Thursday, October 23, 2008

Goodness, now how do you suppose that happened?

It's been a big day.

Mum had her gallstones/gallbladder out today.

They were going to attempt keyhole surgery, but in the end they found they had to do the full cut. She now has five wounds to heal from, but is happy as Larry to finally have this behind her... The two stones which were removed were quite large. The larger one was dark - as a result of too thick bile, and was cylindrical, measuring 4cm in length and 2cm in diameter. The second one was lighter, as a result of non-ideal diet, and measured 2cm in diameter (I'm assuming it was spherical)...

The operation took 3 hours.

The op had originally been schedule for a week ago, the day before my due date, and that was causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I was quite relieved when it was rescheduled for a week later, as somehow I felt that gave me more time to give birth and possibly be able to fly over to SA if mum needed me (yes, I probably wasn't being very realistic there, travelling with a baby on a few days old etc.)...

Anyway, while the pressure was off, I was still feeling a little antsy about this baby needing to hurry up and be born. I was really angry on Monday when he wasn't here yet...

Then last night, I thought I was actually, possibly, in labour! I actually called my midwife to give her a heads up in case I needed to call her during the night... But labour fizzled almost as soon as I got off the phone with her...

That's when the strangest thing happen... I realised I was RELIEVED. It suddenly dawned on me, I really didn't WANT to have this baby just yet. When faced with the acutal possibility of labour, I was suddenly not sure that I was ready...

Today, I've continued to have contractions every hour, not very strong, but have been quite happy for it not to progress beyond that...

In fact, I've kind of settled into some sort of surreality where I'm not having a baby at all, it's not going to happen, and I'm ok with that... I feel calm. I don't feel any need or desire to have the baby any time soon. I don't even think I've EVER felt this way before. I have no urge to encourage these contractions to gain strength or pace or anything like that.

What a strange turn of events! Maybe my mind has finally snapped???

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