this cycle, with AF showing up on Saturday, or else, Sunday or Monday. Right now though I'm hoping it's earlier rather than later, for the sake of my mood. For the sake of timing Monday would be better though...

If my low, low feeling is any indicator though, it'll be tomorrow or Saturday...

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Summer Days...

It's a gorgeous 30 degree day out there today, and just like yesterday, the boys have been outside all day long. Our front and back yards are not seperated and we have a huge high fence and since Christmas Eve a sturdy lockable from gate, so it's safe for Bryn to just be out there running amok with them. As well as this, both the front and back yards have fantastic shade trees, so it's not too hot even on a 30 degree day.

I feel like this is the first summer since we moved here that the boys can really use the yard properly, in previous years I couldn't trust the old gate not to just blow open, or come open under a little boyish pressure...

Bryn is totally adoring the big days playing with his brothers in the yard. Last night he went to bed at 7pm, woke briefly for a drink of water at 10.30pm, and then finally came into bed with us at 6.40am this morning, that's the longest he's slept in forever I think, and all of it in his own bed. LOL, so we've found out just how much energy Bryn has, rofl. He seriously needs to run around for 8 hours straight each day, roflmao!

Erik and Luey have loved having him play with them too, and they've shown an ability to watch out for him and meet his needs. Erik is kind of bossy, might go with the triple territory of being the eldest, being my son, and being Dave's son... But Luey and Bryn seem aware of just how to ignore him when they want to, rofl.

The boys have built a cubby out of a climbing frame Erik got for his second birthday, the toddler gates Kate Y sold me the year before last, their portable basket ball hoop, and various falled branches from the trees in the garden. They've riding a variety of bike, trikes, ride on, rollerblades and skateboards as well... Erik is main ring leader, and Luey and Bryn are his mostly willing minions...

It's times like this when I think another boy would be fine, LOL (totally forgetting my own need for someone a little more like me in the house, rofl)

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Feeling lost in the parenting world...

I'm at my wits end this morning, and have absolutely no idea what to do next.

Last night I discovered that Luey had punched holes in the lid of a milo tin when he could prize it open, to get at the milo.

This morning, I woke up to Erik having eaten two icypoles, and having made himself a milo as well.

I'm sure quite a few of you are wondering what the hell my dispair is about, LOL. It's just food. I know this, I'm not completely insane (though I feel like I'm bordering on it). This morning I've seriously considered just letting the boys have free reign on the food in the house. Just let them eat whatever they want, whenever they want. Not try to control it at all.

The very thought of that stirs deep fear in my stomach. As it is they, Erik especially, but recently Luey has broken his personal vow of abstainence as well - probably because he feels like he's missing out - steal food every single day. Not because we don't share what we have with them, or they don't get enough food, just because we set a limit on the amount they can have.

We set these limits because we CAN'T AFFORD for them to eat as much as they like. We simply can't afford to keep buying more. If they finish the food, and we simply refuse to buy more, it literally means that Dave, Bryn and I go without. To put this into perspective, there have been weeks when I haven't had food all day because Erik finished off food from my alotted foods (because I'm on this girl diet), and there is nothing else for me to eat. It actually makes me cry in dispair just to write this because I don't know what else I can do.

There have been times when we no money in the house at all and Dave had to borrow from petty cash at work because Erik ate the last of everything there was. And now Luey is doing it too.

We spend a considerable amount of our money on foods specifically for them, that Dave, Bryn and I don't eat. Their school lunches contain things none of the rest of us eat, like sultanas, fruit yogurt, biscuits, apples. We buy them things like icypoles as treats. Not a week goes by without them having some form of lollies and takeaway, just because they ask for it. They're not deprived.

I just really don't know what to do.

I've been reading so many different strategies this morning, but they seem to universally deal with toddlers. I totally understand the inability to think outside yourself that toddlers have, but these boys are 8.5 and 6.5, distraction doesn't work. They get up before us in the morning. There is no such thing as putting stuff out of their reach.

