Sunday, July 27, 2008

My muse... The net...

Well, what an enlightening and somewhat terrifying 10 days I've just had...

Some of you may remember that back in May my laptop decided to have some sort of nervous breakdown, which at the time I thought had to do with memory space. Turns out it has something to do with a faulty power connector thingy-whatsit...

No matter, I just started comp-sharing Dave's computer, and while this meant accessing things like msn and my email via the web, and having to put up with IE mangling my home forum and not have that ingenious tabs mechanism that Firefox offers, I was surviving...

But then 11 days ago disaster struck when Dave's computer contracted some sort of evil, malicious virus that eats desktop icons. For 10 whole days I was SANS NET... OMG, it was just awful!

It's not that I don't have a life. I have a very full life (how can a 6 month pregnant mum of a 0, 7 and nearly 3 year old NOT have a full life, I ask you), but seriously folks, I'm an introvert. I'm the worst kind of introvert - that kind that actually DOES need social interaction, but can't actually deal with a lot of direct social contact. The net was made for people like me! We can socialise COMPLETELY on our own terms. I can dip into social contact for 5 minutes or 5 hours, and then as soon as I start to feel overwhelmed, I can walk away. There just isn't too much commitment.

What I've found in the past 10 days is that I've swung violently between feeling socially isolated and extremely lonely, and feeling completely socially overwhelmed. Noise is my biggest issue! I can only really handle small or short amounts of direct auditory stimulus where I need to be paying attention to the noise being directed at me (talking), and then I get very, very tired and sad and overwhelmed.

I'm very much a visual person and so reading "talk" suits me to a tee!

That said, I LOVE a good chat - as anyone who knows me irl will attest to. I just get very emotionally drained being around other bodies of energy (people), whether they are happy or sad or frustrated or relaxed...

Also, I've discovered how my ADD affects me... I'd really thought I'd conquered the worst symptoms of my ADD in the past decade, but now I realise, I actually just managed them digitally. I used to manage them in a handwritten diary, but I guess I've transferred all that to the net, and I just couldn't interrupt that continuum by starting the process of a new handwritten diary while waiting for my computer to be fixed. I knew that all those entries would either be lost once my computer was up and running or I'd need to transcribe them for my own piece of mind (for the mental continuum), and it just seemed like an overwhelming task, so I became completely inert with my millions of darting thoughts and reflexions instead...

SO, THIS IS ME EXHALING...

Yes, so it seems that any ideas that I may have had previously about ditching the net completely at some stage of my existence have now been utterly dumped. I really do need the net for my sanity and I will just ignore the possibly of power shortages in the future that might see our civilisation thrust back to the "dark ages" before personal computers and the internet...

1 comment:

Sumara said...

Hi!
I've been wondering where you were!

Teenagers and the failing parent...