Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I had a mini-breakdown this morning - aka, beware getting lost on the net...

I have been on a HUGE learning curve over the past couple of days.

This may seem a little "late", and certainly that is how I felt this morning, but after many years of studying creative writing the best way I know how (through haphazard academic plodding), I recently decided that if I want to get my novel published - and you know I do! - I probably need to raise my profile a little on the internet and, you know, build a bit of a following (yes, I do feel like a complete arse even typing these words, but you've gotta be brave and bold, right?).

I finally started doing a bit of research about the Australian writing scene - why don't they teach this stuff at Uni? I also finally started actually reading the various writing newsletters I'm subscribed to and checking out the websites they constantly refer their readers to.

THERE IS SO MUCH OUT THERE TO KNOW ABOUT!

There are so many opportunities to get involved.

I know nothing and I'm not worthy!

Hence the mini-nervous breakdown.

As well as this, I've been trundling along with my little blog here for the past six and a bit years. This blog contains all sorts of posts. Posts about parenting, posts about writing, posts about social issues I've felt the need to share my opinions on. It also contains a lot of very personal, "letting it all hang out" and "look at me unleashing my inner toddler and throwing myself on the floor with flailing arms and legs" kind of posts. I want people to read this blog, I want people to notice this blog, and I want people to keep coming back because one day I'll have a book I'll want people to read and recommend to their friends (yes, I'm hoping it'll be that good!). I'm not very good at holding back, or being an enigma. I'm sure I could attract more flies with honey, but who wants to attract flies??? (that saying has always confused me)

I digress.

So, after a couple of days of hopping from one page to another via links, I woke up this morning feeling horribly inadequate and small, and extremely confused about what to focus my efforts on "lest I miss the opportunity of my life". I pushed my toddler away when he wanted a hug and I yelled at my husband because he left me with the toddler while he did the dishes (that bastard!).

Thankfully, both my toddler and my husband know me well and waited for me to have a little (maybe not so little) cry and then go eat chips on the lawn at Deakin and soak in some sunshine instead of the backlit glare of my computer screen and come back almost normal (I need a nanna nap after all of that).

The internet is like an endless market with stalls and spruikers trying to sell you all their "most awesome" goods. Everything looks so good, and you'll often be told that "This is your LAST opportunity to take advantage of this AMAZING DEAL" or "Don't be left behind, this is the IT thing/place to have/be". You might start to worry that you're behind the times or that that opportunity will never come again, and maybe it won't, but another opportunity is always around the next corner, uh, at the next stall...

I have to remember that!

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