Thursday, August 13, 2009

Not cut out for this parenting gig...

How do other parents keep it together when their kids are feeling like the world is out to get them???

When my boys started school, it was very good for us in one way. Because Dave and I do the parenting thing pretty much on our own from a practical sense (with the emotional support of our parents), the first 7.5 years of parenting was ever more strained as days, weeks and years passed and we (well, maybe it was just me) had more and more kids.

My ability to cope with the day to day pressures of parenting 1, 2 and 3 children without a break, without a car, and without full sight, was patchy at best. My relationship with Erik, in particular, suffered from that, and I do regret that.

So, when they went to school, I have to admit, it was a good thing for all of us. If gave us all a little space, so we were able to miss one another and actually enjoy each other's company.

I know there are homeschoolers for whom this is not their bleak reality, I often wonder what the hell was wrong with me that I couldn't cope with 3, six years and under, when others cope with much more, but, well, that's how it was.

But then I'm lost in the school system. When my boys have issues, I just fly into a panic. Erik gets into trouble and it because he couldn't express properly what happened, and suddenly I'm envisioning him becoming emotionally crippled for the rest of his life, feeling that people never listen to him, but blame him for everything. Luey struggles with his frustration, and wanting to just belt kids who irretate him (he doesn't belt them, but he WANTS to, so he wants to stay home from school so he can "calm down"), and because I really can't cope with the idea of trying to refereee him, and Bryn, and Ari, I tell we have to deal with this IN the school situation and I wonder if I'm not going to regret making that choice in years to come.

The rational side of me says, it'll be ok, you hated school and didn't have friends and didn't do well, and look at you now, it'll come out in the wash...

The other side of me says, you're making every wrong choice, you're not compassionate enough, you're not patient enough, you're going to screw these kids up!

How do other parents cope with this? Or maybe other parents just don't feel like this, maybe I really am just nuts, LOL...

I want my kids to be happy and confident and self-possessed, but it seems to be more like lurching from one crisis to another and nothing I do or say, or not doing or say makes very much difference at all. And the worse bit is how bad I feel when I hear about their suffering and how quickly this stuff blows over despite how badly I felt about it at the time...

Last year's crises are but a distant memory, and yet this year's crises seem to loom like a massive Rowling's Troll...

Winter and nighttime don't help, do they?

3 comments:

katef said...

ah I am right there with you.... sometimes the hole seem so gosh darn deep I wonder what terrible things I did to dig them and how on earth we are ever going to get out.... and then I worry that I worry too much!

shae said...

I hear you! Parenting is one tough gig if you give a shit how everyone is going to turn out.

Spiralmumma said...

I totally understand. I freak out about everything LOL..Liam's literacy issues last year (not the issues themselves, the teacher's attitude), his anxiety issues, whether Sienna will have problems due to her speech impediment..it goes on. I waste a lot of mental energy where I'd really love to just go with the flow a bit more :(

Teenagers and the failing parent...