Do you ever have days when you think, is this all there is?
I'm not sure what I'm expecting, but there are days, like today, when I wake up and think, where's my glory?
Okay, about half of you have started thinking about moving on to the next blog or maybe even scrubbing the toilet with a toothbrush around about now, I know, it's kind of pathetic and a bit whiney to think stuff like that, but I can't help it - it just happens!
I'm not a believer in reincarnation in the sense of the soul moving from one body to another body after each lifetime, but if I were I'd be prone to wondering if I wasn't some sort of Empress or Movie Star or Goddess or something in a previous life, because I seem to have this expectation of something more, something glorious or glamourous and exciting just around the corner. I've been waiting for it for a long time, my fame.
Instead, I have a husband and four kids - all very much wanted and dreamed about.
Life is pretty good.
It just feels a bit mundane - I guess.
I have this feeling something amazing is supposed to happen, something life changing and wonderful, but I don't know what, or why it would happen to us. I thought maybe it was writing and become a well known and respected author, but possibly, quite possibly that won't be it at all. I'm not at all sure I have what it takes. I'm not sure I have any kind of talent and less in the way of determination.
So, then what? Am I going to be just another mum and wife and home-keeper (well, kind of, I'm not exactly at the top of my field in that respect either) - not that there is anything wrong with those things, they just not enough for me, personally. Will life always be a bit of struggle and full of unfulfilled dreams?
What a downer, I'm being (I imagine by this point I'm mostly just talking to myself).
I'm sure I'll feel differently again tomorrow - though that feeling of expectation never goes away, it's just that some days it seems completely possibly, and some days (like today, obviously) I feel like I'm deluding myself.
Do you ever feel this way - are we socially conditioned to feel like this maybe?