I've even considered locking the food up, getting a padlock for the fridge. I'm not going to do that though, because that is just not the sort of parent I want to be. So, then my only option is to accept that my children will eat whatever they want whenever they want and not give a fuck about anyone else in this house.

Friday, January 04, 2008

A couple of tales from Bryn...

Well, the boys have been on holidays for three weeks now, and with the excitement of Christmas all over, we're settling in to a bit of normalcy - I think. Dave is back at work at least three days a week (a colleague really wants him there full time to help her out, but we have other plans, LOL)...

So, yesterday the boys were basically just mucking around at home, doing at lot of loud scampering around the house. The big boys went outside to play for a bit which was nice, too - they get a bit cabin feverish if inside for too long - and luckily the little turd boy next door, left them alone (touch wood THAT continues, this boy thinks it a fun to try and pee on the boys these days...).

So, anyway, Bryn can't really go out with them unless I'm there, the last time we tried it without adult passive supervision, he fell headlong into a lovely CACTUS we have growing up the side of our house (apparently the owner's *clever* idea for deterring burgulars, hmmmmmm)...

So, they were inside play with Bryn and they taught him the game, "What's the time Mr Wolf", and he TOTALLY got how it worked, so he was the wolf some of the time, and they ask him, "What's the time Mr Wolf" and he'd reply, "10 o'clock!" (it was ALWAYS ten o'clock, btw), and they'd take 10 steps towards him, until they were within reaching distance, and then when they asked, "What's the time Mr Wolf", he'd yell, "Lunchtime!" and take of after them squealing!!!

I was pissing myself laughing from the other room, it was just so cute. I was impressed at how he'd grasped the rules of the game immediately and could play by those rules, pretty clever for a 2 1/3 year old, I think!

Bryn is LOVING being one of "The Boys" and he shadows his brothers relentlessly. Just before Luey came into the study (where I'm relegated in order to get my net fix), and Bryn was fast on his heels, and Luey goes, "Mum?" and Bryn copies, "Mum?" and I say, "What?" and then the conversation proceeds;

L: Can I have an icypole
B: Can I have an icypole
Me: Not right now, this afternoon when it really heats up.
L: Aw!
B: Aw!
L: That's not FAIR!
B: That's not FAIR!

Pmsl! So now Bryn is affectionaly known as "little shadow"...

Thursday, January 03, 2008

The kindness of the Universe...

Ok, so I've had a little gripe recently about being sans modem, and then being sans laptop, and then yesterday I was told that if the problem with my computer is not hardware, or if it is hardware but of the maintainence sort (like too much dust build up in the fans), it'll cost me $98 per hour to have the computer fixed. Not only that but if I ask them to estimate how long/how much the repair will cost and then I opt NOT to have them repair it, it'll STILL cost me a flat fee of $98 (just for the quote)...

Well, hmmm, I would rather spend that money on a set top box for our antiquate television, and some funky new season stretchy stripeys from BONDS for Bryn (saw the colours yesterday and they are DIVINE, not like the gross turquoise and red and brown from last Winter)....

But, I'm constantly being reminded (literally everywhere I turn) to look for the silver lining to remain positive so as to attract like.

Well, today the Universe has shown me a couple of kindnesses and I just wanted to recongise them here.

First of all, in their romping around the house, and getting into stuff they shouldn't be getting into, the boys - specifically Erik - managed to locate my now long lost travel pass! I lost this almost a month ago, and have had to *shock, horror* PAY for public transport LIKE A COMMONER... Yesterday, I FINALLY made the decision to get off my arse and go into the city and apply for a new card, which was going to involve a lot of jumping through hoops... And VOILA! today the boys find the pass! THANK YOU Universe!!!

And now for something even better...

For the past 11 years of our relationship, I've been trying to teach Dave how to look for the positive, even in the most negative of situations, and how to ask for what he WANTS rather than state what he doesn't want!!! Oddly enough, it was my ability to ask for what I wanted instead of stating everything I didn't want, that cause Dave to be attracted to me in the first place... With his other partners, he always felt like he was trying to guess what they wanted (and mostly guessing wrong, and ending up heaped in their resentment of his inability to READ them)... So, I was the opposite to that (hahaha, a real lesson for him in "beware of what you wish for")...

