Monday, September 29, 2008

More Random Baby Thoughts...

Saw the gorgeous Tom yesterday and got a snuggle, and he was so little and soft and squeaky and delightful :). Made me happy I'm having another baby soon...

Then came home and read two accounts of the third week of parenting a newborn, both saying that the first couple of weeks bubs slept a lot and now bubs was having crying spells and lots of frequent feeds, and day sleeping but not night sleeping.

I know all this stuff is common - hell, I've been there three times already, and even my "best sleeper" had times like this. Had also read a thread about having time to oneself, and of course, I've had a bit of that in the last year, especially in the evenings, because the boys all are asleep each night by 7pm...

Now, I'm not naive, I know all this will change, I know I have months ahead of me of being "on call" so to speak.

I guess it's just that until last night it all seemed like some "distant future" of an alternative reality for me. Last night I was sitting there watching "The Practice", drinking my tea, in a quiet, peaceful house. I was very tired after a full day of socialising, but no one was making any demands of me and it dawn on me that within a month things will be very, very different!

I have to admit, I had more than a few short moments of dread...

This morning I'm feeling far more philosophical about, so I'm glad I didn't blog in my panicked state last night, LOL...

Not knowing how this baby will be is playing on my mind more this time than with Bryn. With Bryn, our last baby had been Luey, and he'd been *HARD WORK*, so I pretty felt like the Universe could chuck anything in our direction and we'd be ready... Then we had Bryn, and "Buddha" has been so easy, so delightful, so not challenging, LOL, and I feel like I've gone all soft and jelly like and another Luey might just finish me off, LOL. Best not to borrow trouble though, hey?

And again, where I'm usually really looking forward to labour at this stage, this time I'm actually just a little apprehensive. Like, maybe I've had all the "good births" allocated to me, and now I'm pushing my luck. The fact that I've been feeling this all throughout this pregnancy is playing into my stupidstition about this - because WHY has this been playing on my mind so much, does my "higher self" know something I don't? Is it just because I'm having a homebirth and it's all new?

I have great births. Even my most intervened birth with all the "things that went wrong" was a great birth compared to what many other women experience, so why even worry about having something less than great?

So, this morning I'm feeling like I'm not quite ready to have this baby yet.

I'm feeling a bit like I need to go somewhere quiet to think - and unfortunately that's not going to happen this week with school holidays and lots of other stuff happening.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, I think...

Friday, September 26, 2008

And another week bites the dust...

Three weeks to go until my due date...

Started on the EPO last night (not orally, hehehe)... Also started on the "Birth" Bach Flower essence and upped the raspberry leaf tea. Had a quiet night BH wise, LOL, only about 6 contractions all night, but had to get up and pee three times, argh!

Am feeling quite washed out today after the birth plan meeting yesterday and all the people.

The boys are home too, so just trying to get through the day.

I have a busy weekend laid out ahead, and the following weekend is shaping up to be just as busy as well.

I guess after that it'll be fairly quiet though because the boys will be back at school and I'll be just biding time until this baby arrives. Trying to keep in mind it could be another 5 weeks or so. Seriously hoping it won't be though. Don't want to get to the stage where I have to go to the Royal Women's for monitoring - that would be a nightmare logistically but all just in that it would be something to interfere with my mindset of being home.

YS, I wonder how I'm going to go once labour sets in. The last three times I could't wait to get to hospital, even though there was no rush and we live so close by. So, I wonder if I'll feel that way this time, if maybe labour will hit and my first urge will be to pack off to the hospital, LOL... I'm hoping not.

Dave went and saw his parents last night. He didn't tell them about the baby. His mum had wanted him to come over so she could give him some stuff she'd collected for us. They were feeling bad for not having done anything for Mother's Day, Father's day and the boys' birthdays...

OMGoodness, well, they were VERY generous and I just feel awful that we haven't told them about this baby.

MIL gave us a care pack because we've all been sick. It contained: shampoo and conditioner and deodorant x2, panadol oesteo for Dave, Glucosamine with Condroitan for Dave, Fish Oil kiddie tablets for the boys, a multivitamin for all of us - oh and a huge tin of Sustagen - which Dave initially thought was formula and thought maybe our gardner (who is their garnder as well, might have let the cat out of the bag!!!), Dave also got a Black Tshirt with two white handprints on it, one adult, one child, that said "Dad and Me" (now it's not something he'd ever wear, because he doesn't wear tshirts with prints, but it's oh so CUTE!!!)...



I got a red handbag and matching purse, and suede clogs that are INCREDIBLY comfortable. I also got a bottle of Christian Lacroix (sp?) perfume, which is far too strong for me (I don't wear perfume at all) but a lovely idea anyway!



