Today a friend told me I've seemed angrier of late. I laughed it off and said that, in actual fact, I've always been this angry, and if anything I've been trying to be less angry in recent times because I don't to be an angry person, or to be thought of as an angry person.
On reflection, yes, I have probably been an angry person for a while now. Anger is an emotion that is a direct response to fear. The correlation between fear and anger is very close. The angrier a person seems to be, the more fear they feel, the more threatened they perceive themselves to be.
Fear affects people differently, in some people it cause a flight response. Some people become unbelievably keen to please when afraid, they'll do anything to deny the threat they are feeling, to suppress the fear with a smile and a pleasant tone and a willingness to do just about anything for anyone, especially anyone who has the power to alleviate their fear. Society likes people who flee when afraid.
In other people, like myself, fear causes a fight response. Society sometimes likes the fight response, fleers like it if the fighting angry person is fighting on BEHALF of them as well. However, the fight response can actually CAUSE a lot of fear in others, which sometimes makes them flee, and sometimes makes them fight back.
A person who responds to fear with a fight response, will become more and more defensive and aggressive as their fear mounts.
So, yes. I'm a fighter. I get angry when I'm afraid. It's not attractive, it doesn't oil any social wheels.
Another problem with us fighters. People think we're strong, hard, able to cope. People think we don't need anyone, ever. We might be tell people we don't need anyone (that is a defense which is solely to help us cope with the intense fear we feel). People might think we're impermeable and therefore don't need understanding or gentleness.
When fleers are afraid, they response to fear often causes people to want to protect them. When fighters are afraid, their response to fear at first causes people to believe they'll be fine without help and later that they don't deserve help.
Yes. I guess I've been angrier than usual of late, I'm been far more afraid and feeling far more vulnerable in the past year and a half than at any other time of my life. There has been no safe harbour in this storm for me to shelter in and I've felt very much alone and afraid with the burden of keeping my little family of six emotionally and materially afloat. So, when you think I'm angry, imagine how afraid I am.
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