Friday, September 05, 2008

The memory of a sieve...

Was in the shower before (how many of my blogs start like this???) and talking to my baby under the hot water, telling him how he's safe and how he has three older brothers and a dad and a mum who are going to watch out for him, and he won't be alone like he was before, and then it was like he goes, "Remember that dream, the dream you forgot about on Thursday when she asked you if you'd dreamed about me..."

Bloody hell, that was a bit blunt, hey?

When I walked into the reading with Lucy she asked me if I'd dreamt about my baby and I said not really, certainly not since the beginning of the pregnancy, and those dreams were strange and didn't seem relevant to this baby...

But of course, I'd totally forgotten about the dream I had last week, or the week before when I dreamt I woke up at mum's and I wasn't pregnant anymore and I was told I'd had the baby the night before at hospital but because it was so early (32-33 weeks) he needed to be in special care for a little while, so they'd taken me home to rest and I was going back to the hospital at lunch time to see him. I was really upset and anxious because I hadn't seen him, or fed him, and was worried he wouldn't know me when he finally did get to see me - not to mention that I was sure they'd have formula fed him by now, and he was all alone...

Yes, that's right, all alone!

OMG, and then I see Lucy and she tells me this little boy has big trust issues because he lost me in a previous life and was all alone in caring for his little sister...

And suddenly the dream makes perfect sense! And I was able to reassure him that that won't happen! I'm having him at home, and if for any reason he needed to be in special care, I would not leave him, I would be right there! I'd be insisting on lots of kangaroo care and I wouldn't leave him, but that's not even going happen! The dream wasn't about my fears, they were about his!

Maybe I forgot the dream so that I could remember it later and see all these jigsaw pieces fall into place!

2 comments:

Spiralmumma said...

WOW!! That is just awesome..that's one connected little dude you have there! I'm just grinning at the utter awesomeness. I cannot wait to meet him!

Amanda O. said...

Oh wow Sif,it's amazing to see things tie together like that isn't it? It'll be so interesting to have this next generation of such in-tune and aware children among us... rainbow and crystal children, so able to communicate themselves. :)

Teenagers and the failing parent...