Then they gave us "holiday money" for two family outings (let's just say it's more than what we spend on groceries for a week!), and each boy also got $20 as birthday money...

So, argh, see what I mean. I was more or less pleading with Dave to tell them last night, and I could see that he knows it's wrong not to tell them, but now he thinks it's just better to do once the baby is hear (like maybe they will get over it faster with an actual baby to hold). Also, he said, we don't need the stress of them being pissed off right now, we can deal with that after the baby is born... Hmmm...

One thing though - he actually suggested himeself that we should go get professional porttraits done of the boys once the baby is here, which after the last lot and how much they cost us, he had sworn off doing again. I'd been trying to warm him up to the idea in the past couple of weeks, because while I *CAN* do the portraits myself, they wouldn't be those tacky commercial portraits the extended family love so much, LOL...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Birthplan meeting...

Had my birth plan meeting today. It was good. Totally forgot to get everyone's details mind you - duh!

There was quite a bit of talk about transferring and haemorrhages etc. Not from me, I'm personally assuming that none of that is going to be an issue as it hasn't in the past, and I'm not about to start borrowing trouble. I've made my peace with the idea that in an emergency I will do what I believe to be the best thing for myself or my baby at the time.

I don't really like all the talk of all the things that might be reason enough to transfer, particularly because none of them have been an issue for me in the past. I guess I don't like to think that possibly my "prime" homebirthing births might have been the first three, and this is the one where I'd be better off in hospital, LOL. People always like to say the first birth is one that should happen in hospital because that's the one where you really don't know how your body is going to reaction to birthing... The reality is, no birth can predict what future births will be like. I've had three pretty straightforward births with no major complications, all progress in a very timely fashion (if not downright speedily) with no haemorrhaging and so on...

And yet, this time I'm older, this is my fourth, and my bp is up (it was 130/90 again today) when usually it's quite low in pregnancy.

I want to believe this birth will be no different from my previous three - except that maybe, hopefully it will happen just a little earlier than they did. But time and again, people remind me to not assume anything.

I was a little stressed about the higher BP today, but rationalising it since the meeting, I know that it was most likely a result of having the meeting itself. Having 9 other people around me. I'm an introvert, and even having 2-3 visitors will overstimulate me and make my body release adrenalin and be a bit shaky and jittery (which is just how I was feeling today). That would put my BP up. Unfortunately, midwifery being "evidence based" might suggest that the higher BP might be a sign of something else... Though, not having any other symptoms of anything should be enough to offset concerns.

So, keeping up the protein and being diligent with fish oil and epo are on the menu for me now...

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

White King ROCKS!!!

Ok, I live in a house with four other male humans - three of whom regularly turn my loo into a biohazard zone. For YEARS I've been battling yellow stains on the rim of my toilet bowl. I've tried a number of things, but for some reason i believed that White King loo cleaner was just hype...

Until tonight...

Sick to death of the "yellow death", I bought a bottle of White King, and followed the instructions, doused my toilet bowl in the stuff, left it to soak in for the minimum 10 minutes (20 actually because I wante to see if it really worked), and even as I walked into the loo with my industrial duty gloves on and scouring pad in hand, I could see the bowl already looked whiter... I started to scrub and found NO RESISTENCE as the yellowness wiped away effortlessly beneath my scourer...

Ok, I've probably killed some dolphins, or hastened global warming, or poisoning or something like that by a decade, but my toilet bowl is WHITE!!! It's GLEAMING!!! And I will not be apologising profusely to my guests in the morning for being the only woman in a nearly 6 person household with one, solitary, much abused loo...

Another "All Home" day...

At least the house isn't feral for once. It's always easier to keep track of the kids and minimise chaos when the house is in order - they seem less inclined to lose the plot.

I've got some White Wings cookies to make with them afternoon - Oh, C'mon, you didn't REALLY think I'd bake from scratch - no ME, LOL... Maybe in a future life, when I've mastered other niceties such as not being a total harpie when pregnant...

The other thing I might do - instead of baking today (because the weather is supposed to be nicer today than on Friday, so Friday might be a better baking day. Is pull down the art that the boys have had hanging on the dining room wall all year, and get them to do some new stuff, and freshen up the art wall...

Baking mess or craft mess... Baking mess... Or craft mess... Hmmm, it's not an easy decision, is it?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Today I've...

  1. Bought two more baskets for nappies and sorted the nappies into a) newborn fitted/covers/AIO, b) larger AI2, fitted and covers, c) sundry other cloth nappies pieces/wetbags/boosters and d) paper nappy supplies for Bryn
  2. Done the dishes and cleaned the kitchen
  3. Washed the flats and put them in the dryer
  4. Bought for the labour kit: Maternity pads, strainer, placenta bowl and non-slip bath mat
  5. Folded a load of washing from last night

I guess I'm starting to get there...

