Saturday, May 09, 2009

Thoughts about Mother's Day...

Since Ari was born last October, I've really felt very ok about having four boys, and only ever having four boys. Four sons.

For some reason, the impending Mother's Day has just brought up some sadness over never having a daughter. The two might not seem related at all, but then again, my brain is notorious for relating things other people would NEVER consider to have any relationship to one another.

It's the thing about being a mother. I didn't appreciate my mum much growing up. Being the idealist I'm prone to being, she (in her faulty human state) never managed to live up to my ideal of what a mother SHOULD be. You know what I mean, right? That always patient, always available, always anticipating her child's next need or want Goddess that was aspired to in the 50s and depicted in fiction...

Mum always said, "I can't wait until you have kids, then you'll understand!"

Yeah, how many mums have said that, do you think? In fact, how many of us have said it to our kids - or thought it, but had the sense to know there is no real point saying it because the child isn't really listening and doesn't want to hear it anyway...

The thing is... I did get it. Not straight away, not in the first year of my first child's life... But a little later on, I got it. I discovered that I, too, was a fallible human who wasn't the constant rock of patience and presence and foresight that my children expect (and they do EXPECT this)...

Getting it formed a very strong bond between my mother and I. It allowed us both to be ourselves, be more ourselves with one another than we ever were able to be when she was younger and I was a child...

So, what has that got to do with not having a daughter?

I guess I'm thinking it rules out any of my children really GETTING IT, getting what it means to be me. To be a woman who has children and all that encompasses. Being a man with children is a different experience. One day, the boys may have the opportunity to GET get Dave is coming from, what Dave has felt over the years, etc. But they will never truly understand where I'm coming from, what my experiences were... And maybe a daughter wouldn't either, but the potential would have been there with a daughter...

Sons do offer a different kind of bond though, and I'm very glad I have my four sons this Mother's Day!

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