
I have four BOYS!
This has been playing on my mind a lot lately. I always thought I'd have daughters. Many, many daughters. Obviously, that didn't happen.
People say it doesn't matter what sex your children are as long as they're healthy, and I agree that a healthy child is something everyone wants!
People say there is nothing you can do with a daughter or a son, that you can't do with a child of the opposite sex.
They're wrong.
They are wrong in so many, many ways, but tonight I just want to talk about just one way in which they are wrong.
Rites of Passage is something done with the child of either sex by the parent of that same sex (and if such a parent isn't available, then by someone the child is close with of the same sex). When I was daydreaming about all those daughters I was going to have, one of the things I daydreamed about was their rite of passage into womanhood. In a time when rites of passage are not as culturally valued (in modern Western culture, that is) as they used to be, many aware parents of girls are creating modern day rites of passage for girls when they experience their first menstrual bleed. This is pretty much what I imagined I would be doing with my bus-load of girls. I was pretty excited about it, too! Sharing with them the joy and pains of this significant change in their bodies which would herald a whole new world of responsibilities, emotions and experiences.
Then I had boys. FOUR of them!

My problem has been trying to figure out what that might be. Please don't tell me it's when he gets his first smartphone, or when he watches his first porno, or has sex for the first time. Those things don't cut it, not one iota - they're almost the ANTITHESIS of what I'm talking about...
I did a quick search before I started writing this blog post and found THIS ARTICLE FROM KINDRED ONLINE ABOUT RITES OF PASSAGE FOR BOYS IN MODERN SOCIETY. It pretty much says everything I've been thinking over the past few weeks. I certainly have known a lot of men who show very strong signs of not having experienced a rite of passage. I want my boys to grow into mature, responsible, compassionate and respectful men. I also know that as their mother, I cannot do this for them, but as their mother, I need to have some idea of what to suggest to their father (that he will not feel like a total dick doing), so that he can provide this rite for his sons - or, ye gads!, even come up with his own ideas.
My eldest son is 11. He is on the brink. He's recently taken on more responsibility in the household in as much as he cooks for us at least once a week. He takes himself to his extra-curricula activities and he can now run errands for us to the supermarket (via public transport). I am proud of him, but I don't feel these responsibilities are significant enough to mark a distinct threshold he has to cross to be counted as a man in this house (and quite possibly, he is still a little young).

More things to think about - parenting is a complex business!
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