The BH have eased up a little since last night. I went to bed at 8.30pm which was big mistake because I was up again at midnight for a couple of hours. Those three or so hours of sleep weren't particularly restful because of intermittent contractions. The contractions themselves are not particularly painful, but because I've had so much action over the last few days, my abdominals feel like I've done thousands of situps and are generally sore.

Anyway, after I went back to bed at 2am, I slept a lot deeper, thank goodness!

Today I've had a handful of sore-ish contractions, but that's it, and considering I walked around a shopping centre for an hour and then stood and washed dishes for another hour, I think that's pretty good actually...

Monday, September 22, 2008

Another half life down...

So, 25 days ago, I was half way through the 100 day countdown, and today I'm half way through the 50 day countdown... Time is flying! In 75 days time (making up that 100 days again), I'll have a baby who has already been with us for a number of weeks!!!

Having lots of prelabour in the last few days, so this body is getting ready to have a baby, but it's a case of the body being willing but the mind not being ready just yet. I guess it's the good old nesting, there are a number of things I want to do before having this baby. I have more cleaning and sorting to do. And a blessingway to have. I want to get some belly shots done as well. The birth plan meeting. Oh, and I'd like to get down to that wool shop in Cantebury and find something nice to knit a cocoon out of - or try to at least...

Anyway, back to the nesting lists...

# Clean toilet

# Clean Laundry (with particular attention placed on window sill and floor)

# Clean bathroom cabinet

# Sort through paper file on top of microwave (and get a new plastic holder to replace the collapsing cardboard one - maybe from Ikea?).

# Sort through crockery cabinet again (and on top of it)

# Clean floors Well, I did a comprehensive vacuum, will wash them later in the week...

# Hound Dave to tidy study into tubs before Birth Plan meeting on Thursday morning.

# Wash nappies and clothes (decide what clothes to wash)

# Buy Ikea in wardrobe clothes shelves and put clothes in them

# Buy two more basket for under the change table (just realised there is that space under the bottom shelf where I can store more nappy supplies, and it's definitely needed with two in nappies)

Also did a big dust and de-cobweb of the loungeroom (though little house spiders are incredibly busy this time of year, I *KNOW* it wasn't that long since I did the last de-cobweb...

Three loads of washing.

Let Erik (and Luey once he realised Erik was having so much fun) vacuum their own room - never discourage a child from helping out.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

  1. move desk to hallway
  2. move change table to loungeroom
  3. sort through Bryn's small toy boxes ready
  4. Pack tubs into garage
  5. move bed to north position
  6. put bedrail on bed
  7. general tidy
  8. weekly food shop

Getting there...

Well, all the big stuff has been done now. The house still feels grotty, mind you, but I'll work my way through that this week. Have used up all my energy for today. Dave will do a dinner shop tonight and the big shop tomorrow.

The list for this coming week looks like this:

  1. Clean toilet
  2. Clean Laundry (with particular attention placed on window sill and floor)
  3. Clean bathroom cabinet
  4. Sort through paper file on top of microwave (and get a new plastic holder to replace the collapsing cardboard one - maybe from Ikea?).
  5. Sort through crockery cabinet again (and on top of it)
  6. Clean floors
  7. Hound Dave to tidy study into tubs before Birth Plan meeting on Thursday morning.
  8. Wash nappies and clothes (decide what clothes to wash)
  9. Buy Ikea in wardrobe clothes shelves and put clothes in them

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Currency of Helping...

I've been having a bit of a tough day. Actually it's been a bit of a tough month, but it's really come to a head today, and for no real reason, except that it's just all coming crashing down for me on an emotional level today - maybe it's because I've been mostly sitting here while Dave slogged his guts out emptying the garage and refilling it, and now he's cooking dinner, etc...

Helping people carries currency for humans. It's a universal. We all help one another and in return we are helped when we need it. Most people help without expecting anything in return, the satisfaction of helping is payment enough. I guess though, that for most people when they are helped, they WANT to return the favour.

I know this is true fo me.

The thing is, in the past couple of years, I've felt quite improverished when it comes to having the resources to help other people, and yet I've needed so much help myself. Sometimes to the point where I wonder if I'm putting strain on my friendships with people. I try to limit the amount of help I ask for and I try to find ways to help others, but more and more, especially in recent months, I've felt extrememly frustrated because I'm always so far behind in the helping stakes.

