Friday, June 12, 2009

The end...

FIL slipped away peacefully at 12.20pm today with Dave and MIL tending to him.

I can't believe this day has come and gone already.

The boys have had mixed responses to the news of their Pa dying. Erik is sad, but has taken it relatively well. More than the others, I think he's been preparing for today for the past week and a half. Sometimes he blows me away with his emotional maturity - he has some, and no mistake, I'm so glad this is one occassion when it's shone through.

Luey has not passed much comment about Pa getting ready to pass on this last week or so. Luey keeps his emotions very much to himself until the pressure builds up and they escape... Today, he barely acknowledged that Pa had passed away when I told the boys before Dave came home at dinner time. When Dave first got in, Luey seemed fine, but as the next hour or so unfolded, Luey seemed to become more and more agitated. He wanted Dave to put a dvd on, rather than watch The Simpsons. We never put a dvd on in the evenings, so weren't prepared to do it tonight either. Luey became very stroppy and sullen and then quite defiant (wouldn't help put away his clothes). Dave and I could see he was hunting for an argument, so Dave took him aside and just hugged him. Luey was pretty upset and Dave had to comfort him for quite a while...

Bryn wasn't really part of my original discussion with the boys about Pa having passed on, so a little while later he asked where Dave was, and I told him Dad was at Nanna and Pa's because Pa had died this afternoon. Bryn asked if we were going to see Nanna and Pa (we visited last Sunday) and I said that Pa was "gone".

"Where has Pa gone?"

"Pa has died, he's not with us anymore, Bryn"

"Where has he gone?"

"Well, he's in our heart and in our minds, in our memories, Bryn, we just can't see or touch him anymore because he's gone"

"But WHERE has he gone?"

Honestly, I was at a loss as to how to answer that question. I considered telling him that different people believe different things about what happens after you die (as we told the boys because we don't want to prescribe a belief for them), but that seemed to be an answer that would only lead to more questions. So instead I said, "He's gone to Heaven." Making a mental note to describe Heaven as "whatever you think it might be" if he asked where Heaven was, or what Heaven was...

At that reply, he nodded seriously, smiled and went off to play.

I don't know if he has a concept of Heaven at all, or where he might have developed a concept of Heaven, but he was satisfied to know that Pa was *somewhere*, not just "gone"...

I'm a firm believer that endings are never just endings, but also beginnings... So today saw the end of what we knew before, and the beginning of something new...

I can still see FIL smiling, and hear him telling stories, so he's not really gone...

Here's how, Keithy boy!

5 comments:

Juniper said...

((hugs)) Sif, I have been thinking of you so often during this difficult time.

Leah said...

Oh gosh Sif. I think Bryn knows about heaven cause he's come from there not long ago.

I am sure it is going to be a difficult time for awhile for Dave and his Mum. FIL is a lucky man to have lived a long life and to be loved through his passing.

katef said...

thinking of you all... this is such a tough time for those dealing with it.

I hope you all find a way to celebrate your FIL's life and find some peace... it seems that Bryn has done just that, the gorgeous boy that he is!

Sally ~♥ said...

Oh Sif, I'm so very sorry for your loss. :(

Your family are all in my thoughts.

Sally xx

Spiralmumma said...

Thinking of you all. xx

Teenagers and the failing parent...