Saturday, May 10, 2008

Do you love life?

Was watching Oprah yesterday (as am prone to do when virtually computerless - 1 hour a day just doesn't count for me, lol)...

She was doing a mother's day show, with Maria Shriver (sp?) aka Mrs Terminator interviewing Demi Moore (not one of my favourite people, though I guess I like her a little more after seeing that interview, but generally in the past she's struck me a bit of a cold fish), on mothering, and what it is - for her - to be a mother, and how her relationship with her own mother impacted on how she is as a mother for her own children.

There was also an interview with Vanessa Williams and her mother, about their relationship and how that has affected VW in her approach to parenting.

Of course, I saw paralells between both these actor's relationships with their mothers and my relationship with my own mother, and with my children as well...

Someone, I think VW's mum, said the greatest gift you can give your child is modelling for them a love of life.

This got me thinking.

I'm generally a glass half full person myself, BUT is that the same as having a love of life? Do I love life? I'm not sure that I do, and that got me thinking about what it is that makes a person love life... Doing what you love in life is apparently key to loving life.

I've always maintained that I will do what I love in life. To a degree I do do what I love. I love to think, and write, and do those things (I'm doing that right now, actually, and loving every moment of it)... That said, so much of my day is not about doing what I love.

Essentially, I'm a very lazy person. In order to do what I loved throughout my day, I would not really be able to have a husband, and household and children. The school run (well, hardly a run, much more a shuffle) take a mass of time and energy out of my day - I dread it to be honest, and if I could get someone else to do it I certainly would.

I've often thought, I would have done well to be a greek philosopher. At least to be the image of one that is popularly portrayed. Sitting around or in a large pool of warm water, eating foods delivered on platters and turning over the great questions of life with other people. Yes, now THAT would be loving life, in my opinion...

That does bare a slight resemblance to my life WHEN I have a computer. I sit around this virtual pool of water, often with a snack of some form, or at least a cup of coffee, and discuss the big questions in life; Are those new bonds suits really worth the money? Are people who vaccinate their children deluding themselves? Is our society too consumed with consumerism and do I even have a right to comment on this considering my own consumption habits?

I have this pretence in my own mind that writing a book would make me happy, but in all honesty it makes me anxious... I believe that having children will make my love life, but honestly, for the most part, it's all a lot of hard work that distracts me from my first love - kneading ideas and trying to form them into palatable round cakes or cookies that others will drool over...

That said, I would be miserable without my dh and my kids and this degree I'm doing, so therein lies a bit of a quandry...

How do find more love for the life I'm actually living, instead of lusting after some mythical existence that would actually rob me of all the things I've worked pretty damn hard to achieve already?

How do I show my kids that I do sorta, kinda already love this life that has me feeling so many conflicted feelings in reality?


Rachael said...

Ah there's a question for you. I'm still pondering your post from yesterday that has me wondering 'what is a good parent' and how does one know if they are or not!

Anyway, yes, motherhood being the mostly thankless task that it is doesn't leave a lot of room for doing the things we truly love. Some people manage by making their daily work a meditation of sorts, but I find myself busting a gut getting through what *needs* to be done, so that I can get to the fun (the stuff *I* want to do at the other side).

I'm starting to think I need to change my mindset though...there will be many years in the future I'm sure where I *will* have that time for myself, and I don't want to be looking back wondering why I didn't pay more attention to the kids!

Ah I don't know...I feel like I've gone off on a tangent. All I know is day to day life is work right now...and of course this is what everyone will tell you about young children. Plenty of time to show them the joy of living later ;) (and I'm only half joking!)

Sumara said...

Ah man, what a hard question. My brain is often one big huge mess of Trying To Love The Life I Have While Wishing For The Life I Dream Of.

It's so easy to think "I'll feel so much happier when I get that job..." or "when we can move to that certain place..." or "when I have that certain friend..."

On the one hand it's great to have aspirations and dreams and I totally will follow the dreams... but on the other hand it can be so stupid to miss out on today's joys if I'm too busy worrying about the future ones...

A quandary indeed.

Nalin said...

I think for me personally, in those moments where I do feel like I love life, it's when everything in my life is exactly the same as the day before when I was feeling shit, and the only difference is the way I am looking at it all. It's not always possible, but I find that an attitude of thankfulness, genuine gratitude for all the little things in our lives that are good, can make you really stop and savour and be *glad* for what you have, even if it isn't perfect, isn't quite the dream. I find comparing what I have to what people in third worlds have is the surest way to open my heart and make me really drink in the blessings of my life.
Is this loving life? Who knows. A part of me wonders what that means anyway. How can you really love life, when you don't have *not life* to compare it to. Does it mean being happy? Does it mean being passionate?

Good Job!