Not being able to drive is the biggest issue for me. So often, helping others means getting to them, and getting to them quickly (when they need you, obviously). Because I don't drive, this is not something I can do for people. I can't offer to run errands fo people, or bring them food or supplies when they're sick, or take their kids places, or even come over for a chat when they need it. I can't spontaneously take someone out for a treat to cheer them up, be a last minutes step in in a crisis.

So, people end up helping me, and I have nothing much to offer in return.

As well as this, I feel so dependant on people. I'm so dependant on Dave so much of the time, and my fiends who are always going out of their way to make things easier for me.

It's just really messing with my self-image atm.

It is just really hard to hold your head up high when all you ever feel like you're doing is asking people for favours. I often wonder how long it will be before people ust start avoiding me because, oh god, she's going to ask for another favour. So, then I try to get along without asking for help and then I end up screwing myself up by trying to cope with stuff I really can't cope with on my own.

So today I'm really struggling with feeling worthwhile, with feeling equal and valuable and worthy. I have to figure out some other way to be more helpful and less of a drain on other people's resources.

Saturday's list...

  1. Pack outgrown/out of season boys clothes
  2. Pack outgrown Bryn toys
  3. Chuck old packing boxes from the garage
  4. Chuck old plastics on the porch
  5. Chuck mouldy old stroller
  6. Chuck boxes from back porch
  7. Chuck sundry other stuff from garage
  8. Pack clothes and toys tubs back into garage
  9. Chuck scanner
Can I just say. Dave is usually a very reluctant "culler". He comes from parents who hoard, LOL, and it's part of his nature, or at least that is how it has seemed for the past 12 years... I'm always the one to order and pay for the skips and to organise what will be culled, and he usually has to be "convinced" to part with stuff...

But today has been very different. When I decided the 5.5 year old packing boxes in the garage had served their purpose and were now taking up space, I honestly thought that was all we'd be culling from the garage. To my surprise, Dave has pulled 3/4s of the contents of the garage out, and every old water damaged box contain packing paper and mouldy soft toy and what not has been binned! He's decided a LOT more can go than I could ever have dreamed of! It's all very exciting, rofl! It's like he's finally realised that all I'm trying to do here is simplify our lives a bit by slothing off the dead skin, the stuff we're NEVER going to use again, that is now damaged beyond salvaging.

It's been raining off and on this morning, but the sun has finally come out again. We're stopping for lunch, but I have high hopes that we'll get this done today, and then we can reorder the bedroom and deal with the ceiling mould and dust in there tomorrow.

After lunch we have to redistribute all the packing tubs and other stuff back into the garage in a way that we can access clothes and toys in a few months time when bubba and the kids are bigger again. I also still need to move the desk and change table inside but can't do that until the tubs are out in the garage because right now they're standing in the hallway where the desk will go...

Next weekend I'm going to go to Ikea and get one of these...



It'll hang in our wardrobe and hold bubba's clothes and things, I think one will do, but at under $20, I could get two, maybe, we'll see...

Friday, September 19, 2008

One hand in our pockets and the other in our piggy banks...

I thought you guys might enjoy a break from the lists... A short intermission, anyway, seeing as I'm likely to be back this afternoon with more listing...

Term four is around the corner, and with that, we've just received the notices from school about the swimming course that the junior school does towards the end of fourth term each year... In previous years this has been a non-compulsory activity, spanning two weeks, during which the children attend 2 hours of swimming "lessons" four days a week. These "lessons" cost about $80 per child.

Note that I keep putting "lessons" in inverted commas, LOL. The reason I've done this is that there seems to be no real benchmark for achieve for these "lessons". Now when we were kids, these swimming lessons at school led to some sort of achievement certificate or "medal" that reflected the child's level of achievement at the end of the course. Now, Dave and I are not particularly "outcomes orientated", however, if we're going to be paying $160 for swimming lessons in the two months before Christmas, we wanted to at least be able to assume that the children will be LEARNING TO SWIM!!!

Doesn't that sound reasonable?

Last year, over 16 hours of instruction Erik and Luey learned to dog paddle. We paid $160 for them to learn to do what most 6 months old do naturally anyway. During this time, Erik and Luey were both "benched" on one action each (at least) for behaving irresponsibly around the pool. So, then we paid for them to sit and watch the other kids swim for two hours...

So, we decided that this year we'd opt out of the swimming "lessons" save our money and teach them ourselves, LOL.

Anyway, so Dave reads the notice, and the wording is slightly different this year...

It seems the swimming lessons are now considered "part of the school curriculum" and that all children are "expected to participate"...

Hmmm, good-o, so if it's part of the curriculum, we should have to pay for it seperately, isn't that right? And they'd have to be able to tick some box at the end to show that our children have, indeed, achieve some new level of swimming ability...

