Saturday, March 01, 2008

Broaching the subject of homebirth...

After a lot of umming and aahing a bit on how to talk to Dave about my decision to homebirth this time, I finally started the conversation this morning...

Well, sort of...

That is, I indicated that I wanted to have a conversation with him about something that he might not like, with regards to the birth, but something that was going to happen. I think he probably has a pretty good idea already what that something is. He asked if we had to have the conversation right at that moment (in the middle of morning chaos with the boys and with him going out on an VERY RARE outings with a few mates), and I said absolutely not (I'd rather not have the conversation at all, just get on with it, yk)... So, he said we could put it on the back burner for now.

And that was that...

A little while later he came back with this following story of a woman who gave birth on an Indian train toilet - it's scary, but it ends well!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080228/od_nm/india_toilet_dc

So, now I'm thinking, maybe he's going to be ok with this, hahaha! Or maybe that is just wishful thinking on my part.

I wasn't even going to talk with Dave about this until about 20 weeks, but a number of things have convinced me that sooner would be better than later.

  1. My midwife doesn't seem comfortable with calling this a homebirth yet, as Dh isn't on board, so she keeps reitterating that this doesn't need to be considered a homebirth until the moment I decide not to go to the hospital while in labour. I'm sure she is thinking this way, so that we are not in the process of deceiving Dh, and obviously I don't want to deceive him anyway. The thing is, for me, I just need this to BE a homebirth, like from the get go. I don't want this to be a shared care birth with a midwife until I have to make the decision, in labour, to stay home. I want EVERYONE to go into this labour knowing what my goal is, and being clear on that, and supporting that.
  2. Having called Birralee to do a booking in, with the view of having shared care, at least until Dave was on board, and then having to talk with an answering machine and be told they'd get back to me, "in a day or two" and then having them NOT do that... Well, it's kind of made me wonder why I'm bothering, seeing as I don't want to deal with them anyway... It's not that I hate them, they've served me well in the past, it's just like it seems like a waste of my energy to chase them up, when I'd rather just spend time enjoying my pregnancy and planning my homebirth
  3. I don't want to live with the "back of the mind" worry about having to one day sit Dave down and tell him how it's going to be, and deal with his anxiety. I'd rather pull that bandaid off quickly, and then get on with soothing the stinging (Dave's pretty inevitable resisitance). Dave is an intelligent man, who cares about my feelings about things. Also, he now knows two of my friends have birthed at home, and be fine with it. He can talk to my midwife. He can talk to my friend's dh who's wife used the same midwife. He can think on the fact that, besides my first birth - an induction - I've never had to use anyone but a midwife anyway, so why leave home for that...
It'll be ok. Right now, I just want to get all my ducks in a row. For my own peace of mind.

3 comments:

loz said...

Wishing you lots of luck with that conversation

Stitch Sista said...

Good luck. I don't know him, but I can't see him not coming around...I'm sure you can be very convincing :P. (or at least persistent!)

Juniper said...

Good on you for at least broaching the subject - I know that can be stressful when you are possibly expecting a negative response!

Don't forget, as your Doula, and your friend, and someone who has personally had a homebirth and someone Dave knows who he hopefully doesn't consider toooooo crazy (LOL), I am happy to have a chat with him as well.

I agree with you re: wanting to get it out there and honest etc... right from the start, so you can properly plan your birth at home and have confidence in yourself and your careproviders.

Huge hugs - catch up for coffee this week sometime ok?

Teenagers and the failing parent...