Sunday, April 19, 2009

Going against the grain...



Term two starts tomorrow. A lot of parents I know are either dreading being made to get up and get their cherubs off to school and then clockwatch to make sure they rush back to pick them up on time in order to ferry them to various extracurricula activities, OR are looking forward to having SOMEONE ELSE entertain their kids for a bit each day...

I'm looking at it in a different way again...

While I'm feeling a bit trepidacious about the onslaught of activity coming our way, both with the boys schooling and extracurricula activities (just one each), as well as my own commitments, and also am feeling a sense of relief that the boys will be constructively occupied by someone other than myself - BREATHE - I'm also just really looking forward to... Wait for it...

Some STRUCTURE!

Unlike many of my carefree, love life in the moment, Se La Vie friends, I'm really a bit fond of structure. Structure really helps calm me. I quite like routine, even when the monotony of routine threatens to put me to sleep. I like being forced to act on a scaffolded timetable set up by people outside myself.

The truth is, I don't do very well when left to my own devices.

I flounder! I tend to be extremely good at making plans, and lists, and working through scheduling issues etc. but when it comes to INITIATING my own action (emphasising MY OWN ACTION - as I tend to be rather good at booting others into gear), I'm timid.

I get stage fright a lot. Which is why I suffer with agoraphobia quite badly. I need a purpose to get out of the house, a purpose that CANNOT be put off (yk, like picking the kids up from school, or buying tampons...).

I'm ok, if I can rope other people into initiating WITH me. Sometimes, just to get out of the house, I will order a cab, because that somehow eases the transition from inside/safe/no change to outside/unsafe/change imminent...

So, yep, I'm rather pleased that term two is starting tomorrow, what with it's forced initiation of me having to leave the house and DO STUFF... Organisation begets organisation, and action begets more action!!!

2 comments:

Amanda O. said...

Okay, now this is just weird... tbh this actually sounds like something I could have written word for word. Erm. Except the school age children bit.

I do need outside structure, I relish it, it works for me even when it stresses me out. Yet I suck at self-structuring and even worse - sticking to any sort of self structuring. I've yet to find anything that makes it better or easier despite being quite aware of this tendancy. Likewise with going out without a good reason or someone to do it with, although I enjoy being out once I am and know I have a much nicer time dealing with stuff when I get out regularly vs play hermit. Gah! Must find a self-help book on how to be better about it all or something... and then someone to boot me into reading it. ~_~;

Spiralmumma said...

Nope-don't love structure as you know! BUT-I'm learning to accept it, if not love it, for the greater good. I'm not cut out to be a home schooler, and I have to, in fact *want* to work-so it's a necessary evil. I've been heaps better at it lately, especially now we live so close to school-I don't have to get up till 8 am so it's not so bad!

Teenagers and the failing parent...