You'd think...

If the school is going to have their hands in our pockets all the time, then they should be able to account for the cost of things they "require" us to pay for...

You'd think...

Public Education, people...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Ok, payday tomorrow, time to get a move on...

Ok, I need to write another list (yes, I know, stimulating reading for you guys - but this is where I am now, about 4 weeks out from having a baby, and suddenly needing to "get sorted" - hey, I can't be "deep and meaningful" ALL the time (Oi! No, smart comments, YOU!)...

Ok, so, let's see...

  1. Pay the electricity installment (two actually, oops)
  2. Pay the after school care bill
  3. Pay this months CC bill (DON"T let it get overdue!)
  4. Buy 4 tubs with lids for packing away clothes/toys
  5. Put aside money for skip
  6. Buy Secret Stork DIO group pressie, and send it!
  7. Buy Erik and Luey el cheapo back packs for school holiday program
Ok, I think that is about as far as the budget is going to stretch this fortnight...

Ok, then things to do this week/end...

  1. Put underlay on bed
  2. Put bedrail on bed
  3. Sort through wardrobes/drawers - 1/2 done!
  4. Move bed
  5. Pack clothes in crates - 1/2 done!
  6. Pack toys in crates
  7. Wash nappies/clothes (decide what to wash, what to hold off washing)
  8. Move study desk and change table positions in the house
  9. Empty packing boxes from garage to skip
  10. Chuck boxes from back porch
  11. Chuck scanner
LOL, if I get through that list, we'll all be buggared!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Today...

On the schedule today...

  • Sort through my books
  1. Decide what is NOT being kept in the study, then move the stuff from the crates in the hallway to the shelves in the study (try to somehow do this with letting Bryn get into everything!). This should free up a crate or two for the next job...
  • Sort through the boys clothes...
  1. Bryn: pack up outgrown stuff. Move stuff that fits to under the bunks.
  2. Weed out stuff that no longer fit Erik or Luey, pack Winter stuff, bring out Summer stuff. Make a list of what Erik might need this Summer...
Ah, buggar! Completely thwarted! The books I thought would be in my bookcase and in the crates in the hallway, are in fact in the garage, so I can't sort through them, and the stuff in the crates has to stay there, so essentially I need more crates (Damn! That means less room in the garage). So, that stuff is going to have to wait until Thursday (aka "payday"),

I guess, I'll wash those nappies, and the boys clothes that are in the laundry in preparation for sorting and packing on Thursday/Friday, instead...

Monday, September 15, 2008

This week´s To Do list...

Ok, I've got to order a skip to be delivered on Friday. Then in preparation for the skip, I have to do the following...

  • Sort through Bryn's clothes, weed out everything too small and pack it away for the garage.
  • Sort through and crate up Bryn's toy that he's outgrown (that Ari won't be using for at least 6 months).
  • Sort through Erik and Luey's clothes, exchanging winter gear for summer gear.
  • Sort through my books, decide what to get rid off and bag them up, find MAAP books to loan to BaBs Box Hill.
  • Sort through nappy baskets under change table.
  • Sort through bedroom wardrobe.
  • Tackle Dave about the A3 flatbed scanner (anyone want this, it's going FREE, pick up only and soon!)...
  • Clear space for basinet.
  • Put underlay and doona for protection on the bed.
Then on the weekend, Dave will clear out the garage, putting the old packing boxes in the skip, and freeing up space for crates that we have in the house. The various large boxes that are standing on the back porch will go in the skip too.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Heartburn hell...

35 weeks today, 35 days to go, and last night was the worst night's sleep I've had in the past 35 weeks - well, it's a bit generous actually saying there was any sleep to be had at all, because there was just pained dozing...

Indigestion and heartburn were the culprits. Any time I tensed a muscle in my body, my stomach would try to expell the non-digested contents. I would end up with a mouthful of reflux which slowly but surely burned the top of my oesophogus...

I spent a lot of time sitting up with belly hanging (contrary to midwife's advice, but I had to relieve the upward pressure on my stomach), breathing through muscles contractions that led to aforementioned indigestion and reflux. If there had only been voluntarily muscle movement I might have been ok, but of course there were the usual regular braxton hicks contractions as well.

Spent some time playing Poppit on Pogo...

Dave is desperate to get me some sort of reflux remedy, none of the chemist type stuff is any good because it all makes me want to vomit. Chewing gum gets rid of the heartburn, but doesn't help the indigestion because I somehow end up full of air. I guess the cure will be birthing this baby. Right now, I'd be happy for that to happen sooner rather than later - like by the end of September - I guess I can live in hope...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

35 weeks tomorrow...

