Skip to main content

No-Man's land...

Ok, no one really wants to see a baby crying, but isn't he beautiful, even when he cries??? This isn't really a cry, this is "The Grizzle" and came at the end of a little photo shoot I was doing of him because, basically, he was bored having his picture taken and wanted to be picked up so he could survey his kingdom. His absolutely fave thing to do is be carried around the house so he can see stuff. The child would walk now, if he could, poor thing...



Oh, but look at this face, the hint of a smile in his eyes.


His eyes are no where near as dark as Erik's but Dave and I have noticed he has the same penetrating gaze. As if he's scanning your soul to make sure you're a good person...


I'm in a mild state of panic atm. I've been in pain for the past two days because of my gall bladder. I started taking antibiotics last night and am waiting for them to kick in, hopefully soon! Last night was horrendous, like New Years Eve. Part of me wants to go to the emergency department to get some morphine, but it's all too hard. I really need Dave there with me to hold my hand because I'm so so afraid of needles, but he needs to stay with the boys as well. Also, I can't really take Ari on my own because I'm not able to lift him to me for feeding when I'm on the morphine (partially due to the needle in my hand and partially due to being whoozy anyway). I can't leave him either because there is nothing for him to drink. I have 60mls of ebm in the fridge but that's it. I've seriously considered formula. I'm trying to tell myself it's ok, it's an emergency, it's not a permanent change over etc. but for so many years I've been so very anti formula for my kids, I'm just struggling with the idea of it, even as an emergency measure.

I actually don't feel like I'm thinking very clearly atm, I'm wholly driven by my emotions. Not wanting to leave Ari, not feeling able to care for him on my own, being in pain. It's all overwhelming. I'm not so sick that I don't have a choice, and I'm not well enough that I don't have to consider it, I'm in a no-man's land and it's torturing me...

Ari's awake, gtg...

Comments

Nic said…
Oh, sounds awful Sif (hugs) What about your AB friends? could they donate some breastmilk so you can get pain relief?
cherie said…
i was just thinking the same thing..
katef said…
Oh that B&W photo is just stunning.

Want me to see if I can express some milk for you... I know it is '20 month old milk' rather than '3 month old' milk.. and I am not even sure that I have much milk as M seems like he is about to wean.. but happy to try if it makes you feel a little less stressed to have a stash in the freezer... grab me on twitter or email or whatever.... hope things improve soon

Popular posts from this blog

12 Things Happy People Do Differently - a self-reflection...

A few days ago a Facebook friend posted the above poster on her wall. I believe she got these points from this blog which she enjoys reading, and the bloggers on the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog derived their discussion of these points from this book, available on Amazon - you're welcome! I have to admit, I haven't read the blog or the book I've just mentioned but wanted my readers to have access to the sources of the poster for their own reflective purposes.
The New Year will be upon us in but a few days and I thought this a great opportunity to do a little personal assessment on how I'm playing the happy game. I'm often not very happy at all - I don't need to be happy all the time, let me just say that up front - I personally believe that life is a balancing act and those who seek euphoria often will also often feel desolation because in all things there must be balance. The great riches of the few on this planet come at the personal cost of the many as is …

The symbolism of elephants...

Just recently I've been seeing and noticing elephants everywhere!

A few weeks ago I saw the Samsung Elephant Ad, and watching that led me to watching a video with an elephant painting (seriously, you have to watch it to believe it!).

Then last night the boys told me they were having a free dress day at school to raise money for 'Mali the Elephant' - who turned out to be a paper maché statue which the children will paint and then show around the council before it comes back to the school to stand outside the performing arts room.

Then this morning I followed a link from Twitter to Toushka Lee's blog and read this post about an elephant orphanage in Sri Lanka.

This morning the Grumpy Old Man did another driving test and unfortunately didn't pass. We've booked his next test and are looking forward to that now. About ten minutes before he walked in the door I saw this poster on Facebook...


At the time, I didn't know if the Grumpy Old Man had been successful or …

Do you have low self-esteem?

I don't.

I used to think I did, but having met several people who really do have low self-esteem, I've now come to realise I actually have low confidence (and note I don't say low self-confidence, but more on that later), and that is a different breed of animal all together.

I was having a chat with a friend the other day about people who constantly put themselves down. If you are a participant in social media you might be aware of this kind of person. Everyone is smarter than them, prettier than them, more motivated, better organised, or has greater talent than them. It goes further, some of these people are not at all opposed to running themselves down to others with comments like, 'I'm so fat' (and not in a proud, fat acceptance way, but in a negative, self-loathing kind of way), or 'I'm stupid' or 'I'm ugly'.

Some people are just fishing for compliments, of course, but the ones who persist; the ones who simply cannot take a complimen…