Monday, September 29, 2008

More Random Baby Thoughts...

Saw the gorgeous Tom yesterday and got a snuggle, and he was so little and soft and squeaky and delightful :). Made me happy I'm having another baby soon...

Then came home and read two accounts of the third week of parenting a newborn, both saying that the first couple of weeks bubs slept a lot and now bubs was having crying spells and lots of frequent feeds, and day sleeping but not night sleeping.

I know all this stuff is common - hell, I've been there three times already, and even my "best sleeper" had times like this. Had also read a thread about having time to oneself, and of course, I've had a bit of that in the last year, especially in the evenings, because the boys all are asleep each night by 7pm...

Now, I'm not naive, I know all this will change, I know I have months ahead of me of being "on call" so to speak.

I guess it's just that until last night it all seemed like some "distant future" of an alternative reality for me. Last night I was sitting there watching "The Practice", drinking my tea, in a quiet, peaceful house. I was very tired after a full day of socialising, but no one was making any demands of me and it dawn on me that within a month things will be very, very different!

I have to admit, I had more than a few short moments of dread...

This morning I'm feeling far more philosophical about, so I'm glad I didn't blog in my panicked state last night, LOL...

Not knowing how this baby will be is playing on my mind more this time than with Bryn. With Bryn, our last baby had been Luey, and he'd been *HARD WORK*, so I pretty felt like the Universe could chuck anything in our direction and we'd be ready... Then we had Bryn, and "Buddha" has been so easy, so delightful, so not challenging, LOL, and I feel like I've gone all soft and jelly like and another Luey might just finish me off, LOL. Best not to borrow trouble though, hey?

And again, where I'm usually really looking forward to labour at this stage, this time I'm actually just a little apprehensive. Like, maybe I've had all the "good births" allocated to me, and now I'm pushing my luck. The fact that I've been feeling this all throughout this pregnancy is playing into my stupidstition about this - because WHY has this been playing on my mind so much, does my "higher self" know something I don't? Is it just because I'm having a homebirth and it's all new?

I have great births. Even my most intervened birth with all the "things that went wrong" was a great birth compared to what many other women experience, so why even worry about having something less than great?

So, this morning I'm feeling like I'm not quite ready to have this baby yet.

I'm feeling a bit like I need to go somewhere quiet to think - and unfortunately that's not going to happen this week with school holidays and lots of other stuff happening.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, I think...

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