Saturday, February 20, 2010

Oh yeah, I should be in bed (it's 1.35am)...

My ADD is getting me down.

Life is beyond hectic atm, and I know you're all going to say that is what the problem is, but...

My inability to focus long on something has never really gotten in my way. I've worked around it, yk? I've been aware of my ADD since I was 18, but cognitive behavioural therapy has been enough to keep things in check, and I guess I've also never done anything too demanding. Well, yes, I did a Masters degree back when I was pregnant with Erik (and subsequently, Luey), but I changed from a thesis to a coursework degree after Luey was born because of the post-natal depression and Luey's severe reflux (and all that entailed).

So, I've cruised along haphazardly making things work out in the end, but now I feel a bit overwhelmed about my inability to draw focus from my mind to get on with the work I know I need to do - and even WANT to do.

I have to finish this Masters this year but I'm just not doing the work (as this is going to facebook and my supervisors are on my facebook - though I'm sure they have much more important stuff to do than read my blog - this is a fairly big thing to admit to)...

I plan, plan, plan in my head, and headwork is good in many ways, but when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of sitting down and rewriting, I'm just not able to focus. I'm not watching tv, I'm too distracted to do that. Mostly, I'm surfing the net, playing bejewelled, twittering, facebooking, yk, snippets of this and snuppets of that...

I have a plan for the new house, my desk is going to be in a room that I can be in on my own to write, or rewrite as the case may be. The thing is, I'm worried about the fact that the net is at my fingertips.

Dave thinks perhaps because I'm older now, I don't have the physical resources I used to have to summon up the energy to focus in the evening when the house is quiet and the kids are otherwise occupied with sleep. Maybe he's right. I don't know. All I know is that I have to figure this out, and FAST!

2 comments:

Jen said...

Only thing I could think of when reading this is to ask...are you overwhelmed by the big picture of all that you need to achieve atm. Things you've talked about are moving house, doing the childcare course, doing your Masters and lets not forget raising 4 boys. If that is the case, too many things demanding your attention, then could you break them down into smaller tasks which will lead to the end result. Like only 15 minute work sessions. So play bejewelled for however long, then do 15 minutes of rereading or re-writing, etc.

If I'm way off track then let me know. I know when I feel overwhelmed I shut down and ignore all that needs done until it is at critical stage and then I am paniced when doing it. I am now going to go and take my own advice and write my managable tasks list for this weekend :P

Sif said...

No, that's a good idea, Jen, the 15 minute sessions, I think that's doable.

The big pictures don't worry me nearly as much as the details. The details are overwhelming! Because there are so many of them!!!

But certainly, if I consider just doing 15 minutes of work at a time, that seems like something I can achieve and then those 15 minute sessions will add up, won't they? Thanks for that! A different perspective is really helpful right now.

Teenagers and the failing parent...