Friday, November 27, 2009

Self-sabotage?

So, it occurred to me this morning, as I sat here playing Bejewelled, knowing it's just a complete waste of time, and yet not being able to motivate myself to do much else (though, of course, the care an maintainence of the youngest child did get a look-in)... Hmmm, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, so it occurred to me that success - achievement - is well and truly within grasp for me, but for some reason I resist grasping it.

I know EXACTLY what it would take to achieve the things I would like to achieve. The effort of achieving would not be disproportionate to the contentment I'd feel once I've achieved, and yet I can't seem to just do what needs to be done.

There are three goals I'm thinking of specifically, here.

  1. Finishing my Masters degree
  2. Saving money
  3. Becoming healthy (fit and a healthy weight/size)
To finish my degree, I just need to do the editing and rewriting required. I have time to do it, I could be doing it right now. I could do it at night instead of watching tv or playing bejewelled. I would probably even enjoy doing it because I really enjoy the creative process. It's almost as if I'm denying myself the joy of achieving this goal and of writing (which I really do love to do). For the life of me I don't understand why.

Saving money is really just a matter of not spending money on stuff we don't need - in fact, I spend a lot of money on junk food, chips and chocolate and so on to munch on at night while I procrastinate from finishing my degree. If I didn't spend money on things I really don't need, I'd be able to save a decent amount of money.

Becoming healthy really isn't that hard. I know EXACTLY what it take to achieve this. I've managed to do it several times before (though my committment to eating nutritionally rich food and to exercising never stuck). Not sitting around munching on crap at night would also help me achieve my goal of finishing my degree and saving money...

So, why don't I want to succeed? If success is so easy to achieve, why don't I just do what is needed? What am I afraid of?

6 comments:

Melissa said...

When you find the answer...give me a call.

I am my own worst enemy.

Jen said...

I can't tell you why, but I am exactly the same! I want to start a business next year that I think will really work..but I wont sit down and start writing out the program and getting organised. I want to sew/ make our chrissie presents but have not even started. I'm with Melissa..let me know if you work it out ;)

Stitch Sista said...

This seems to be so common as to be the norm (sorry)...

We all fear success. Where will it take us? What other changes will we want to make to our lives if we are successful?

Sif said...

Yep, certainly seems to be the norm (man, I'm NORMAL, who'dathunkit!)...

I'm a little concerned I might just be taking it all for granted. Maybe if someone said to me, you'll die without that finishing that Masters degree and you'll die because you took living for granted, and what's more you'll die in poverty... Maybe then I'd sprout some motivation?

Or not...

cesca said...

Another one chipping in here about how you're describing me! I KNOW what I need to do to get where I want, and it's not that hard, but I sabotage myself every step of the way by procrastinating.

Mousey said...

ssshhh... I promise I will finish my counselling accreditation... someday...

*sigh* when you find the answers, let me know.

Teenagers and the failing parent...