Skip to main content

Happy 11th Birthday, my boy...

What can I say? He's 11. I so often hear people say they just don't know how their children got to be so old so quickly, where has the time gone? I don't feel this way at all! I think that is because I'm such a different person to the person I was 11 years ago when he was born! Mostly, thanks to HIM!

Soon, I'll be getting a tattoo that is about him. Oddly enough - some might say - it'll be a butterfly. Butterflies aren't particularly masculine, and I think maybe he'd prefer my tattoo honouring his presence in my life were something like a tiger or a an eagle, but tigers and eagles aren't symbols of transformation and Erik's arrival earthside transformed my life - and me in the process.
He used to need me. This child needed me more overtly than any of my other children have needed me. I once saw a kinesiologist who told me - with great concern written all over her face - that he needed me too much, that he and I were too closely intertwined. At the time, I laughed her off, obviously she didn't understand attachment too well. Her words should have been a warning to me, because within weeks of visiting her a massive disruption occur in mine and Erik's relationship that has rippled through to the present.

I think he needs me less these days. At the same time, I worry more about this child of mine than any of my other children, and I worry about my impact on him. This self-consciousness is one of the ways in which Erik has transformed me over the years.

He is on the cusp. He is still so much a child. So innocent and wide-eyed and optimistic. A doctor once told me Erik is the kind of child "we all want", he is innocent and trusting and vivacious. I love these things about him, even though they also make him vulnerable in a world that is cynical and often hard and unforgiving.

However, a good friend once read his natal chart and said he would conquer his many challenges and this would make him self-assured, charismatic and insightful - I am beginning to see the glimmer of those traits emerging in my, now, 11 year old.


Popular posts from this blog

The symbolism of elephants...

Just recently I've been seeing and noticing elephants everywhere!

A few weeks ago I saw the Samsung Elephant Ad, and watching that led me to watching a video with an elephant painting (seriously, you have to watch it to believe it!).

Then last night the boys told me they were having a free dress day at school to raise money for 'Mali the Elephant' - who turned out to be a paper maché statue which the children will paint and then show around the council before it comes back to the school to stand outside the performing arts room.

Then this morning I followed a link from Twitter to Toushka Lee's blog and read this post about an elephant orphanage in Sri Lanka.

This morning the Grumpy Old Man did another driving test and unfortunately didn't pass. We've booked his next test and are looking forward to that now. About ten minutes before he walked in the door I saw this poster on Facebook...

At the time, I didn't know if the Grumpy Old Man had been successful or …

Alone... And Stuff...

Do you ever just need to be alone?

As the boys are growing up, we have more times when the house is quiet. The youngest will be asleep. One will be reading, one will be playing on his computer with headphones on, one will be painting and there is stillness.

Sometimes, even that is not enough.

Sometimes I crave being alone, with no possibility of someone suddenly realising they have to tell me something important or ask me a question or even just crash about in the kitchen.

Sometimes I crave S P A C E, lots and lots of space, being able to walk from room to room without encountering another soul.

This is how I felt when I woke up this morning, so instead of getting ready for work, I decided to stay home. Get up, but not go anywhere, no hear the sound of my own voice, or anyone else's.

I think this might just be part of getting older. After a lifetime of chasing after other people and trying not to be alone, my mind and body is full of thoughts, experiences, feelings, and busy-ness …

12 Things Happy People Do Differently - a self-reflection...

A few days ago a Facebook friend posted the above poster on her wall. I believe she got these points from this blog which she enjoys reading, and the bloggers on the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog derived their discussion of these points from this book, available on Amazon - you're welcome! I have to admit, I haven't read the blog or the book I've just mentioned but wanted my readers to have access to the sources of the poster for their own reflective purposes.
The New Year will be upon us in but a few days and I thought this a great opportunity to do a little personal assessment on how I'm playing the happy game. I'm often not very happy at all - I don't need to be happy all the time, let me just say that up front - I personally believe that life is a balancing act and those who seek euphoria often will also often feel desolation because in all things there must be balance. The great riches of the few on this planet come at the personal cost of the many as is …