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Bits and Bobs...

Much like my week, this blog entry is going to be a bit bitsy and scattered - so fair warning...

Health

One week to go until I get assessed by the outpatient clinic for my gall bladder. I'm fed up and nervous. Fed up worrying about this, eating a virtually vegan diet (if I ever doubted my compatibility with veganism, I've now truly discovered that I'm incompatible with that lifestyle - certainly the fat free variety of that lifestyle)... I REALLY want this gall bladder out so that I can stop worrying about triggering another attack. I'm nervous because I keep thinking the Drs will tell me it's going to be a long wait and there is nothing they can do to expedite the surgery. I'm also just plain nervous about having surgery.

I've been feeling fairly depressed and "little" this week, which is probably mostly just about the diet and about all the rubbish dealing with the gall bladder attack and then the mastitis. Watching endless footage about the bushfires hasn't helped at all.

I've also been suffering with some sort of allergy or hayfever. I've had itchy, bloodshot eyes, migraine headaches, and now a sniffy, itching nose.

And oddly enough, I have this need to CRY and I just can't! It's very frustrating, goodness knows I've seen enough misery this week to trigger a big cry, but I CAN'T, and I don't know why... Meanwhile the pressure builds...

Bryn

Bryn got to go back to his old Tuesday creche timeslot, which he was happy about. He wasn't happy when I picked him up, there had been a mix up with the lunch boxes which normally wouldn't phase him too much, but on top of that Dave had put his sandwich in Luey's lunchbox and Luey's sandwich in his lunchbox, and he was NOT happy about being lumbered with a jam sandwich when he'd asked for honey... His reaction, though, was fairly dramatic for him, and to me it reflects his general state of unease that seems to have built since Ari's arrival. We're seeing a lot more of the unhappy toddler in Bryn in the past three months or so. We struggle with our own reactions to his behaviour, trying very hard not to slip into negative patterns with him, but finding ourselves slipping all the same. That alone make me want to cry (and yet I can't)... Tonight, Bryn has been in and out of night terrors/bad dreams...

It has been a time of change for him in other ways. He's been sleeping in his own bed for 10 days, and that, in itself seems to be going really well (he hasn't had any night terrors or bad dreams before tonight)...

As well as this, he also started a second period of creche on Wednesday at a different neighbourhood house. At first he didn't want to go, even though I was going to be across the hallway, helping to facilitate BaBs. However, I managed to convince him that in order to get into the playground which is located at the neighbourhood house, he would need to participate in the creche. That seemed to motivate him. When I picked him up two hours later he reported that he'd had a great time and that creche was "cool"...

I worry a lot about how Bryn is fairing with all this change, and how our interactions with him are impacting on him. I see so many of the things I "got wrong" with Erik and Luey and I just don't want to repeat those things with Bryn. Unfortunately, sometimes I find myself falling into old patterns all too quickly and it's quite an effort to stop, think, and redo the situation...

Studies

I'm generally feeling quite stressed about finishing my thesis this year. We're already 6 weeks into this year and I haven't done a thing. Well, that's not completely true, I did sort out my materials cupboard and located the precise for my thesis, but that's all I've done. I feel like, if I could just get over the hump of starting, I'd be ok. The thing is, during the day I'm running from one thing to another (usually dealing with either Bryn or Ari, or picking the boys up from school, doing shopping, and a million other things besides), and then at night - when I've promised myself I'd get to it - I'm exhausted.

I've got to figure out some sort of better plan than that...

And now, I have to get off here and do other stuff!

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