And then I'll have 35 days to go until my due date...

Bought some raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil capsules as well. Got the Bach flower essences in the mail yesterday as well... I can see I'll have to be ordering more of those before the birth.

Our horticulturalist came today, his wife is due in about a week and a half. He thought I looked "ready to burst!" I had to laugh, here is a guy who's wife is also on her fourth (also her fourth boy, LOL) and he still doesn't know that a nearly 8 month pregnant woman probably DOESN'T want to hear that she looks ready to burst, hahaha!

Birthplan meeting will be a fortnight from now, and then I'll be a day off 37 weeks...

Have all but signed the boys up for the school holiday program. We won't be sending them every day, just on the excursion days being offered (because they're the longest days and suit Dave's work travel the best, and will probably be the most fun too). Beauraucracy is a PITA though. The school holiday program wants bookings and advance payment by NEXT Wednesday, BUT this program isn't the same as the regular after school program, so we had to register a new "school holiday program" carer provider number with Centrelink, which we only received last night. So, I ring them this morning and register that, BUT we can't book in with the school holiday program until we can show them the acceptance letter from Centrelink, which won't arrive before the end of next weekend - i.e. AFTER the bookings and payment deadline.

Anyway, just talked to someone there, and they're going to try and work it out for us... Without the rebate, we'd have to pay $360 upfront, whereas we're expecting only to have to pay about $90, once the rebate is calculated. Big difference, right?

The guy I just talked to pretty much assured me that there would still be spots available at the end of next week though, I hope so. The boys would be getting to go to Imax and Scienceworks, which they've been to before, but also Healeville Sanctuary and the MCG which they haven't been to, so that would be fantastic fun for them, and the price is just unbeatable!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

OMG! I'm so tired!!!

I didn't sleep well last night, or the night before, or the one before that... In fact, this seems to be the way of things for me atm. If it's not heartburn, it's stress. I swear my head is actively seeking out stuff to stress over, even though I really, REALLY don't want to and normally wouldn't stress over the things I'm stressing over these days.

I'm finding it hard to get to sleep before 1-2am, and then I'm awake again, usually thanks to rowdy kids (incl. Dave here) between 6.30-7am...

In the intervening hours, there's heartburn pain, and a myriad of stressful dreams and nightmares - half the time I'm only half asleep, trapped between being awake and being in a kind of waking dream.

This happens at the end of every pregnancy, and at least this time I'm not also being kept awake by excruiating hip pain. The innerspring mattress on this bed is divine, 1000% on the old futon mattresses I've endured for the past three pregnancies.

But I'm sooooo tired, all the same. And I know that once bubs is here, I'll sleep deeply when I get the opportunity to sleep, I just have to pray this baby doesn't have Luey's early sleep patterns (which were actually not SLEEP patterns, just feeding and screaming patterns)...

Monday, September 08, 2008

At bed time last night...

I'm in bed last night, and Dave brings Bryn in from the lounge room for the night...

Bryn is so beautiful when he's put down on the bed and snuggles up to me... I can't help talking to him...

Me: There's my Buddha!
B: No!
Me: You're not my Buddha?
B: No!
Me: Are you my snugglibum?
B: No!
Me: Are you my snookie, then?
B: No!
Me: Are you the Meh bear?
B: No!
Dave (not wanting to be left out): Are you the bigger boy?
B: No!
Me: Are you the funny little monkey?
B: No!
Dave: Are you our little "No!" boy?
B: No!
Me: Do you want us to shut up now so you can sleep?
B: YES!

Friday, September 05, 2008

The memory of a sieve...

Was in the shower before (how many of my blogs start like this???) and talking to my baby under the hot water, telling him how he's safe and how he has three older brothers and a dad and a mum who are going to watch out for him, and he won't be alone like he was before, and then it was like he goes, "Remember that dream, the dream you forgot about on Thursday when she asked you if you'd dreamed about me..."

Bloody hell, that was a bit blunt, hey?

When I walked into the reading with Lucy she asked me if I'd dreamt about my baby and I said not really, certainly not since the beginning of the pregnancy, and those dreams were strange and didn't seem relevant to this baby...

But of course, I'd totally forgotten about the dream I had last week, or the week before when I dreamt I woke up at mum's and I wasn't pregnant anymore and I was told I'd had the baby the night before at hospital but because it was so early (32-33 weeks) he needed to be in special care for a little while, so they'd taken me home to rest and I was going back to the hospital at lunch time to see him. I was really upset and anxious because I hadn't seen him, or fed him, and was worried he wouldn't know me when he finally did get to see me - not to mention that I was sure they'd have formula fed him by now, and he was all alone...

