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Round and round the mulberry bush...

So, had a long conversation with Erik last night.

Got out of him that two boys have been teaching him about a variety of words, some "rude" some just not very nice, like imbecile... Another boy (the one we've had ongoing issues with, as have others in the school), has been telling Erik to do and say things (including what he said about his friend on Thursday), or this child was "bash him up"... The thing is, these other boys, they're 6 and 7, but Erik legitimately believes these boys will physically attack. In the case of the boy we've had ongoing issues with, it's not an idle threat. That is the child who attacked both Erik and Luey in the school holiday program, scratching both boys in the face and drawing blood, as well as laying into a third child. This child's attitude is apparently that all teachers are stupid and that you don't have to listen to them. Also, Erik has seen this child do the most appalling things to other students and seemingly nothing gets done about it - that is not to say they school isn't dealing with it at all, but as far as Erik can see this child is hurting other kids with no consequences, so if he hurts Erik, he'll get away with it...

It's complicated (this stuff always is)...

Anyway, we've told him that if he is told do something "wrong" or dared to do something he shouldn't be doing (including swearing, talking about sex, ignoring what his teacher say - we pointed out that while you don't have to listen to your teacher, you might choose to co-operate with her because she has always been respectful and considerate to you and you actually like her and want to get along with her), then he should a) tell the other child he isn't going to do the wrong thing, and that he is going to tell a teacher. If the other child threatens to hurt him, he should run to a populated place where there would be witnesses if someone did physically attack, and preferably seek out a teacher (because one of Erik's problems is that he never has any evidence of the other children saying or doing what he claims they've said and done, so it always ends up being his word against theirs and often these children pair or group up with other kids and back each other up)...

The problem here is, we had Erik assessed by a paediatrician earlier this year who said Erik is intellectually advanced for his age, but emotionally immature (innocent), and that he doesn't know how to interact with boys his age - which is why he tends to prefer the company of girls. The Paed. was going to send us a letter stating all of this, but hasn't yet, and I haven't followed it up. It would provide some evidence to the school that Erik is easily manipulated by other boys, and basically - as I'm interpreting it - these boys, rather than getting into trouble themselves, have figured out that they can get Erik to do their bidding and he will cope the blame for it, they're having fun at his expense because he's not sophicated enough to realise what they're doing...

Anyway, so Dave and I are going to organise a meeting with Erik's teacher and the school counsellor or the principal (I'm not keen to talk to the VP about this because she is completely lacking in compassion or understanding of children)... Before we go to the meeting though, I need to get that letter from the Paed.

Erik will not go to school until we've talked to the school.

Dave and I want some acknowledgment from the school that this other child, the one beating up kids in the school yard is party to creating this situation with Erik. Erik has been teamed up with this boy in class, to try and help the boy with his schoolwork at time, and we want that stopped immediately, because obviously this child poses a threat to Erik, if only emotionally.

Erik has also confirmed that he has a lot of anxiety about going up to the next grade level and not knowing anyone. Also, his teacher has said to him that he can't be at school when the swimming is on - so that's what he understands, anyway, I need to know what she actually told him.

The children should not feel punished because we're not sending them to swimming - I really don't care WHAT arrangement the school has with the aquatic centre...

Comments

Spiralmumma said…
Oh no Sif, i just read your previous entry. So sorry you're having such a hard time :( Its so hard this stuff..you especially don't need it with a small baby and sleepless nights to contend with! You poor thing..*massive hugs* The peer group pressure thing is huge hey? Really what Erik said i can easily imagine coming out of the mouth of L or any of his friends-at that age they are testing the boundaries, and say a lot of stuff they just don't *get* the literal meaning of. It sounds like this other boy is a huge problem though-I would also be very concerned about the influence he is having but most of all the THREATS..OMFG I really hope the teachers do actually act proactively-didn't he say something sexual nature to Luey at one point? I think on that basis alone it warrants them looking into..
Amanda O. said…
What a complex thing to have to deal with for E... for all of you really. :-( I hope the chat with the principal/teacher/counsellor turns up something helpful - I know they probably can't tell you what might be being done to deal with the other kid (privacy, yada yada) but it sounds like whatever it is it's not effective and needs to change. They should be able to assure you that your childs safety mental and physical IS being actively ensured and that he's not being continued to be subject to threats/harm by this child. Especially after this same kid has a pattern of it. Hugs, hugs, hugs... it's doing my head in just thinking about how E must be feeling in that situation and how tough/emotional it must be for you and Dave as well to see happen to him, so cna totally see why you'd feel frusterated.
Juniper said…
(((hugs))) from me too! So much going on! I hope the school is straight on to it re: the other boy!

More discussion IRL!

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