Skip to main content

Guidance and Resistance...

For the past couple of weeks I've been attending a chat on Twitter at midnight, on Sunday nights, under the hashtag of #soulchat. I saw a Twitter friend chatting using that hashtag and thought I'd check it out. The first week had me looking up my Dad's natal chart, which led me to searching for his dad online. I found out that Dad's biological dad had passed away 6 years ago this month. That was a strange discovery, I felt both sad and a sense of closure - and curious about that branch of my family, so I dug back a bit and found out my great grandparents names (Minnie and Lewis - my dad's second middle name is Lewis, though I was always led to believe it was spelled wrong and should have been Louis, I don't know why I was told that) and places of birth, and I found out my great grandmother was Prussian and that my great grandfather started out as a servant in a household where the lady of the house was only 26 and her husband was in his 70s and her name - before marriage - was Florence Nightingale! My great grandfather had gone on to work as a barman. My great great grandfather was a book seller and his name was William.

Last week the chat was about experiencing guidance and resistance. I was particularly interested in the resistance discussion as people were discussing the meaning of both internal resistance (the "I don't wanna"s) and external resistance. Most people agreed that external resistance was a sign that you weren't on the right path. I found this fascinating as most of my upbringing (within Christianity) had taught me that external resistance was - to put it plainly - that the devil was putting obstacles in your path, and that you should persist against those obstacles.

Over the past couple of years, I've often felt like I was repeatedly walking headlong into a thick glass wall. I could see the path ahead, but whichever way I turned, I would run into resistance.

I have been focused on three main things in the past two and half years.

  1. Dave getting full time work so we can start to save.
  2. Dave getting his licence (for so many reasons).
  3. Us getting out of the rental market.
Instead of saving money, getting our own place, and getting a car, two and half years later we're still stony broke, Dave now has no job (2.5 years ago he had casual work), and he is still doing driving lessons and working towards getting his licence.

I have tried to organise for us to meet the above mentioned goals, I've poured money into these goals, coaxed, cajoled, pestered and downright nagged to try and get things moving. I've worked myself into depressions and near nervous breakdowns. I prayed! I've bargained! I've even tried to just trust and be patient (okay, I haven't tried that last one for any great length of time, let's be realistic, this is ME I'm talking about).

It just never occurred to me that perhaps all the resistance was because this isn't actually the path for us? Maybe we're just not meant to be financially comfortable - at least not yet. Maybe Dave isn't meant to drive. 

I've been so focused on a particular path, a particular destination, that it just hadn't occurred to me that  maybe we're supposed to be going somewhere else, focusing on something else? 

How do you experience guidance and resistance?


Popular posts from this blog

The symbolism of elephants...

Just recently I've been seeing and noticing elephants everywhere!

A few weeks ago I saw the Samsung Elephant Ad, and watching that led me to watching a video with an elephant painting (seriously, you have to watch it to believe it!).

Then last night the boys told me they were having a free dress day at school to raise money for 'Mali the Elephant' - who turned out to be a paper maché statue which the children will paint and then show around the council before it comes back to the school to stand outside the performing arts room.

Then this morning I followed a link from Twitter to Toushka Lee's blog and read this post about an elephant orphanage in Sri Lanka.

This morning the Grumpy Old Man did another driving test and unfortunately didn't pass. We've booked his next test and are looking forward to that now. About ten minutes before he walked in the door I saw this poster on Facebook...

At the time, I didn't know if the Grumpy Old Man had been successful or …

12 Things Happy People Do Differently - a self-reflection...

A few days ago a Facebook friend posted the above poster on her wall. I believe she got these points from this blog which she enjoys reading, and the bloggers on the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog derived their discussion of these points from this book, available on Amazon - you're welcome! I have to admit, I haven't read the blog or the book I've just mentioned but wanted my readers to have access to the sources of the poster for their own reflective purposes.
The New Year will be upon us in but a few days and I thought this a great opportunity to do a little personal assessment on how I'm playing the happy game. I'm often not very happy at all - I don't need to be happy all the time, let me just say that up front - I personally believe that life is a balancing act and those who seek euphoria often will also often feel desolation because in all things there must be balance. The great riches of the few on this planet come at the personal cost of the many as is …

Alone... And Stuff...

Do you ever just need to be alone?

As the boys are growing up, we have more times when the house is quiet. The youngest will be asleep. One will be reading, one will be playing on his computer with headphones on, one will be painting and there is stillness.

Sometimes, even that is not enough.

Sometimes I crave being alone, with no possibility of someone suddenly realising they have to tell me something important or ask me a question or even just crash about in the kitchen.

Sometimes I crave S P A C E, lots and lots of space, being able to walk from room to room without encountering another soul.

This is how I felt when I woke up this morning, so instead of getting ready for work, I decided to stay home. Get up, but not go anywhere, no hear the sound of my own voice, or anyone else's.

I think this might just be part of getting older. After a lifetime of chasing after other people and trying not to be alone, my mind and body is full of thoughts, experiences, feelings, and busy-ness …