Yes, that's right, all alone!

OMG, and then I see Lucy and she tells me this little boy has big trust issues because he lost me in a previous life and was all alone in caring for his little sister...

And suddenly the dream makes perfect sense! And I was able to reassure him that that won't happen! I'm having him at home, and if for any reason he needed to be in special care, I would not leave him, I would be right there! I'd be insisting on lots of kangaroo care and I wouldn't leave him, but that's not even going happen! The dream wasn't about my fears, they were about his!

Maybe I forgot the dream so that I could remember it later and see all these jigsaw pieces fall into place!

Oh look! Inverted baby!!!

Looks like the baby on my ticker has decided to follow suit with the baby in my belly, LOL, and turn head down... Took me a few seconds to figure out what had happened! I was looking at the spinning baby going, "Now what's different about that picture???" Ah, not all with it this morning!

Far too much to day today, and what do you know, I've told the Awesome Water guy I'll be home all day and he can come change the filter any time. Am going to have to ring him soon and say I'll leave the money for him and he can leave the filter because I might be out... Just too much to do!

Thursday, September 04, 2008

My visit with Lucy this morning...

Was fab as usual! It's really like seeing an old friend, and I guess after three visits, it's getting to be a bit like that, too. She's so lovely!

I asked about the baby, and here is what she had to say...

She felt he was definitely a boy. That he'd waited until I was older to come through because he'd lost me at a young age in a previous life. She said my next baby would be a little girl, who had previously been his little sister and had also lost me young (obviously), and so she was very attached to him and needed him here first. Then Lucy noticed the dubious look on my face and said if I wasn't ready for another one, she'd still come through but as a granddaughter, and that that might even be better because she needs a LOT of woman's work, and it might be better to do that intensely with a grandmother than in the mother/daughter relationship.

Anyway, because this boy lost me early, he has a lot of trust issues to work through, and I've got to be very reassuring with him that he is safe, I am here with him, etc. She says he lost me due to circumstances of war, and so emphasising that we live in a safe country now is also important.

She said he'll have a tendency to be a bit of a loner and a bit inward looking. She said the names we'd chosen for him were very good, in that they create a balance between the introspective Ari and the loving and creative Leo. She did say that perhaps calling him Leo, as a day to day name would be kinder for him as it's a lighter, more optimistic name, but she said the name Ari, starting with an A also would bring him a lot of inner strength, which he's benefit from, so either name is really ok, and the fact that we have both is actually really good - good to know!!! I'm still more drawn to Ari as an everyday name though...

What else... Oh, she said I shouldn't focus on him being a Scorpio, he doesn't need to be a Scorpio, rofl, that would just mean a more difficult lifepath for him, as Scorpios have a greater tendency to get "stuck" on their path - rofl, I have soooo much Scorpio in my chart, we had a laugh about that, thank goodness my Sun is Sagittarius! So, she said it would be great for him to be born in Libra, and that would really help him achieve balance (along with his name) - so she's encouraged all things that will open my uterus including; RLT, RPO, Bach flower essence to deal with trauma, letting go, trust etc., doing mandalas, and talking to him to tell him he's safe to come out, etc. She told me to envisage a "wet and slippery birth", rofl - LOVE IT! She also said to get free reiki whereever I could...

Then I asked her about my bro, and I'll just say she says he needs lots of grounding. She suggested introducing him to Shamanism, and in particular drumming, but I'm relaly not even sure how to do that.

I asked about another female relative I'm having trust issues with - not my mum, rofl!!! And she said this woman has pretty much evolved as much as she is going to in this lifetime, she's a closed book, and what I know about her from the past hasn't, and isn't going to change. She said my father's choices with regard to this relative were spot on!

Ok, so about me generally. I mentioned that I sometimes think that if I had many previous lives, I must have been a man a lot of the time, because a lot of my friends have a lot of feminist based views, particularly about oppression that I just can't relate to, I just don't get. She said I'd fought many wars in past lives. She said a lot of the men in my life (particularly my sons) are men I went into battle with (old commrades) and so there was a lot of, "Good to see you again, mate" in these relationships. She said my roles in the lives of many of the men around me was to help them ground and feel safe.

She said I've had to endure a lot of suffering in past lives, and so I'm very good at just getting on with it and not actually letting people know when I'm suffering. She said that I was very drained and that people wanted to help me but I wasn't letting them. I think I ask for plenty of help, LOL, but maybe my idea of plenty isn't that much - I guess you can only do what you can do though, LOL, and I feel as if I put enough onto other people as it is...

So, there you go!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

...And the joke is on Mummy...

