Thursday, February 28, 2008

Random Smiles...

Things that have made me smile this last week...

Bryn has really gotten into playing with the wooden Thomas set, and actually setting up little tracks and making up stories about the trains...

Bryn has been spending a lot of time "nekkid", while I try to get him to understand what wee is, and where it should go - it's not sinking in by the way, but he doesn't mind being nappy free... So, anyway, one afternoon he wanted to go outside and play, and I said to him, "Oh, you can't go out with clothes on, you'll get burned. You have to get dressed first..." So, off he trotted and came back wearing his Bob the Builder hat, and a pair of Erik's shoes, all set to go outside to play...

Erik hardly ever takes a nap these days, so have both him and Bryn napping at the same time was an amazing photo-opportunity that could not be missed. Bryn had actually been asleep in his bed, but woke up, and I brought him out to the couch to wait while I made him a sandwich, and when I came back with the sanger, this is what I saw...

Bryn's first ever "big boy bath"!!! He had a couple of baths when he was a baby, but he really didn't like the big expanse of the bath on his own, and the other two were just too excitable and splashy in the bath for me to risk him going in with one of this, until this week. He and Luey had a ball! Luey loved showing Bryn the ropes!

Friday, February 22, 2008


Well, it's not a secret I had my wallet stolen out of my bag (which was hanging off Bryn's stroller) in the middle of Safeway today. Besides losing all my ID and bank cards and concession cards etc. I also had $800 in that wallet. It was payday, and as per usual I'd taken out the daily limit of my account - because I like to avoid withdrawal fees by only make keeping withdrawals under 6 per fortnight.

Anyway, I've told all and sundry about this terrible thing that happened today. This thing that left me feeling somewhat violated but also really upset because we're struggling financially atm...

I received lots of sympathy and well wishes and I know that a number of people were prepared to chip in to make sure my family had food, at least, this week, for which I'm extrememly grateful.

Something else though.

I've had quite a few people wish a good "come uppance" on the thief. I don't know why this has struck me as odd or even maybe a little offensive, but it has. I know I used to think that way as well. I dunno, I've come to think differently. I believe that for someone to do something like that to someone else, they must ALREADY be suffering, and having them suffer more will only ensure they lack of compassion for another person, it won't heal them and cause them to think twice before repeating the act in future.

The other thing is, I guess people who do treat other people poorly attract the same treatment in return, so wishing it on them is kind of redundant, and possibly even dangerous - because by wishing ill on others aren't we opening ourselves up to being treated the way we'd like to see others treated?

I dunno...

Something else was kind of comforting me today. What if the person who stole my wallet was truly desperate? What if, ordinarily, that person was a kind and thoughtful and honest person, but something completely life-altering has caused this behaviour. What if this person lost their job before Christmas, and couldn't give their kids anything in the way of a celebration, and was their child's birthday was coming up and they knew it would be another big disappointment for the 8 year old, and they'd been desperately trying to get a job but with no fixed address (because they fell behind on their rent and were evicted and are now living at different friends places from time to time) they couldn't get a job... What if that person would NEVER normally do something like this, but they just saw my wallet there, and in a moment of irrational desperation grabbed it.

What if, upon finding the money in the their, they treated their family to a dinner out and it brought some happiness to a family that has been miserable for the past few months, or they bought their 8 year old a bike for their birthday...

Could I really wish something horrible on that person?

I'm rambling and the truth is, the wallet was probably stolen by one of the many drug and/or alcohol addicted people in our area... But again, how did they come to be drug and alcohol addicted, and what kind of life do they have?

How lucky am I to have my family and our home, and to be able to go and have a cuppa in front of the tv. How lucky am I that Dave's parents can let us have the money we lost today, so we won't be evicted from our house for not paying the rent.

I lucky enough that I can't afford to wish something bad on a person I know nothing about...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Does anyone feel like pitching me a story line???

I'm deadly serious!

It can be ANYTHING, as long as it's for adult (not children, but I don't mean ADULT as in R rated or anything)...

C'mon people, I need an idea!!! I'm going nuts here! I'll buy you a coffee, or a vino, or whatever takes your fancy if you give me an idea that springboards into a story!

Oh, and I need an idea today!

So, how about it!

What would you want to read about if you were looking for a novel in a bookshop???

Monday, February 18, 2008

Two down, two to go...

Ok, I've spent all morning finishing off those editing assignments, and am about to go mail them (express mail) on the way to pick the boys up from school.

Now I need to write a proposal for my thesis novel, as well as a cover letter to a publisher who would be most likely to publish my kind of story. I really need to get to the library and get hold of a Writer's marketing manual (or whatever it's called, they're publish bi-annually). I also need to rewrite and polish my short story and submit it with cover letter to three appropriate publishers.

These last two assignments don't intimidate me as much as the editing assignments did - maybe they should, maybe I'm being naive, rofl!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

editnig Editing...

Been working my way up to doing my editing assignments. What a wake up call on so many levels! I now understand why this is the last unit students do before embarking on their thesis... Obviously, it is meant to help the writer improve their own writing by being able to rework drafts, but I think there is a second, more subtle, reason for this unit...


