Saturday, November 28, 2009

Good vs. Bad Self-Esteem...

I reject the idea that self-esteem is a homogenous entity. I don't believe you can have good self-esteem OR bad self-esteem. I haven't researched this, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't be the only person who believes people have areas of self-esteem and those areas variety in health.

Taking myself as an example - because it would be kind of rude to use anyone else as an example - I would say I have great self-esteem, generally speaking. I like me. I generally believe other people don't appreciate me as much as I do, mostly because I'm not particularly good at interacting with other people. The interpersonal part of me certainly suffers from low self-esteem. I believe I fail in the area of interpersonal relationships because I tend to be a bit tactless (fail to engage brain before engaging mouth, or worse, lack enough sympathy to be bothered engaging brain before engaging mouth).

I often misread how other people view me, often opting to believe they don't understand or don't like me, but mostly are just being polite.

Now, in the homegenous view of self-esteem, that would probably be interpreted as me not understanding me or liking myself and therefore projecting that onto other people, but this truly isn't the case. I tend to think I'm very insightful and funny and generous and likeable, but I think other people don't get those things about me mostly because I'm not terribly adept at communicating with other people on a person to person level. I tend to approach people with that distance, intellectualised self-defensive mechanism of analysis.

I struggle with saying stuff I don't believe at the core of my being, so I fail at a lot of the niceties of human interaction.

I often feel my own critical nature causes me to be quite the bitch - to use colloquial expression.

But I still have great self-esteem!

Does that make sense?

I guess in the commonly accepted understanding of self-esteem, I'm contradicting myself a lot here, but that is how it is. I think I'm great, I just don't think other people think the same because I don't translate well interpersonally.

I don't believe one person either has good self-esteem or bad self-esteem, but rather a multi-tude of self-esteems related to various aspects of themselves.

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