Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Taking a minute while the potatos roast...

Nothing much has changed since my last post, and yet I do manage to feel a bit lighter about it all...

I was dreading going to work last Friday, like, REALLY dreading it. I dropped Bryn off at kindergarten and from there I walked the 10 minutes to work. Almost every single step was a struggle not to just turn around and go back to the bus stop, go home and tell Dave I'm quitting the course, the work, everything and we can all just starve or something.

But I kept plodding along the footpath until eventually I was keying in the code to the main door and letting myself in.

Honestly, once in the door, I felt differently. I feel happy and excited. I really do love the work! I left a few short hours later (was 6 hours, but felt shorter) feeling very positive about the whole childcare course and doing work and all that jazz.

Had a nice, though extremely busy weekend. Didn't get any study done that I'd planned to do, but did take the big boys to the optometrist and grocery shopping on Saturday before babysitting for another school family on Saturday night. Then spent Sunday celebrating a friends delightful daughter's 1st birthday in the gorgeous green and sweet smelling countryside. So, ended the weekend feeling refreshed (though still tired, ironically)!

The stress is still there, and that's the thing about stress, it tends to lurk in the background, creating it's own stress as you wait for it to pounce on you and drag you down.

I was feeling a bit sad about things last night because (and at this point I had to go turn the potatos and then was delegated the job of feeding Ari - by Ari! So, now I'm back an hour later, after eating dinner) Ari won't go to sleep for me and Dave was out running an errand until 11.30pm, and Ari only went to sleep at 11pm after screaming at for 30 minutes... This was after Luey had chucked a wobbly because he thinks I'm "losing your mind" and he couldn't "handle it anymore" because I told him off for snatching his soccer ball of his baby brother (after he left it out instead of putting it away so Ari couldn't get it in the first place)... It's easy to feel like a parenting failure when you're so strung out you don't know which aspect of parenting to neglect first amongst all the other stuff you have to neglect while trying to get yet another load of stuff done...

Yeah, yeah, cest la vie, life is like this for everyone...

But in an attempt to feel like I really am managing to hold things together, I've been trying to get two assignments done today, while also finding information I promised my teacher, finding out how to replace my lost travel pass, telling Telstra how to better their customer service relations, and the myriad of other little jobs that happen when you have four kids...

I'll be up tonight trying to finish these assignments, I think. The deadline isn't tomorrow, but tomorrow would be another whole day of stressing that I haven't done this, so I'm motivated to just get it done now...

And there are so many things I would love to blog if I had a spare brain cell, like how my 8 year recently started talking about the necessity of doing weights to build up his muscles (WT?), and how all the writers I read about and from on the bloggosphere seem to lead exotic, or at least pictureque lives, and how I think I need to start a blog called, "The daggy, nearly 40, not environmentally, or stylistically aware, suburban housewife writer - with a small "w" blog", or... Bugger, got to go change a nappy...

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