Argh, the very first assignment was to write a 2000 word short story draft with absolutely no edits. After submitting that, the student is then given another students 2000 word short story to editing for structure and copy. Then the student must edit their own, previously submitted, piece. Now that I've read what I'm supposed to be editing this other person's short story for, I've realized the story I wrote was just AWFUL!!! Far too much narrative, a slow, clunky start, it's more like the first chapter of a novel, and not even a good first chapter at that.

Meanwhile, I was totally intimidated by having to edit someone else's piece. Especially after finding out the other person was some kind of editing whiz kid (so obviously her piece wouldn't need any editing).

Have just finished reading the short story, and it definitely needs some structural editing and yes, even some copy editing. So, it seems even writers with accomplished editing skills can benefit from a fresh set of eyes.

God help me, I need to do these two edits by tomorrow night!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Ye Olde "To Do" List...

Yes, I KNOW how much you guys love to read my to do lists, rofl!!! It's inspiring reading, isn't it?
Well, my house is falling apart, and I've been saying for weeks that I need to sort it out and basically I've been putting it off!

Well, today Erik is home from school because of the stop work meeing, but Luey had to go because his teacher isn't attending, so I've decided to make use of having Erik here, and have bribed him with pocket money to help me today...

So, today's list is:

Clean the

  1. Kitchen,
  2. Lounge,
  3. Hall,
  4. My room,
  5. Boys room,
  6. Bathroom,
  7. Laundry,
  8. and Toilet.
Update: Well, as you can see, I actually finished the to do list (wow, has that ever happened before???). Erik single-handedly cleaned the boys room and did a really good job (and it was a really big mess, too, Dave and I had been avoiding it for a week). For that he earned $5, which he promptly spent on Pokémon, lol! Luey tried to pretend he was sick this morning so he could stay home and do something to earn some money, god love him!

So, now I really have no excuses for not doing any work, and yet, here I sit procrastinating!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

"I couldn't survive if I couldn't drive"

Well, paint me blue and call me Smurfette! I've just read one of the more discouraging threads on a parenting forum, that I've read in a little while.

The question the thread posed was whether people felt they could survive without their car. The VAST majority of respondents felt they absolutely could not because the shopping centre was a 40 minute walk away, or work was an hour away, and there wasn't any local public transport or it was very good.

It seems not to have occurred to these people that in the event of not being able to drive places, they would need to MAKE CHANGES in their lives. They couldn't just lay down and die in poverty (because presumably they'd get fired for not going to work, and couldn't possibly get another job), and starvation (because the only way to do shopping is all at once, and to carry the bags home in your hands, so obviously no shopping would happen)...

Is this what our modern Western society has come to?

Are we so spoilt for choice, that if our choices were narrowed, we'd simply have to lay down and die?

One bright responded replied that if they lost their car, they'd simply ask mummy and daddy for a loan for a new car. But hmmmm, what if the reason you couldn't drive wasn't for the lack of a car, but for the lack of vision? Or the lack of petrol (or have we all forgotten the current oil crisis?). Well, maybe mummy and daddy could loan you some sight, or some petrol too?

I don't know, I find it frustrating that in this so-called modern, intelligent society, we have so much lost touch with our human ingenuity and ability to adapt.

It's pathetically sad and reeks of over-indulgence and that thing I just loathe so much - a great sense of entitlement... Being able to drive is a LUXURY people, not a necessity...

Saturday, February 09, 2008

It had to happen... Anti-climax.

Well, I was very excited for about 24 hours, as well as shocked and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know a lot of people have said it happened so quickly and I was so lucky, and that is very true to a degree.

I was really hoping to get pregnant straight away, but thought perhaps that was asking too much. It had taken one cycle to conceive Erik, but two to conceive Luey and three to conceive Bryn, and so - with me being older and all - I was half expecting it to take four cycles to happen this time, and if not by then, then not at all.

I guess from outside, it looks like I just decided to get pregnant in January and then it happened, but it wasn't like that at all. I decided I wanted another baby shortly after Bryn was born when I had a dream about a wise woman reading my spine - yes, that was a bit strange. She read my spine and told me I had five children. I said I only had three, but had lost two, so maybe that was what she was seeing. She said that wasn't it, she saw five children for me. A few days later I had this kind of vision, or daydream (except I wasn't controlling it in a fantasising kind of way, it just came to me) of twins girls in party dress, with dark curly hair like Dave's, whispering and giggling amongst themselves and looking at me. That image has stayed with me for the past 2 years.

Around that time, I decided I really needed to lose some weight. In the back of my mind I was thinking that if I wanted to get pregnant again I needed to be a bit fitter because I'd had to lose 6kg before conceiving Bryn, and I knew if I didn't do something about my weight then conceiving the next one would be harder and take longer. All that time, I was trying to come to terms with stopping at three children, because I knew how dead-set again having anymore kids, Dave was.