Anyway, so he's wanting a new job, and for quite some time now, I've asked him, "What kind of job do you want, what specifically do you want from your new job" and telling him that he needs to "put it out there" what he wants. Instead, he steadfastly focused on what he DIDN'T want...

So, today he goes to work, like every other day... There he and a colleague getting chatting (instead of working, can I add, hahaha), and basically spend the entire work day chatting about what they want out of life, etc. This guy thinks a lot like me, Dave has mentioned a few times that this guy has told him the same dietary stuff I've told him, and even gone further into alkalinity/acidity and so on that I have. Turns out this guy also believes that to get ahead in life you have to focus on what you want, not what you don't want (how very LoA of him), and he even has a computer mindmapping program that helps him do this!

So, now that someone objective has gone through this with Dave, he suddenly GETS IT, rofl! He acknowledged without prompting that is pretty much the same stuff I've been saying to him all along, but added that it sounded somehow more acceptible coming from someone who didn't have a vested interest in telling him this stuff.

I don't care, as long as he gets it...

He even mentioned cleaning the study!!! I'm gobsmacked!

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Welcome to the FANTASTIC New Year of 2008

Well, I'm truly BOUYANT today, and here's why...

I did my usual end of year ritual, wrote in my annual metaphysics workbook about the coming year and my wishes for that year, asking the Gods and Spirits for guidance and wisdom and so on. At the end of the ritual, I did what I call a response reading, just to see what the Universe thought of my dreams for the coming year. I used my Messages from Your Angels deck because that was the first one that came to hand in the dark of my room.

I usually shuffle and draw one card, if any cards fall from the deck while I'm shuffling, I read those first, as I view them as the Universe bringing my attention to something important. Mostly cards don't fall from the deck, though.

Last night a card did fall from the deck, so without looking at it I put it aside, kept shuffling till it felt right to draw a card, divided the deck in half and drew from the top of the bottom half of cards.

When I looked at the cards, I had never drawn either card before. As I haven't ever really spent time perusing any of my decks, I hadn't seen these cards before because I'd never drawn them before.

The card that fell from the deck - the Universe drawn card - was the Omega card. On this card it says;

Victory! Your desire is coming to fruition, keep up the good work!

In the little booklet that comes with the cards it says;

Congratulations! You have chosen to follow your divine guidance, and the Universe is flowing in a natural rhythm with your decision. When you listen to the messages that your heart whispers, you swim in natural synchronicity with the tide of your life's purpose. Stay relaxed and confident, and keep moving forward with happiness and grace.

If, along the way, you notice problems occuring, then it's time to stop and center yourself. When problems occur, it simply means that you're out of sync with the Universe's rhythms. There is no need for analysis or shame when this occurs. Simply pray or meditate, breathe deeply, and wait until you feel strongly about your next move. Your victory is inevitable in this situation, so you needn't worry that temporary problems will thwart your desire. Whatever happens is supposed to happen, and when it happens is the correct time. Release your doubts to Heaven, and rest assured that a happy outcome is yours.

W O W !!!

So, then the card I personally drew was the Crystal card. On the card it said:

Have faith and hope, because there is something positive and new on the horizon that you can't yet see.

In the booklet it said:

The seeds that you have planted are beginning to see results. You may not even be aware of these results, however, since they are in their infancy. Now, it is more important than ever to stay positive, and to hold a clear vision of your desire and intention. Avoid sceptics and those with negative mind-sets.

Daily action - even if it only consists of baby steps - toward the fruition of your dream is essential. A phonecall, or letter, or reading relevant material will keep the energy of your manifestation at a high level. Every day, positively affirm that you have already achieved or exceeded your dream. And most important, as for angelic assistance every step of the way.

Like Whoa man!!! Could i possibly even get a better New Years response? OMG! I was so excited, I nearly fell off my chair! It's like assurance and a life lesson all wrapped up into one!

Bring on 2008!!!

Good Job!