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The Inner Good Girl Phenomenon...

I know a group of women who believe that most women in our society were handed an inner good girl at birth, and that they've been trained to listen to this inner good girl over listening to their own feelings, their own needs and desires. Women who listen to their Inner Good Girl often won't stand up for their beliefs if those beliefs don't reflect the most common societal beliefs. They certainly never say no to other people, in case other people might not like them. Basically, they try to always be nice, and always be GOOD. Always say and do what pleases society.

I'm not sure where the hell I was when they were handing out these Inner Good Girls. I was probably off daydreaming, or maybe I got sidetracked by something glittery or fluttery - it happens a lot to me that I get side tracked. There is so much out there that others don't seem to notice because they're always so focused. They miss the things you can only see out of the corner of your eye when you're not really listening, or not really focusing on what you're supposed to be focusing on. I've found many wonderful things by being sidetracked, like the time I... Oh, um, sorry, I've done it again, haven't I? Where was I?

Oh yeah, I don't think I got an Inner Good Girl. Or maybe I did get an Inner Good Girl, but like so many other things in my life, she ended up with a bunch of pretty, glittery and silky scarves at the bottom of my wardrobe, wasting away in the darkness...

I've suffered for a lack of an Inner Good Girl. I know some people will consider that a weird thing to say, but it's true. I knew something was wrong but it wasn't until I came across this concept, the Inner Good Girl, that I realised this is what has been wrong in my life.

Due to not having any boundaries on the things I will say or do, I've offended so many people. I let my anger and sarcasm show far to often. I GET angry far to often, and about stuff that is so, so minor (others have told me). Anger is all about fear, of course, I know that, I've researched anger a lot! But fear is not acceptible in our society. We're not allowed to show fear. We have to be nice and make other people feel nice all the time, and fear doesn't make people feel nice.

I fear that I don't understand humans. I am one - although, I didn't believe I was until well into my teens - but I don't understand them. I think this is because my Inner Good Girl is trapped in the closest. I suspect I didn't just throw her in there decades ago. I gagged and hogtied her as well. Now I have to try and coax her out into the light and fatten her up a bit so I can stop being so ridiculously offensive in society with my lack of boundaries and my too loud voice and my funny ideas that women don't need to fight for equality, we just need to recognise that we have it and have always had it.

What do Inner Good Girls eat, and where to do I get it? Is there a manual, I can't find mine...

Comments

Spiralmumma said…
ROFL!!

Well you know me-I think the whole concept of "Inner Good girl" is a complete truckload of wank. ;-)
I don't deny women have been pressured by society in the past to be "nice" and demure, passive, submissive etc. However I see the whole IGG term as just another made up bullshit way of controlling people actually. Heaven forbid we should make our own minds up how to behave and act. Heaven forbid we should want to be 'nice' sometimes (men and women). I sometimes need to work on being assertive certainly. I don't need some pompous prat smugly insisting it's because I have some mythical 1950's housewife doormat personality residing within me. States of Tara rofl). I don't see it really as a gender issue, rather as an issue of being able to be assertive or not. I am sure many men have this problem too-are they told they have Inner Good boys? If they are, I haven't heard it.

So yeah it's a load of wankery and whomever coined the term seriously needs a good slap. Hey, my IGG must need coaxing out today too ;-)
Spiralmumma said…
Oops dunno what happened to my post. I actually typed "I imagine the 1950's personality to be like Alice from 'United States of Tara'" LOL
shae said…
I am a total believer in all the IGG stuff-much to your eye rolling ;-)

I don't think they are handed out at birth however-I think it's made through praise and societal expectation for women to do as they're told.
I don't think the IGG is limited to women. I think a man who has been raised in the praise and punishment style of parenting will have that innate desire to please-even if that means it comes at a cost.

Will happily be called a wanker or whatever.
Spiralmumma said…
Ok so why dont we ever hear about 'inner good boys'? If it's not gender biased?

I don't believe lack of self esteem, which would appear to be the idea behind this idea is caused by praise, in fact quite the opposite. Of course praise can be overdone, but I just don't buy that all praise is manipulative and controlling.
Sif said…
LOL, for boys it should be called their Inner Good Guy!

Well, whether the IGG is real or not, i just don't have one, and i'm constantly in the shit with people who do, so i kind of think i wish i did have one... It would be so easy to just go, "i don't want an IGG, so just get used to my saying it how i see it!".

Unfortunately, that seems to be the shortcut to a lonely place...
Spiralmumma said…
BTW by saying I believe the term to be a wank, does not in turn mean Im calling anyone who believes in it a wanker. Horses for courses and all. I *personally* believe it's a highly emotionally manipulative term invented for the purposes of inducing guilt in people and perhaps to enable it's inventors to feel better about themselves- but that's JMHO :)
shae said…
Kind of feel like I'm being poked to react here but I'll bite a little.

For the record-shortcut to a lonely place?? Talk about use of emotive language! I'm just fine in that department thanks.

I did not coin the term and it may mean different things to different people but I PERSONALLY think you can't believe in intrinsic and extrinsic rewards without believing in the IGG (girl or guy).
Not all praise is manipulative-but using a system of praise and reward to CONTROLS a child. If a child is taught to seek praise and is labeled good or bad then it can be hard to do something that is labeled as bad-which in parenting terms can mean non compliance, speaking up, and being seen and heard.

I don't think it necessarily makes a person meek or emotionally manipulative or to make someone feel better about themselves (how?). I think it can be useful in understanding why some aspects of being an adult can be difficult and why not "going with the flow and doing as you are told" can induce feelings of guilt.

But like I said that's my personal take on it-presuming to know how messed up someones childhood was and what the term means for them is not my place.
Sif said…
Shae, I was completely talking about my own experience when I said it was a shortcut to a lonely place, and for me being lonely because I don't have an IGG, is quite an emotional experience. This is where, if I had an IGG, I probably wouldn't say, not everything is about you Shae...
shae said…
sarcasm noted.

because I do enjoy your company in real life I'm going to respectfully bow out of this conversation :)
Sif said…
LOL, oops i did it again. So, as you see, dear reader, even when writing about myself and my own failings as clearly as i know how, without having a go at anyone, i manage to offend someone who evidentally thought i was talking about them. This is my evidence of my lack of (at least a healthy) Inner Good Girl. Case closed.

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