So, I got that gate, and set it up in front of the boys´bedroom door, and all was right with the world - until this morning...

Guess who can open the gate!

He still can't open the kitchen gate, which is exactly the same as the bedroom gate, but it seems the bedroom gate is a touch more sensitive, and bouncy boy has figured out that if he bounces on the peddle he can open the gate... Luckily, bouncing on the peddle also makes a considerable amount of noise, so there is still no sneaking into the room, and I think if I adjust the gate a little bit it might actually be harder to open - will test that theory later...

Luey Blue is home again today. He'd finished his course of ABs, but not started the repeat, and then he decided that seeing as he could see sun, it would be fine for him to run around the school yard in nothing but a short sleeved polo shirt... So, this morning he was hacking up a lung and has spent most of the day in bed...

Some fun news now... Had my midwife appointment this morning and my fundus is measuring 30-32cm - I'm 33 weeks, so for the first time EVER I'm not measuring 3+cms MORE than I'm gestating!!! I'm still holding onto my dream of an 8lb 3oz baby, hahaha! There is always the chance that bubs might have a growth spurt in the next few weeks, but if not, then I might actually have an "average" sized baby for once! I don't expect that will hurt any less, just that size 000 might fit for more than one month - maybe!!!

Monday, September 01, 2008

Preschooler Proofing...

Well, it´s been an interesting day at Household Birdsnest...

I´m going to have to admit defeat to the deadly combination of being 7.5 months pregnant and having to keep track of the to-ings and fro-ings of a three year old dynamo.

The child has been a bit housebound these past couple of weeks due to my own lethargy and weather circumstances and illness, and so he's started to investigate new ways of entertaining him, or rather wangling NEW ways to access old tried and true methods of self-entertainment.

Today it was drawing on a variety of surfaces, including the tv screen, with some face painting crayons (that stuff is GREASY!); floor painting with margarine (which also revealed that he's finally discovered he can open the fridge on his own - Oh Joy!); and discovering mum's chocolate energy renewal stash...

What to do, what to do?

Well, first of all, I deserve a mighty pat on the back for more or less keeping my cool! I have to say, my parenting of Bryn is a UNIVERSE away from my parenting of Erik at the same age, and only in a good way! So, at least I don't have to pile the guilt of psychologically scarring my preschooler on top of being the not-vigilant-enough parent guilt.

Anyway, the main issues at the moment are:

  • Getting into the boys' room (which is technically also his room, even though he still isn't sleeping in there) and trashing the bigger boys stuff that is stored on their shelves. This has been a big source of frustration (which I find quite amusing, actually, because it's given me cause to talk to Erik and Luey about how they don't show us (mum and dad) the same respect they seem to expect from a child 6 and 4 years younger than them), and pulling their stuff out of their shelves and scattering it around
  • Getting into all the various pens and pencils, crayons and textas etc. that get dumped in our kitchen crockery cabinet - that he can reach with a dining chair now.
  • Getting into food stuffs left on the kitchen counter than is accessible from the dining room.
  • Getting into the kitchen because either the safety gate or the kitchen door have been left often.
  • Getting in glasses and cups of drinks left on counters or tables around the house and using said liquids to "painting", "wash", "pour" etc..
So, from here on in NOTHING is to be left of the kitchen counter between the kitchen and dining, that way if he does put a dining chair up to it, he can't get into food stuffs or drinks.

The kitchen door and the kitchen safety gate HAVE to be kept closed at all times - luckily, he's not physically heavy enough to open the gate yet (as it's a peddle operated system that required a substantial weight to open the gate - as long as it's set up properly, if it's out of alignment all bets are off).

Pens, pencils and all other drawing implements have to be stored out of sight and out of reach!

No more leaving half drank drinks around the house!

I'm going to get a gate for the boys' room so that even if he does get a door up to the doorknob, he still can't get past the gate...



I'm getting some storage boxes for the boys shelves so all their little "scatterable" things can be stored away. Won't completely stop him getting into their stuff, but should slow him down just enough that I can become aware of what he's trying to do and stop him myself!

So, 8 of these...



To go into this bookcase, that they already have...

It's Spring, it's Spring, it's Spring, it's Spring, it's Spring, it's Spring, it's Spring!!!!


Let me hear ya say, WOOOOOOOT!!!

OMG, I survived Winter!!!

The sun is struggling to shine, and there is definitely a scent of Spring out there! Cherry blossoms lining the street, and of course, all the new chicks and baby animals and OMG,
BABIES!!!

This is what I've been waiting for all year, this season to start! It means my baby isn't far away! My first ever NOT-A WINTER-BABY, rofl...


Teenagers and the failing parent...