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I guess it doesn't take much these days...

Struggling not to feel depressed today...

Very sore hips overnight made turning over in bed excruiatingly painful. This has been building for a week, but I guess with the emotional upheaval of yesterday afternoon, I just didn't feel up to viewing it as a temporary, rather short term inconvenience...

Am going to try and distract myself with other birth preps today, and get back on track with the positive mindset I had going before I became all self-conscious about hoping for this baby to be the exception and come on time.

Philosophically, I can put this down to the precarious nature of being nearly 39 weeks pregnant and having hormones rushing through my body, and wanting to meet my baby but also being a bit anxious about the whole prospect of parenting four children and going back to that baby and a toddler stage - which I didn't deal with so well the last time I was there (with Erik and Luey)...

But, on reflection, the truth is that I feel like I paid my dues with Erik and Bryn, and I was super patient and zen about Bryn going over, and I even happily negotiated with the hospital for Bryn to be able to go to 42.5 weeks, and so I kind of feel like the Universe owes me this time. I don't really care if that's logical thinking or helpful (it's helpful to me btw, I was quite happy in my little bubble of delusion until people started trying to put holes in the bubble)...

There should be some sort of law that it's not permitted to interfere with a pregnant woman's thinking processes, however unrealistic they may seem to others, unless she is a physical danger to herself or her baby - and by danger, I mean if she's about to do away with herself or her baby as some sort of desperate act...

If I want to believe this baby might come early or on time, then what business is it of anyone else to make comment on that - to me or to a third party? Absolutely none! Besides which, I find it's the people who only went a couple of days over, or a week over who are the most judgemental and the ones most likely to say, "babies are born on their birthdays, they're never late..."

Bah humbug to them, when they've waiting for two weeks or more past their estimated due date, and have done that more than once, then they can come "The Zen" with me - and I'll still probably tell them to take a long walk on a short pier, but chances are they haven't done the wait while taking care of two or more other children...

I know a woman who went to 43.5 weeks with her sixth, and she'd gone over before - several times, I think, so it wasn't new territory for her. She seemed to be pretty zen, but she was actually zen about wanting the baby out yesterday. She didn't try to pretend that she didn't give a toss when the baby would arrive, she seemed to accept her own impatience as part of the process. I really admired that. She was being completely honest with herself and not trying to fit some particular school of thought with regards to philosophy towards birthing...

So, even though I'm not even due yet, I think it's fine for me to admit that I'd love this baby to come in the next week. I'm not going to fall in a heap if bubs doesn't agree - I'm an "overtime" veteran, but I also don't need to pretend like I don't have a preference and that I'm not excited about lots of prelabour, even though so far it seems to be going no where which is why I haven't bothered my midwife with it...

Ah, well, I see the sun is coming out, hopefully a few D-rays will lighten my mood a bit...

Comments

Stitch Sista said…
Ahh big ((hugs)).

I think it's par for the course really, feeling this way about now. I know I did. I knew there was a heap of work on the other side but I just wanted to get on with it!!

And although I've never gone 'over' so to speak, I was pretty ansty and would so NOT have been zen if I did LOL.
Stitch Sista said…
Oh and I haven't posted my birth story anywhere yet, but on the day I had N, my m/w ended up asking me "why didn't you tell me you were in labour?" Urm, because I actually didn't bloody well know I was :P. I 'pre-laboured' all day without really being convinced that this was 'it' so to speak.
Sif said…
Yes, I can see how that might happen. It did happen to someone else my mw was attending just last week. I guess, I keep thinking there would be other signs, a show, or something.

Certainly, if I'd called her every time I had prelabour recently, she'd have started screening her calls, LOL, because I've never had prelabour like this before, it's very erratic and comes and goes several times a day.

I don't have it at night (after about 10pm) so much, and I just have a feeling that "the real deal" will be a night time event. Which, actually, my midwife also has the impression it will be, though neither of us can say why...
katef said…
You are 30 something weeks pregnant... the whole world can get back in their box if they think that making some nice little 'the baby will come when it's ready' comment is going to be met with sweetness and light. I reckon you already know that the baby will come when it is freaking ready... doesn't mean you are not ready when you are ready.. doesn't mean you are not allowed to hope that is sooner or later...

Hell I've only been over with one and I was all so totally zen about it until 41 weeks then I fell in a great big 'this baby is never going to get out of me' heap.... and it's all totally ok.... cause you are pregnant and nothing matters but your point of view... the rest of the world can shove it up their bums...
Spiralmumma said…
"Besides which, I find it's the people who only went a couple of days over, or a week over who are the most judgemental and the ones most likely to say, "babies are born on their birthdays, they're never late..."

You said it sister ;-)

Ignore them and the people who have nuffin' better to do than gossip to your mW-their lives are clearly very dull!

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