Sunday, August 01, 2010
Asking why isn't helpful...
Someone recently related a story to me of two people who were working together and one person was helping another to complete a task and when they finished their part they commented publicly that at least that part of the task would be completed. In other words, "Look at how professional and punctual I am, and how unprofessional and slack I believe the other person is."
But asking this question doesn't actually change the other person's behaviour.
I've recently been wandering down memory lane.
My life is pretty much divided into three segments. There was my childhood; spent moving around a lot with my family. Then my adolescence, which was marked off by a move to Scandinavia days before my 11th birthday. Finally, the period I call my 'In Australia' period which began days after my 18th birthday - so 20 years ago.
This year, marking my 20th anniversary of moving to Australia permanently has thrown up a lot of old memories.
I'm not a person who holds grudges. I'm just too lazy for that. I also don't tend to believe in 'too much water under the bridge'. I have often felt slighted and hurt by people, sometimes with good reason, and sometimes I've even been furious at people for a while, but the anger always subsides for me. This is why I find it hard to relate to the need to hold a grudge.
So, I've recently come to the conclusion that asking why isn't very helpful. It leaves the person doing the asking feeling somewhat powerless - especially because there is often no reason is ever provided for the behaviour. It doesn't change the status quo. Humans are frail and are always getting hurt. Some never recover and some don't want to recover.
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