By Bryn's first birthday (18 months ago), I couldn't deny my longing for another baby though. And that's when the hard work really started. Dave and I hadn't been intimate for nearly 2 years by then, and I knew that part of that had to do with Dave just not wanting to risk me getting pregnant again. So, first I had to get him to at least work on our relationship with me. That took nine months in itself.

Part of that included agreeing to send the boys to school (after Erik asked to go), when everything in me said not to let him go. That was a HUGE struggle with me, and many times I thought it was the worst decision I'd made. Letting the boys go to school meant showing Dave that I could handle another pregnancy and baby because some of the stress would be taken off me by the boys being in school for the part of every week day 8.5 months of the year. It also meant that Dave could work full time if he needed to.

I also made moves to get on with my life as if I wasn't solely focused on having another baby, so I enrolled in the Masters of Writing that I'm doing now.

In August last year, Dave said an absolute, "No!" to any more, and mostly based that decision on the fact that we might have another boy and then I'd want another baby again. So, I started to look around for ways to sway the odds in our favour and came across A-gender. I ordered a plan, despite Dave having said no, and told him I'd ordered a plan so we could have a look at what it was all about. The plan arrived one week into October, and we discussed it. Dave was still not enthused about the idea of a fourth child, but said he'd think about it. I waitied three very tense week for him to come back with an answer (he had till the end of October, because by then he needed to start his supplement drink). He finally said yes, but said he was only doing this as a leap of faith with me because he knew how important it was to me.

So, he started the drinks and I tested his and my own pH levels and then a month later I started the drinks and my girl diet (which consisted of nearly 1 litre of milk a day - with milo in the last three weeks), 200 grs of yogurt, 4 corn thins with unsalted peanut butter or honey, 12 almonds per day, an apple, and then 120g of white meat and a couple of cups of a combination of potatos, cauliflower, onion, string beans or asparagus - and NOTHING else). Dave was very conscientious and really did everything I asked of him without any complaining and I'm incredibly grateful to him for that - I just don't know that I could have been so generous if the roles were reversed.

In November I had to make an appointment to convince a GP to prescribe me some Primulot to help move my cycle so it aligned with my girl time in January. Re-aligning my cycle was a very stressful experience, so much had to be worked out, and it's never a guaranteed thing; many women have had this fail for them. If I couldn't align, I wouldn't be able to attempt because our best chance of conceiving a girl would be in girl time. I was very lucky and it did work - just - quite literally I scraped in, and that required some other manipulating that I'm not comfortable talking about here.

Anyway, so I got my period and notified the woman doing my attempt plan, and she sent me the intricate plan, which included 8 "dates". It wasn't just a matter of making love though. I had to use up to three douches at any one time, and twice we had to use the turkey baster method which involved collecting sperm, adding a substance to it to get it to right level of acidity (which I had to measure) and then depositing it near the cervix. I'm pretty sure I made the mix too acidic both those times, and probably killed all the sperm. three of our "dates" were outside the time span in which sperm can survive to inseminate an egg. Another two "dates" were protected, so no sperm was deposited. So, essentially, there was only one date from which we most likely did get pregnant.

The whole process was not relaxed, and this pregnancy most certainly didn't "just happen" for me/us. It involved two years of planning, and six months of intense emotional and psychological focus.

So, right now, four days out from getting my long awaited second line, I'm feeling a bit anti-climatic about it all. I appreciate that for other people it seems to have happened really quickly, but for me, this took forever and it drained me of a lot of energy emotionally. I don't really know how I would have coped if, for example, we didn't get our bfp this attempt or in our February attempt and we had to wait until June to try again (because June was out next girl time)...

I think I got pregnant because I lost 12kg from my previous conception weight. I was taking a very high dose of folate (10g), I was exercising, I gave up caffeine completely, we (potentially) deposited live sperm near the cervix three time within the five days leading up to ovulation, I surrounded myself with fertility crystals (fertility energy), I meditated and visualised my baby every day for a solid six month, including visualizing the entire conception (egg meets sperm, egg travels to uterus and implants) scenario.

I put every ounce of energy I had into this for the past six months, and about 70% of my energy for the 18 months before that...

So, right now, I really need to get my life back, but my brain and emotions aren't co-operating, maybe next week...

Thursday, February 07, 2008

The physical evidence!

The top one is from Tuesday and the bottom one is from just 20 minutes ago (and even now it's darker than that, but I took that photo at ten minutes). So now you can see why I wasn't keen to put up a pic of my POAS from Tuesday, it was a "barely there" line, but thankfully it's getting darker, and as it gets darker I'm feeling more and more pregnant too!

I started feeling bits of queazy about 4 days ago, but today it stuck around for nearly the entire day, barring when I ate - this is, by far, the earliest it's ever started. Also, felt "dragging myself around" tired this afternoon - I really need to stay in bed in the morning till at least 7.30 (instead of getting up at 6.15am) and get to bed before 11pm...

Also, am also having bouts of reflux, but that might be due to the sudden introduction of wheat back into my diet...

Ok, I'll stop boring you guys with my pg talk now...

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Never having been good at keeping secrets...

I guess I'd better blog that today I did a hpt and got a very feint second line...

Was that too low key???

Well, how about